Kelsey Media

Things that Modern orthodox people never say

58 comments

I was just thinking last night that you would never hear a modern orthodox person say that his daughter was redd a shidduch or that his kids are in the parshah and that me thinking. I should compile a list of things that modern people never say – its not comprehensive by any means and I didn’t need it to be, its more an interactive post. I also thought of some things that modern people have started saying but sound stupid saying them. This has begun with the shift to the right within modern orthodoxy.

Things modern people never say

My daughter is in the parsha

Can I redd you a shidduch

What sugya are you learning?

The Eibishta

It’s a heliga olem

They are such an ehrliche family

Heimishe

He’s a geshmaka guy

He’s an ainekle of

The gansa mishpacha

Such mailos like you would not believe

Can you send me your shidduch resume?

He’s a modernishe guy

My daughter is busy (frum people love to talk about shidduchim unless their kids are dating someone – then God forbid they say they are dating – they just say they are busy)

My daughter is in shidduchim (similar to you saying you are in diamonds – but its not meant that she is a shadchun its meant that she’s in the parshah)

Rosh Yeshiva in one syllable which sounds like Roshiva

She’s very aidel

Ata zuy

She’s so shtotty

Instead of saying off the derech frummies tend to say Off The D or at risk

Things that Modern people have started to say but sound stupid:

I’ve been shteiging in Israel for the last few years

I dafka didn’t want it like that

Its mamish amazing B”H

He’s so shtark

What else can you add to the list?

  • tim

    Things modern people never say

    Gut Voch

    • Levy Bernstein

      False. I say it every week.

      • Zvi Lampert

        People who say gut Shabbos say gut voch.
        people who say Shabbat shalom say shavuah tov.

    • http://abandoningeden.blogspot.com abandoning eden

      seconding the false, my modern orthodox family always said gut voch, and gut shabbas

  • tesyaa

    “What sugya are you learning?”

    Why can’t modern people say this??

  • tesyaa

    And you forgot shkoyach. When did modern people start saying this? When my husband says shkoyach to me I tell him I want a real thank you.

  • BigPhil

    What about: “Tattie, he klupt me in the meela!” ? Bet you’ve never heard a modern kid say that before.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Big Phil you are right

    Tesyaa modern people use things like daf but not sugya.

    Ever since I can remember modern people have used the terms shkoyach and shaloshudis – but during sayings of gut yuntiff they use good and actually say it.

  • chevramaidel

    “Zei gebensht!” (when the person saying it really means “Go to hell!”

  • Zoli

    I’m M-O and use every one of these!!

  • http://blog.ookamikun.com Moshe

    I like telling frummies Shabbat Shalom, Chag Sameach, Shavua Tov, Suedat Shlishi, etc.

    If you have any Satmar co-workers, make sure to tell them Chag Sameach on Yom Ha’atzmaut.

  • Anonymouse

    Anouther one you won’t hear any hariadi say:
    Hallel on yom ha’atzmaut.
    Im making Aliyah
    I have a girlfriend
    The rebbe is Mashiach
    Kollel is boring

  • http://blog.ookamikun.com Moshe

    Looks like spelling and grammar are boring too. :-P

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    Frum – I’ve hear many MO people say sugya before, but they mean it in a different way.

    When a frummy says sugya he means which 18 pages of gemara are you learning.

    When MO people say sugya, they mean that you learn a topic exhaustively, with printed out source-sheets, with two line snippets from everyone from Moses to Shachter.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Nemo how come modern people are addicted to print outs?

  • SF2K1

    “My daughter is in the parsha” – No way, everyone loves it when their name comes up in the parsha, even secularish or reform people.

  • Veebee

    shkoyach after they buy something
    im’yeertz hashem by you at every simchah

    • Zvi Lampert

      I once heard a guy yell “im’yeertz hashem by your mama!” at a wedding in response to im’yeertz hashem by you.

  • former baltimorean

    i am starting to see that the right winged leaning mo crowd, has begun saying git/gut shabbos, as opposed to good shabbos , or the more traditional shabbat shalom. another thing which i have seen, is when refering to a nice thought on the parsha which they may have read, learnt, or heard at the rabbi’s speech, using the more yeshivish vernacular, “a nice vort”.

  • tesyaa

    In MO-ese, they’re not called printouts, they’re called Source Notes.

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    MO’s were never about the opening and closing books and holding your finger in place in stacks and stacks of seforim.

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    M.O’s dont say poshut mamesh, lav davkeh or yechi.

  • Anonymous

    If modern people did say all those those things they wouldn’t be modern

  • http://michalbasavraham.blogspot.com/ Michal bas Avraham

    Most of the modern people I know are BTs, BTs who can’t even read Hebrew and don’t keep Shabbos and Kosher properly. This is all Yeshivish stuff. Some of the wannabe yeshivish say this stuff. You know, the black hats with a loud oversized TV….

  • anon for this

    chevramaidel, is that like saying “Well, bless your heart”?

  • http://welcomebalance.blogspot.com s(b.)

    “how come modern people are addicted to print outs?”
    ——————
    ’cause Gil Student and the Hirhurim cite sources like bad (shut your mouth!)s, that’s why. ((sources well-cited))

    and when you see me posting double parentheses, I’m hugging my print-outs, too. (that was sarcasm)
    ————————-
    If Judaism were hair, mine would have MO highlights; I say some of those things, sometimes. Depends who’s around. Context and company play a part.

  • http://mikeinmidwood.blogspot.com Mikeinmidwood

    They never say kinderlach zayeh gut, this doesnt shtim, you shtultzing me eh? and anything of that sort.

  • Former Teacher

    MO people never say, “My peiyos aren’t long enough.”

  • OPINIONATED

    Chareidi people never say, “Are you shomer negia?”

  • OPINIONATED

    MO males are more likely than Charei males to specify in their Frumster profiles that they need someone “slim” and “curvy”.

    • Yonabomber

      No, the Chareidi just call sya they are looking for someone who is “aidle” instead…

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    SB I must say I miss your comments

  • ConservativeSci Fi

    I hear “heimish” used all the time in my conservative synagogue. “Gut Voch” is also used on sunday morning minyan. I have to agree that I don’t hear the rest even at my cousin’s MO synagogue. But then, I don’t know anyone MO with “children in the parsha”.
    At my synagogue, we’re always happy when the “child in the parsha” manages to navigate to a Jewish spouse.

  • Anonymous

    >>When a frummy says sugya he means which 18 pages of gemara are you learning.

    >>When MO people say sugya, they mean that you learn a topic exhaustively, with printed out source-sheets, with two line snippets from everyone from Moses to Shachter.

    You are a low life, anti semetic scumbag

  • SF2K1

    Michal:

    A “BT” who doesn’t keep shabbos or kosher isn’t a “BT” anymore than any other Jew who appreciates Judaism. You kind missed the whole Ba’al (master) Teshuva (returning) part of BT.

  • Jenny

    Oy Vey!

  • http://welcomebalance.blogspot.com s(b.)

    aw. :) I’ve been meaning to send a note. My mom had surgery on Monday and I’m still learning to walk. It’s been keeping me busy. Eema’s fine; PT is good, but I want my feet back, already.

    Nemo, excuse me, but if I hear, “Is that a sefer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” one more time, I’m going strictly printouts!

    (source notes, whatever; divrei torah … they come on pieces of paper … I came across some I printed from Behar while cleaning today, about emotional homicide. I don’t have money to buy all the books cited; better to learn online than not at all.)

  • Anonymouse

    Thing youll never hear a hariedi say:
    After inviting you over for friday night dinner:
    “would you like to join my wife and I for an orgy”

    • Zvi Lampert

      ROFL!!!
      That’s what you think…

      • OfftheDwannaB

        HAHAHA! That is one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a long time. That should definitely be a comedy routine.

  • http://welcomebalance.blogspot.com s(b.)

    (For anyone who doesn’t know I’m a woman, please realize I was being completely facetious in comment 32, above, and my dress doesn’t have any pockets, and it would be a really tiny sefer that would fit into a skirt pocket. I don’t even think my book of Tehillim would fit into any of my skirt pockets.)

  • Anonymous

    you often don’t hear Feilach or other yiddish words amongst the MO. Also not much of extreme Eastern European Ashkenazi (like Toyrah, etc.)

  • Bsamim Smoker

    Anonymouse(the one who made the sexual comment)
    YOU ARE A SICK TWISTED DEMENTED PUPPY I SWARE IF A EVER HUNT YOU DOWN IN REAL LIFE I WILL GO PINCHAS ON YOUR A**.do you know how many woman you creeped out with that comment

    • Anonymous

      I sware, yoo shood go bak to graed skool four remideal speleng.

    • Zvi Lampert

      I think you need to somke some bisamim and calm down, dude.

  • Jenny

    I thought the sex comment was rather funny lol

  • Rach

    Bsamim Smoker calm down! you are the one that sounds sick and twisted with the way you talk! I agree with Jenny – the sex comment was pretty funny!

    that’s the diff between “yeshivish” and MO – MO don’t take every little comment, blow it out of proportion, and say you are going “off the derech” – seriously chill!

  • Rach

    Bsamim Smoker calm down! you are the one that sounds sick and twisted with the way you talk!

    that’s the diff between “yeshivish” and MO – MO don’t take every little comment, blow it out of proportion, and say you are going “off the derech” – seriously chill!

  • Chizkiyahu

    anonymouse (4th feb) – i’m not trying to be difficult, but sephardi haredim (well, most of them) do say hallel on yom ha’atzmaut)….and chag sameah, shabbat shalom, shavua tov, etc.

    Ch.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Well sephardim are the only Jews that all go to shul together and don’t have an external caste system based on yarmulkes and hats

  • Bisimcha

    What would anyone do in shul if not for those OU prinouts?

  • HABS

    Yunglite

  • Zvi Lampert

    What about Chutch, Grada, feste, knacker, mimonafshach…

  • http://www.mazeartist.com Sergey Kadinsky

    I’m a poshiter Yid.

  • http://orthodoxjewishnurses.googlepages.com/ Rivka

    sigh. the strong feelings that heshy is able to conjure.

    besamim, maybe try smoking something a little stronger. it may help you chill a little.

  • http://shavuatov.wordpress.com Rachel

    We say shkoiach all the time and we’re progressive (I know!). It’s generally in shul though…

  • Aba

    I once used the phrase “visceral geshmake”. Maybe I had been in Brooklyn shortly before.

  • http://myindigolives.wordpress.com/ Ellie Kesselman

    I clicked “Awesome” and it returned “undefined”!

    If you look closely, you’ll find Heimishe http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/15500/what-does-heimishe-mean
    and even geshmaka ???? ?????, ?? ?’???? ??????? ???
    http://theantitzemach.blogspot.com/2013/07/blog-post_6535.html