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How did you train your son to aim when peeing?

One of my favorite things about hanging out with people who have little kids is talking about poop and pee, I just love poop jokes and having little kids around justifies telling them constantly. Besides for poop and pee jokes you can really be immature and make breast milk jokes as well

So I was chilling with fellow blogger Jacob Da Jew and his wife when the concept of potty training came up. As an immature single childless man I can’t really relate, I figure kids just magically figure out that they need to pee in the toilet, especially boys.

Turns out their friend has a daughter hasn’t pooped in three days because she is scared, I wonder if they have a special Olympics for that. We also got to chatting about how boys have no clue how to aim. His wife has a buddy that taught her son to aim by putting a cheerio in the toilet for him to hit to the target.

Seems that little boys aren’t the only one’s that don’t know how to aim, seems that every single rest stop, gas station or public toilet I have ever been in has pee on the seat. I almost feel as if people pee on the seat purposefully to relive their childhood. Of course, how poo winds on the seat I will never know.

Now I will relate a story, I was one time staying at a buddies house and I woke up in the middle of the night for a pee, the lights were off and it was shabbos – they hadn’t left a night light so I couldn’t see. Instead of sitting down, I decided that I could “feel” it out. The next morning I woke up to find the women of the house was going nuts because someone had pissed all over the bathroom, with not one drop making it to the toilet.

Since the cheerio idea was quite clever I am curious to know, how you trained your son to aim?

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  • former baltimorean

    nice, I can just see the sign, “Try to hit the floating cheerio with your pee, coming to a state fair near you”, yeah, the red necks would love that one!!!!

  • Anonymous
  • smooth shemp

    my gf says why do i miss… and the light is on all shabbat! maybe proper aim is like some form of completion on shabbat… oy now that’s wacked!

  • It’s not just kids that can’t aim, that’s what maids are for.

    2 solutions to peeing in the dark:
    1) Play it by ear.
    2) Try Johnny glow, see promo clip

  • LOL!!! So gross…. LOL!!! (really laughing not just typing it…

    and Heshy, you? You like to talk about poop and pee? No WAY!!

  • Good idea with the cheerio

    maybe I can teach my hubby to aim.

  • Tali

    I put a ping pong ball in the bowl, its buoyant so you can’t flush it. You can colour them and kids think its fun to try and sink it. Also I drew a kafiya on ours in permanent marker, but that’s just me being immature.
    As for making the ‘man’ of the house pee in the bowl I have no suggestions!

  • you dont need anything extra to help the aim, the bowl is a great place too. Always in the bathroom on a plane and coach busses someone messes up, either its because of a shortstop or turbulence.

  • Former Yeshiva Guy

    On the subject of aiming, when I was in yeshiva, we had a fairly nice dorm with bathrooms in each room. In one room the guys put a sign in their bathroom that read:

    Our aim is to keep the bathroom clean;
    your aim helps.

  • Anonymous

    I think that was a srewed-up version of:
    ‘we aim to please,
    you aim too, please’

  • girl

    Babysitting: a sound like rain on wood – panick-
    3-year-old boy pees on the floor.
    Why?
    Just more fun – why go to the toilet?
    Uff!!!!

  • BigPhil

    We put a fun sticker inside the bowl, just above the water level (it’s glow in the dark so helps at night too) – got the idea from Amsterdam airport where they actually have stickers of flies on the toilets for all men to aim at.

    They have a seen a sharp decrease in “floor spray” since installation.

  • BigPhil

    This post also reminds me of an old joke:

    Why do sefardim and ashkenazim use different toilets? Because they hold by different shitos.

    Boom boom.

  • I remember seeing in some novelty catalog a while back some “cut out” battleships. So your young one in training (or even an older one having fun) can pretend to be a bomber trying to sink an enemy battleship.

  • Marooned in the Midwest

    Little did I know until I had boys just how disgusting they are to toilet train. But it makes excellent fodder for use in grossing out my childless friends. One story that always does it is about the time I walked in to find my 2 boys standing on opposite sides of the toilet, peeing into the bowl at the same time to cross streams. In response to the horrfied look on my face, the older one says to me, “It’s a light saber battle. He’s Obi Wan, I’m Darth Vader.”

    • Citadel91

      I take it you mean childless women, right?
      All little boys do that crossing swords thing, it’s one of those brother/father-son bonding activities. When I was little, I had friends two blocks away who had pee-pee races with me up until I was 8. If any men say they’re grossed out, they’re just trying to act that way to avoid humiliation. lol

  • Ben

    We used to get about four people into a cubicle at primary school (aged about 7 for non-UK readers) to do this….

  • My kids have the worst aim, it ends up on the floor, the walls, the toilet seat, behind the toilet, frankly some of the places they reach take talent. They sell these bullseye things that sink if you aim right.

  • smooth shemp

    i think it goes like this (sign above toilet bowl)
    “our aim is to please, so we really appreciate your aim”

  • slightlyjewish

    I think it’s Sony/Panasonic that has a night-light that clips on to the seat and projects a bullseye onto the water. Fun for all!!

  • I think this is why I love peeing outside – you don’t have to aim and its so freeing.

  • It’s Panasonic DL-GWN, http://i.gizmodo.com/202519/panasonic-dl+gwn-toilet-seat-lights-your-pee+path
    Thing is, it was supposed to be out in 06 and I don’t see anyone selling it.
    It’s also supposed to be only $1165. Yes, the decimal point is in the right place.

  • Left Brooklyn

    Every time he got in right in the “pot” he got a reward. We had the most success giving him those Rabbi trading cards.

  • I think I’m beginning to understand why some parents pay other people to toilet train their kids.

  • Spinoza

    Gentlemen sit.

  • Chris_B

    ” at the same time to cross streams”
    Obviously they havent seen Ghostbusters.

    “I think this is why I love peeing outside – you don’t have to aim”
    As long as you are pointing downhill or away from a rock face.

    “Gentlemen sit.”
    Dont you mean girlymen?

    Anyway I think Phil nailed it with “play it by ear”. When in the dark, aim for the audio feedback of water on water.

  • chevramaidel

    Do they tell guys in yehivos that they’re not allowed to hold it in order to aim? That’s the only explanation I can think of for a grown man not being able to hit the bowl.

  • Speak Truth to Power

    @Chris_B: No, not just girlymen. Any guy who has ever had to clean his own bathroom. Why would you want to clean up splatter?

  • Jon the A

    Not only can my son pee on target, but I taught him to scratch his bum with one hand while he holds himself and aims with the other.

  • Leeba

    I am delighted to talk about peckel and pishie. I babysit quite a bit for two of my friends and their children are about potty training/aiming age. The boys are good if they are not distracted. If distracted and looking around, no matter if they hold it or not, it goes all over. One boy would not stop playing to make peckel. He was constantly constipated and his parents did not know what to do. I purchased a book called, “I Spy” which is quite fabulous, actually. He now can hardly wait to sit on the toilet for 20 minutes, with an audience, of course, as he finds the tiny objects in the photos.

    The girls will stand there on a little chair in the kitchen and want to help you cook. I have finally learned to make them go pishie before we begin as they think nothing of stirring the brownie batter and making pishie all in their panties and all over the floor. No longer do I fall for the ,”Someone spilled some water”

    There was a thread once on a website I belonged to and it talked about all kinds of poo. It was hilarious. Coming originally from South Carolina I got to add, “Red Velvet Cake poo” Scares the crap out of Yankees if they have never had it as it has about 5 full bottles of red food colouring in it. Somehow that does not get digested in most people.

  • Leeba

    former baltimorean: I am from the south. Let them get drunk enough and they’d do it.

    Jon the A : A tzaddick your son is!

    Tali: Assign household chores. Give him all the bathrooms. That might do it. Nothing more nauseating than kneeling next to a pishy-smelling toilet and trying to clean the floor.

  • Chris_B

    @Speak Truth to Power

    I do most of the housework since I’m now unemployed. I’ve never been shy of cleaning a toilet and I’ve had perfect aim since I quit drinking (20 years ago today)

  • Speak Truth to Power

    @Chris_B:

    My point [sic] is even with perfect aim, there is always some micro-splatter. Therefore, when at home, sitting is best. When away, standing is better.

  • Someone said something about the kids getting it in the strangest places that seem to take talent.

    I don’t know how they do it but, the kids I babysit for get it, how do I explain this… you know that button thing where the toilet goes into the floor? There and toilet is like 3 inces from the wall… and it’s not dripping down from the bowl either, as there’s nothing on the side like that.

    ALWAYS wear gloves when you clean a bathroom and clean the toilet AFTER the tub and sink and then ew ew ew immediately throw those suckers in the trash.

  • Chris_B

    @Speak Truth to Power

    I dont know what gender you are, but due to the way men are designed, we are supposed to pee standing up. As far as splatter goes, when sitting its gonna end up on me, I’d rather it went elsewhere since its easier to clean that way.

  • KAF

    Just go outside. Hey, we are guys, we can pee standing up. So, just go outside. You don’t have to aim, just unzip and take it out and let it rip. I love to pee outside all the time. I like to see how, far, high, or far I can get it to go.

  • Pishtepple

    Chris_B> “due to the way men are designed, we are supposed to pee standing up”

    Chris, makes no sense, what design are you referring to? You can’t pee with a hardon. Pee works just fine for guys when sitting down, especially with an elongated bowl. No splatter.

    When you need both pee and poop, do you stand first to pee, then sit to poop?

  • Pishtepple

    KAF, obviously you don’t live in the city 🙂

  • Asleeplessknight

    Kid chooses to pee on the toilet seat and not clean it up… no problem. The biggest obstacle is YOU! The parent needs to be disciplined, consistent, and most importantly, not angry. Have at the ready cleaning gear–for YOU AND CHILD–small rubber cleaning gloves and clorox wipes, a brush.. whatever it is you would use to clean the toilet (and seat).

    State the rule.

    Pee on seat, I find it, you clean it.

    When the Pee Alarm goes off…All other activities stop immediately for child. Really… all other activities STOP. (this is where YOUR discipline pays off).

    Child reports to bathroom.

    You both put on gloves, and you demonstrate simply how you want it cleaned by doing it.. and have the child follow your lead.
    Next time the pee alarm goes off. Same thing. This time you supervise only. And, always remind the child that this is their choice. They don’t have to continue cleaning the toilet. If they choose to lift the seat, the Pee alarm will never go off. Whatever you do… DO NOT NOT ENFORCE the PEE ALARM RULE!

    By the way, if you can’t imagine having your child clean the toilet, STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT and clean it yourself — move on.

  • meeko2
  • fucking sexy

    coo