Ridiculous halachic questions

I was sitting at a bar tonight drinking an ice cold glass of New Castle beer talking with a buddy about how people in the frum world give more respect for externals then internals (dress – not organs you idiots) that conversation combined with my foray into the craziness of the Yeshiva World coffee rooms, fueled the ideas for the following post.

I would also like to extend a special thank you to Perel Lubel from Queens who happened to on skype when I thought of this post and who provided many of the crazy questions that may seem crazy but have the potential to wind up on the forums page of yeshiva world news.

Crazy Halachic and Hashkafic Questions:

My parents daven at a modern orthodox shul with a treife mechitza, is it better for me to go and be kivud av and daven with a treife mechitza or is it better for me to stay at home and daven beyichidus?

Can I daven in front of a woman who is wearing crocs?

Can I daven in front of a man who is not wearing a double head covering?

My community has just instituted honor killings for women caught in despicable acts, is this halachically ok?

Is it better for bochrim to wear jeans or go on the internet?

Our table cloth is off-white, but the shadchun will only redd us shidduchim for our daughter if it is white, is it permissible to lie about this?

Does malchusay dina count for things like money tax fraud, since I am using the money to support shuls and yeshivas?

Is it loshon horah to tell on my rebbe who molested me?

Are girls considered untznius if they don’t wear button down shirts?

I grew up modern and went to NCSY until I was 10, I plan on learning in kollel after I get married. Is it really lying if I deny this part of my life? My parents have agreed to tell shadchunim that I was in learning mishnayis groups and attended siyuim mishnayus instead of NCSY conventions.

Why are red lips not painted another color to avoid attention?

Can I play Wii with my wife while she is a needa since our cars may touch each other?

Where did ladies who wear bikins and snoods get their heterim from?

Is it assur for me to hook up with my mother in law for shalom bayis purposes, there is no prohibition against women together is there?

If there are only male clerks in a store, is it permissible for me to ask one for help?

One of my brothers was adopted, can I talk to him?

If I am in an elevator with my mother is that yichud?

If there is no counter for my slam the change onto while I am working as a cashier, what should I do?

I find that I need make up on shabbos – does being in the shidduch crisis allow me a heter to make myself look pretty on shabbos?

If I am stranded on a desert island with members of the opposite sex- must I kill them to avoid breaking yichud? How would I kill them without breaking the laws of negiah? Could I eat a member of the opposite sex if I had nothing else to eat?

Can a man eat turkey breast? If so may he touch it with his actual hand or does he need to use a utensil at all times?

What materials are permissible to throw on shabbos if they are aimed at being mekarev apirkorsim? I am just asking because I heard rocks are assur now and we have mostly resorted to throwing fruit which may be considered baal tashchis?

Is it permissible to hack into a potential shidduchs computer to see if she has anything to hide?

Is it ok to order food in a restaurant where the male waiter actually looks me in the eye when he asks what I’d like to order?

When a woman breaks halacha by sitting in the front of the bus, what is the best way to teach her a lesson – feathering and tarring, beating or stoning?

Can we bleach a girl on shabbos for dressing unztnius or is that breaking the melocha of coloring, cleaning and squeezing?

If I get into a cab and the driver is of the opposing gender- should i ask to leave a door open?

If someone who doesn’t know the laws of negiah touches me – is it better to call the vaad hatznius or scream for the police?

Should I report my friends that do not keep shabbos to the bais din?

If I am going up a stairwell and meet a women coming down should I walk down and then go up when she leaves? Should I just keep going?

Can I go on an escalator while someone of the opposite sex is on it?

Can I invite my non-religious relatives or non-Jewish co-workers to my wedding?

If I have a medical emergency in Israel- but I don’t believe in the State of Israel- is it better to go untreated, then to G-d forbid go to a hospital that supports Israel?
Can I accept treatment from non-hatzolah paramedics?

Can I go to a barbershop where both sexes are getting haircuts?

Can I walk on the same side of the street as a woman if we are the only ones on the street and it is dark out?

If I need to go to the mikvah on shabbos, is it better to blow dry my hair then to have someone realize where i have just come from as that may be untznius and lead to inappropriate thoughts?

Can I tell my husband it is mikvah night before I come home because he may start planning ahead and have impure thoughts?

Is it inappropriate to look my mother in law in the face?

May I speak to my date after I have decided that he isn’t for me?

Can men wear red ties or is that too bright? Why do all the yeshivish guys I know wear pink and orange ties?

If my date walks into oncoming traffic but she may not necessarily be killed, can I grab her to prevent her from doing it?

Can a brother hug his sister? Can he speak to her?

Is wearing a red velvet yarmulke untznius?

Should I get breast reduction surgery because people can tell I have breasts no matter what I wear?

I work at empire and we were wondering if yeshivish people will buy more of our products if we took breast out of the name?

If my brothers friends are over should I leave the house?

Can I wear a dark gray or navy wedding dress since that is more tznius, or is there some need to wear white?

Can I make my husband wear a blindfold when we walk around since we live in Miami and there are many pritzusdicke girls?

Is it tznius for a woman to say shabbosdick or yuntiffdick?

Can I compliment my friends mother on her food or is that not tznius?

Can I tell my wife that she looks beautiful when she is a needa?

If I don’t participate in synchronized swimming tryouts do I have to shave my head when I get married?

Can a male doctor deliver my baby or should I hold it in?

Are red cars tznius?
Is my 3 year old son allowed to play with dolls of the opposite sex? Is he allowed to pla at all or should he just be learning all day?

Is it assur for my wife to leave the house when she is pregnant because nothing can hide the fact she is and then people will think about how she got pregnant?

What is assur to lie about on a shidduch resume?

Can I publicly rebuke my off the derech brother so he will come back on?

If my little sister dresses untzniusly but is frummer then I am in every way, are my shidduch chances ruined?

How old do I have to be to be allowed to join online dating sites?

Is joining frumster assur because not everyone wears a black hat?

My mother doesn’t cover her hair, can I tell my dates that she is the maid so they will not dump me?

What is the best method to help apikorsim see the torahs true light?

Can I whisper and point at a girl who is dressed immodestly to make her feel uncomfortable, so I don’t embarrass her in public?

I became frum recently; must I change my birth name to a Jewish name?

Is it better to wear a light colored suit with a hat to davening or stay at home?

Is my davening counted if a chabadnick davens for the amud?

If I wear a srugi with a hat on is that counted due to the fact that srugis do not have two head coverings?

If my wife insists on eating with me when we have guests is that grounds for a get?

Do I have to give my wife a get if she dresses immodestly?

If I get custody of my sons can they live in the same house with me or is that yichud?

If a Jew mentions that he works with non-Jews may I rebuke him for assimilating?

Other similar posts:

Ridiculous shidduch questions

Are you an out of towner?

Kosher toilet paper

Chumra research institute – with crazy chumras

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Yochanan

    “I find that I need make up on shabbos – does being in the shidduch crisis allow me a heter to make myself look pretty on shabbos?”

    Is the new phrase “My daughter’s in the crisis.”?

  • Nate

    I’m rolling my eyes at many of these questions, because if they are serious, then we’ve got a real problem. We’ve taught people enough Halacha to understand the concepts, but not enough Halacha to understand the boundaries of them either.

    Case in point:
    “If I am in an elevator with my mother is that yichud?”

    I’m going to ignore the mother issue, but the elevator is actually a decent question. But since the elevator could stop at any floor randomly, it’s not yichud.

    Okay, another one because I couldn’t resist:
    “Can I tell my husband it is mikvah night before I come home because he may start planning ahead and have impure thoughts?”

    Pas B’salo.

  • Veebee

    Hilarious. Well done. (y)

  • tesyaa

    I laughed out loud about slamming the change on the counter. Thanks for brightening my crummy morning.

  • http://crawlingaxe.blogspot.com CA

    I was sitting at a bar tonight drinking an ice cold glass of New Castle beer talking with a buddy about how people in the frum world give more respect for externals then internals

    As opposed to which world? And how do they give more importance — by dressing alike? That’s giving less importance. Nobody said chitzoinius is not important. Not falling in love with it is important. Making it a keili for pnimiyus is important.

    Some questions are interesting. Most are normal questions which were made look ridiculous. I think this is modern version of pilpul. Nu, every group of Yidden needs to find a way to chak chainik.

  • http://crawlingaxe.blogspot.com CA

    Internals does mean organs. And there is no such thing as “externals”. The proper way is “external more than internal” — in singular.

  • ysh

    Are you allowed to flush the toilet on shabbos — isn’t there an issue of hotza’ah mereshus lereshus?

  • http://www.thetalmudist.com Talmudist

    What about the lady who was concerned that her (newly-purchased-off-Ebay) $200k NASA-grade spacesuit may not be tznius enough for her to go jogging publicly in?

  • Anonymous

    I’m itch’n to throw one of these questions at my online gerius group . The present thread asks is it tznuis to shop at Shop-Rite if they sell xtian offering candles.

  • http://soqueer.blogspot.com Faith

    In truth, some rabbonim have made the case that talking about molestation by someone in the community is loshon harah

  • http://welcomebalance.blogspot.com s(b.)

    great. ask one a day. I dare you. Anonymous #9, they’re really misappropriated yarzheit candles on steroids. :cheesy:

  • http://garnelironheart.blogspot.com Garnel Ironheart

    > Are you allowed to flush the toilet on shabbos — isn’t there an issue of hotza’ah mereshus lereshus?

    No, but doing your zipper up after is tofer.

  • crazy jewish

    How about during a wedding, the chosson and kallah should not do “badekking”(??) until they are married. Further, they should not do the chupa ceremony together but rather use a same-sex shliach since technically they are still unmarried.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    I should have asked about why yeshivas are allowed to purchase bulk closeout holiday plates and bowls.

    In my yeshiva we used Halloween plates all year.

  • Jenny

    I’m still surprised, that it’s up to the mother not the father that the child is considered Jewish or not. But then you get a blow to the ego when they say, shelo asani isha (right next to shelo asani goy) Thanks a lot!

  • Halachah

    “Can I tell my wife that she looks beautiful when she is a needa?”

    Actually it is clearly assur, if you learned the basics of Harchaka, (the many things we do, or dont do, when the woman is not clean, so there is a constant reminder and a clear barrier, to prevent the human affection/attraction of overcoming the clear halacha of non-cohabitation) which most ppl don’t learn in depth until they are actually getting married. It is based on the same principle of not giving presents to one another, when the woman is not clean. Just another way that boundaries are kept.

    “Are you allowed to flush the toilet on shabbos — isn’t there an issue of hotza’ah mereshus lereshus?”

    I actually asked my Rabbi this exact shaila, and i learned a very important halacha: you are allowed to spill something in your reshus, even though you know it will eventually flow out of your reshus. An analogous scenario, when you wash your hands on Succoth next to the garden on Yom Tov, when you know the water will run into the garden, and water the plant. Not a problem, since you are (assumingly) pouring it onto concrete, the fact that it eventually lands on earth, doesn’t make it Chillul Yom Tov/Shabbos. (Very different then the regular Psik Raishe)

  • Halachah

    Why didn’t my comment post?

  • the law

    shelo asani isha, shelo asani aved, isnt that just redundant?

    • enslaved husband

      you read wrong, it says isha, not ish.

  • G*3

    Really funny! It’s disturbing is how many of these questions I can see being asked seriously.

  • Arthur

    Clearly from some of these questions the basic principle of being too machmeer has never been taught to some of these people.

    Being too machmeer is a much bigger problem then, lo alenu ( tongue in cheek, being too mekel since being too machmeer cause others to think that yehadut is ridicules and i thus a chilul hashem.

  • http://mysticalpaths.blogspot.com Akiva

    OK, I had no choice, I had to ANSWER all these questions.

    Ridiculous Halachic Answers are here.

  • http://crawlingaxe.blogspot.com CA

    Others think “yehadut” is ridiculous no matter what.

    The whole serving G-d thing. Whom are we kidding? It’s all about community.

  • http://crawlingaxe.blogspot.com CA

    Oh, another thing — go read the first sentence of Shulchan Aruch.

  • Heterim are for Hippies

    Can someone explain why the first one is not legit? How is it different from “davening” in a reform shul or worse. Not following halacha is not following halacha. Kibud av vaim doesn’t let you ignore halachos..

  • Allie

    I actually saw the bikini/snood question on a diff website – asked in all seriousness… but it is a good question

  • http://esseragaroth.blogspot.com Ben-Yehudah

    B”H

    I see your point, but what does that make me in your eyes if I actually think there might be something two of the above questions? {I’d need more information}

    …a meshugenah, judgmental, frumer than though prat with serious case of BT-itis?

    In a bar, huh? hmmmmm…….

  • http://www.frumfemale.blogspot.com frum single female

    these questions are just so fun to ponder!

  • Navah

    The concern of the Talmudic Sages for the privilege of privacy due a woman in special circumstances serves as the determining factor in the different rulings provided in what seem to be two identical cases.

    Case One: A woman enters, with permission, the house of a neighbor in order to bake bread in his oven.
    The neighbor’s goat eats her dough and as a result becomes sick and dies.

    Ruling: The Sage Rava ruled that she must pay for the damage caused to the goat through her negligence.

    Case Two: A woman, with permission, enters a neighbor’s house to grind some wheat. The neighbor’s animal eats the wheat, becomes sick and dies.
    Ruling:
    The Sages ruled that she has no responsibility for the damage.

    The Difference: When a woman receives permission to enter a house, she must assume responsibility for guarding the host’s animal from damage only when her presence precludes the host’s ability to be present. In the process of baking, the intense heat forces her to roll up her sleeves. This renders it improper for the host to remain in the house and responsibility for guarding the host’s animal from damage devolves upon her. This need for privacy is not present when she grinds her wheat modestly dressed, and responsibility for guarding the animal remains with its owner.

    • Bava Kama 48a

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    For those of you who did not realize, the first question was poking fun at frum people who think that just because a mechitza is low that it is treif.

    30 tefuchim is pretty darned low – Phil whats the legal height of a mechitza?

  • Arthur

    a mechitza only has to be 10 tefachim high to be correct – about 40 inches

  • qwaq

    this defenitly belongs in the best of frum satire. that wii one is a little bit strange

  • http://crawlingaxe.blogspot.com Crawling Axe

    For those of you who did not realize, the first question was poking fun at frum people who think that just because a mechitza is low that it is treif.

    It’s treif for them (acc. to where they are holding).

  • Arthur

    According to where they are holding

    what are they airplanes in a holding pattern around an airport?

    what a sensless meaningless expression

    according to where they are in life
    according to their station in life

    where they are holding that is such a bogus nonsense yeshivish expression that really irks

  • http://esseragaroth.blogspot.com Ben-Yehudah

    For those of you who did not realize, the first question was poking fun at frum people who think that just because a mechitza is low that it is treif.

    OK, that means I’m only half the meshugana kanoi you thought I was.

    ;-}

    P. S. Look for this post when Shabbath goes out in NY in this week’s edition of Haveil Havalim on EsserAgaroth.blogspot.com.

    I’ll send Frum Satire an email. Can we say your real name publicly, yet? j/k ;-}

  • http://jadedcrystalsparkle.blogspot.com/ Jaded Topaz

    Satire aside for a second, what is even more ridiculous than anything else, is how “halacha” is deconstructed, reconstructed, misconstrued and mostly just plain misunderstood.

  • Ridiculous Question

    FRUM SATIRE- How can people look at only what is on the inside and not on what is on the outside (clothes). If you hold of that philosophy, than perhaps when it comes to shidduch dating I can expect you to marry a great girl that looks like a balloon. I’m just kidding with you, and I know you really have good intentions however……. I would like to point out that although it might sound ridiculous to you that people care what you dress like, it is really not so crazy. The way you dress definately plays an impact on how you act. Take for example- if you wear a skull and crossbnones tee shirt as opposed to a suit. Wouldn’t you act a little more mature and businesslike when wearing the suit!? Why do you think certain corporations require a dress code? Please be honest.

  • Kempmill

    Very funny

  • http://www.machanechodosh.org Joel Gafni

    1. Is it allowed to be a chazzan on Shabbat based on a salary? Please list all sources.
    2. Is it allowd to lead the servicess from the Bimah or from the indivdual seat? List sources.
    3. Is a Choir consider to be part of the Cantor in terms that if they say a part of a prayer and the Cantor says a part it is consider that it was all said by a Cantor? list Sources.
    4. Is it allowd to be a Chazzan in a none orthodox Shul? and if there are any ecceptions? List sources.
    5. If The Rabbi Says A, and The President says B who dose the Cantor listens to? List sources.
    6. I a cantor is asked 3 times to lead a service not by his shull is he allowd to refuse? List sources.
    7. Can a Mamzer be a Chazan, or are there any other bariers? List sources.
    8. Who is aligeble to be a Cantor, and what are the prefereces in the list of the malot a cantor needs to have? List Sources.
    9. If A choir answers Amenin harmony and part of the choir are conducted to answer in a hiher pitch than the Cantor, is it consider answering higer than the Cantor which is a problem in Halacha or perahps because it is a harmony set this way therefore it is OK?
    10. Is it allowd to use None jewish Melodies in the service? List Sources.
    11. If a Cantor lengthens the service on a Holy Day is it consider Chetzio Lachem or Chetzio Lahashem, both, or nigther? List Sources.
    12. Is it allowd to use a Microphone on Shabbat? list sources.
    13. Is it allowd to teach a girl her Bat Mitzvah Portion? List Sources.
    14. can a woman be a Cantor? List Sources.
    15. Is it allowd to use a Tunning fork on Shabbat? List sources.
    16. If a jentile can acompany the Cantor with a Violyn on Shabbat? List Sources.
    17. Is itallowd to be acompanied by a pianist on a weekly service? List sources.
    18. Can a blind person be a Cantor? list sources.
    19. Dose a Cantor requier to say the entier Kdusha lowd including the Main K’dushah? List Sources.
    20.Is the Cantor allowd to dance during the repetition in order to create a livelihood to the davening? List sources.
    P.s. all of these questions I am asking as I am curios to know your opinion,but I am not really asking you like a Sheilah to a Rav.

  • Puzzled

    Joel, I’m no expert, but I don’t see why these are ridiculous questions. Many of them seem to be reasonable questions. In a few cases, I wonder (without any particular knowledge) if the fact that a practice, although halachically questionable, has been accepted for many years by the klal makes a difference.

  • http://telemarketingleads.tumblr.com/ telemarketing leads for you

    I want to say thanks!, Real telemarketing leads [url=http://telemarketingleads.tumblr.com/#1]Real telemarketing leads[/url], 42142,

  • baffled

    The Wii question floored me. Should you do anything fun with a wife who is niddah? When my wife is niddah, it is almost never fun!!!