Frumster introduces pickup lines

Frumster has introduced a feature for its members which lets you send quick non-customizable messages to members in the form  of pickup lines. I have one word for this feature LAME, it seems that people are too lazy or the usage of text language like ur, 4, b4 and other terms has gotten so bad that frumster had to design pickup lines for people to send to each other.

The least they could have done was the poke, at least the poke, as seen on facebook is fun and you can come up with a bunch of jokes about the poke and how you keep shomer negiah. But frumster probably thought the poke was too unztnius and besides a pickup line is better because it tells someone exactly how you feel in a prepackaged lazy type of way.

Unfortunately for us the pickup lines are lame, although you could read between the lines. The pickup lines are more for 80 year olds at a speed dating event then a bunch of desperate horny singles in the shidduch crisis.

“I was intrigued by your profile, we seem to have a lot in common tell me if you agree.”

This should read, I thought your picture was hot and like the fact you are into guys who ar tall dark and attractive. Lets get it on!

“I’m really interested in getting to know you, looking to hearing from you.”

Sounds like something my dad would use, do people in their 20s talk this way. Oh wait a second, seniors do use the internet these days. I completely forgot, I was friended on facebook by a women born in 1929.

“Boo! I promise if you write back it wont be that scary.”

Who knows how to say stalker?

“You passed my screening test, message me to see how you scored.”

Is anyone actually dumb enough to send this one?

Frumster invented such categories as Modern orthodox machmir and Yeshivish modern – so why not have pickup lines for each sect. Makes sense, as different communities have different ways of interacting with each other.

Modern Orthodox Liberal:

You know milchigs isn’t the only thing I eat out?

My srugi may be small, but don’t judge me by that.

Don’t worry I won’t make you go to the mikvah.

I am shomer negia; shomer what I am negia.

Don’t worry I don’t care if your a doctor or lawyer?

C’mon did you “really” come here to daven?

I was the hottest NCSY advisor you know?

You were so the hottest girl in Camp Hillel.

I love hearing you read megillah.

I could have jumped over the mechitza, but everyone passing babies over it were in the way.

I love a man who can quote Avi Weiss.

Modern Orthodox Machmir:

Hey didn’t I used to see you at the Brookdale Hall meat market?

You think the YU seforim sale is big?

I saw you at Sinai, through the large gaping holes in the mechitza?

I want to have your babies and live in Tenack.

I hope you’re as smooth as my suede yarmulke.

Wanna go on a shabbos walk?

I never liked the shomer negia song anyway.

Yeshivish Black Hat:

Wanna see my large print mesilas yeshurim?

Are you showing your elbows because your happy to see me?

My yarmulke is a size 6, you know what that means.

C’mon you know how bad his breath will be in the yichud room.

You look hot in that BY uniform.

I want to open you up like a Yated Neman, after shabbos dinner.

Can I be bodek you?

I can go fast like Subsational or slow like Dougies.

Your hat is so big.

Lubavitch:

Can I feel your tzim tzom?

I just love a man with a crushed hat.

We can sing yechi all night baby.

Oh I just love your individuality with that brown velvet yarmulke.

Your chitas is huge!!!

So can I see what’s under your kelipah?

Save some mashka for me.

21 year old guys with Smicha are so hot!!!

Wanna see my Tzivos Hashem tattoo?

Chasidish:

Nu you vant to shtup?

Lets leave the zich out of vus titzich.

So have you heard of craigslist?

I can see my reflection in your scalp.

Let tati see you in that turban, only that turban.

Wow that robe reveals to me you are a woman indeed.

Your hand sewn stocking seems remind me of that Madonna video.

My zach is bullet proof like your stockings.

You wanna roam the calm kallahs message board?

Can I twirl your peyos?

Why don’t you take off your bekishe and try some of my luction.

My head is not all that I shave.

Can I touch your streimel?

Were you at T n A’s on amateur night?

You don’t look like you have 10 kids.

Chumradox:

Don’t worry I’m not like everyone else, I won’t pour bleach on you.

You can drive my car and I wont tell anyone.

How about going on a non-mehadrin bus with me?

You know I would never throw stones at such a lovely face, unless you happen to be driving on shabbos.

We can have our own little concert and I am sure it won’t be banned.

The denim ban was good; it was so hard to get those denim skirts off anyway.

I see you did not cross the street as I passed, wanna shtup?

I see you did not slam my change down on the counter, are you coming on to me?

Your shietle is so hot!!! I hope its not from India.

612er:

You bring the condoms, I’ll bring my tefilin.

So you want learn daf yomi before or after?

I may have to keep you past the morning z’man.

You know putting your head down for other things besides tachnun is ok by me.

I can give you plenty of mussar, afterwards.

Settlers and Hardcore Zionists:

Hey wanna see my caravan?

They call me the exterminator.

Oppress me like you do the Palestinians.

You can enter my West Bank anytime.

Make me explode like a kassam rocket.

You better last longer then the six day war.

Be persistent like the na nach guys.

Show me the gun you used in Lebanon.

I call it Tex because the charedi draft dodgers use “suf’s.”

During my stint in the IDF my nickname was mattress.

Was that you in the Maxim IDF issue?

Lets roll play, I’ll be a Palestinian and you will be an Israeli soldier- you can dominate me all night long.

BT’s and Gerim:

Well since I am not officially Jewish I still have to break at least one sin.

You know what they say about Italian men?

I haven’t thrown away my toy collection yet!

I heard you can repent all your sins on yom kippor.

No I don’t care if your not interested making babies.

I’ll ask my rebetzin if we can do it, I don’t see why not?

So do you want to do it ultra orthodox style through a sheet?

Pour you mayim achronim all over me.

I heard the purpose of your peyos was handlebars.

So did you did you get your bris yet.

Sephardim:

Can I feel your kibbe.

So do you enjoy eating Ka’ak?

I can beat you like I beat my wife.

Don’t worry just because I am ashkenaz doesn’t mean I don’t like hips.

I would love to taste your spicy sauce.

Gelila aint the only thing I do laying down.

Hey did they pick you out at hottie contest to work at Bissalla?

Baby if you like we can smear the burgers bar sauces all over us, I know the sephardim especially like the chimichurri.

I have the biggest car, house and boat in my shull. (also the biggest debt)

Of course I have a huge house in Deal.

I may work at Amazon Café, but its nothing like the Amazon down there.

Other posts about frumster:

Marketing yourself on frumster

Frumster bloopers

Shidduch poem found on frumster

The longest frumster profile – 40 pages long

Frumster stalkers

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • oops

    too funny. like the chassidish one the best.

  • http://infiniterandominity.blogspot.com Shua

    wow.

  • Jason

    NICE!!!

  • sbg

    damn! really funny i just laughed and laughed its a riot!

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    Good stuff, you should start a satirical dating site.

    What about the holiday pickup lines:

    Rosh Hashana = Dip you apple in my honey.
    Yom Kippur = Give me malkus.
    Succot = Sleep in my succah.
    Chanuka = Light my menorah.
    Purim = Eat my hamentash.
    Pesach = Check me for chametz.
    Shavuot = Suck on my blintz.
    Lubab holidays = Let’s farbreng the night together.

  • oops

    chasid- I will ties your payis to the bed post, oh yeah.

    chasid- let me carress your skull with more shaving cream.

    litvish- we must do it b’zrizus

    yeshivish- I will get you up like a lion. kum baboker k’ari.

  • oops

    greasy yeshivish- Let me rub you down with cholent. You can even put your payis in my kishka.

    greasy yeshivish- Let’s not shower for weeks.

  • oops

    Rabbis- I think your dandruff is sexy.

    chassidish- I will grab your eggs for eruv tavshilin.

    sfardi- beat me like you beat the leaves at hoshanas.

  • oops

    yeshivish- I have more where the dandruff came from.

    sfardi- smack like its hoshanos

    chasidish- let me grab your eggs for eruv tavshilin

  • oops

    Just a quick apology and disclaimer to all the pure souls, namely the children reading. Don’t follow my example.

  • E.D.

    you are TERRIBLE!

    great stuff.

  • http://www.therealshliach.blogspot.com TRS

    Hesh, is it just me, or have you been really obsessed with sex lately?

  • slightlyjewish

    “…that’s not all I shave” ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha
    ON THE FLOOR!!!!

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  • http://elishevers.blogspot.com shevers

    HEY, I totally just came up with one the other day for Lubavitchers.

    “Hey, want to go to the Ohel with me?”

  • veebee

    Well done!

  • http://shesnamelessfaceless.blogspot.com nameless, faceless

    I still love this one, even if it’s kind of a repeat – I’ll laugh everytime….

  • yay! more pointless drivel

    PLEASE SOMEONE HACK THIS SITE AND SHUT IT DOWN.

  • yay! more pointless drivel

    all this guy does is cause people to read this and sin.

    good job frum satire!!!

    Youve come a long way….I guess.

    idiot

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Nameless – I wasn’t even going to add the lines, but then I felt that it flowed so well, so I said what they hey?

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  • veebee

    How much money are you willing to pay me to shut down the site and erase all backup databases?

  • veebee

    It better be a shitload. After all, if they start busting through my proxy servers and catch me, it’s a 10 year/250k maximum.

  • http://elishevers.blogspot.com shevers

    OMG. TRS, I am shocked. I didn’t know you knew that word, let alone how to spell it!

    Another myth shattered!

  • http://elishevers.blogspot.com shevers

    No but you’re right.

  • yo

    yay more pointless drivel! If you dont like this then bounce the site loser

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    TRS once in a while this is how it works out. The swimsuit thing broke yesterday and I wanted to write about it in real time and the frumster icebreaker feature came up today – so you see my mind is not in the gutter.

    Wait till next week I have something quite shocking to get you all riled up while I make my drive from Texas to NY.

  • http://www.therealshliach.blogspot.com TRS

    I await with eager anticipation.

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  • Daniel

    The first MO Liberal statement is soo wrong- the JOFA people probably like that one. (just kidding- anyone who has seen my previous comments knows I’m a big advocate of that, anyways).

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  • Pingback: Frumster introduces pickup lines | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy | Rake Life

  • Pingback: Frumster introduces pickup lines | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy | Rake Life

  • Pingback: Frumster introduces pickup lines | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy | Rake Life

  • veebee

    Can you block Rake Life from linking every 3 hours?

  • Heterim are for Hippies

    you’re all going to hell.

    seriously, pretty funny though.

  • Pingback: Frumster introduces pickup lines | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy | Rake Life

  • Pingback: Frumster introduces pickup lines | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy | Rake Life

  • Pingback: Frumster introduces pickup lines | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy | Rake Life

  • Pingback: Frumster introduces pickup lines | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy | Rake Life

  • http://tevytown.wordpress.com Tevy

    Some of these are so lame, yet so funny.
    “Wanna go on a shabbos walk” may be the only one that’s actually worked

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