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The differences between modern orthodox and frummie weddings

With the recent push to the right, modern orthodoxy is beginning to look like black hat Judaism, luckily its not too crazy yet and you still have distinctly modern orthodox weddings and yeshivish or frummie weddings. Even though many black hats wind up at modern orthodox weddings due to the brainwashing tactics of Yeshivas in Israel, one can instantly tell they are at a modern orthodox event and here is why.

Differences between modern orthodox and frummy weddings:

At Yeshivish weddings most of the young people are friends with their own sex, meaning it is quite rare for a yeshivish girl or guy to invite their friends or have friends of the opposite sex show up at the wedding its almost unheard of.

At modern weddings you will usually find more men on the Kallahs side chowing down then on the chossons side, while at yeshivish weddings its the opposite.

At Yeshivish weddings they always have more food at the chossons tish than at modern weddings, the booze at yeshivish weddings is usually better because people usually bring their own because people are generally poorer.

At Modern weddings you can understand who is being called up to the chupah to make a bracha, at yeshivish weddings they have to do it in scary Yinglish or they get fired, oh and they have to add a lot of suffixes to the names of everyone why isnt rabbi good enough? Now its Harav, Morah Dasra, Shlita, Gaon and a bunch of other namexs that remind me of those nutritionists in the Jewish Press that must put 10 initials to prove they are qualified to tell you not to eat after 6pm.

Yeshivish weddings rarely have any strapless gown types who have husbands with the husbands in the white yarmulkes that look like tents. Modern weddings never have as many shnorrers as yeshivish weddings maybe because Teanack and Marina Del Ray arent easy to get to from the airport.

Modern weddings always have a reception, and I am not talking about soggy broccoli salad and lettuce with mangoes and strawberries. Yeshivish weddings rarely have real bars.

Women rarely say tehilim at modern weddings, at yeshivish weddings its huge. At both types of weddings the chupa is separate seating.

Have you ever noticed a man learning a sefer at a modern wedding? Well maybe that one holier than thou cousin who thinks the mechitza is too short. At frummie weddings there are always a couple of guys learning instead of dancing whats up with that?

Modern wedding benchers never say simchas nisuin and yeshivish benchers never have English on them.

Modern weddings tend to use movable objects like plants as mechitzas, but yeshivish weddings use bulletproof walls to block the action out.

At black hat weddings the hall saves on cleaning expenses because no one uses their knives or napkins on the mens side, on the womens side the girls tend not to eat.

The main course at frummy weddings always sucks unless they are rich in which case it never compares to the smorgasbord. Modern weddings always have better food and never serve cholent frummie weddings have schnorer tables and crashers I have crashed modern weddings but its rarely done.

At frummie weddings you may find someone sitting in your seat eating your half eaten food, while at modern weddings that would never happen even my casual asking if your gonna eat that gets looks.

If a woman with her hair uncovered shows up at a frummy wedding its the talk of the town. I remember a few years back at my yeshiva dinner one of my old friends wives wasnt covering her hair and it was an instant loshon harah festival.

At frummie weddings the guy is always shuckeling underneath the chupa, at modern weddings he isnt, but I have noticed that they still wear kittels.

Woman dont drink or admit they are drinking at frummie weddings, even though I always get asked by women to get them a drink is it untznius for women to drink?

At the end of modern weddings after all the older guests have left the younger guests may have mixed dancing or all go out to a club or something, at frummie weddings they go home and log into facebook to tag pictures, or wish people the zoche to build a bayis neeman byisroel on only simchas.

At modern weddings no one ever says im yirtza Hashem by you!

At modern weddings the guests are way better dressed then at Yeshivish ones. There are always a bunch of men in blue sport coats and khakis who keep picking up their yarmulkes that have fallen off.

The shtick at frummie weddings is always better and people are always drunker adding to the excitement.

At frummie weddings you always the official wedding shadchun who is usually an annoying old hag who only wants to set up the wealthy guys and best looking girls. At modern weddings people make actual introductions they dont do it meat market style.

At frummie weddings I am always the only one wearing a non-white shirt.

Modern orthodox people dont do those frummie tap dances with the twirling hands.

The girls always wear way too much makeup at frummie weddings, and they are almost always married.

Modern orthodox Jews cannot dance Jewish style, but I do love the yaish dance.

Frummies never give away yarmulkes at weddings because velvet cost too much and they would never give suede which is the official Jewish wedding yarmulke material.

Has anyone ever been to a frummy wedding where anyone wore a tux?

Other wedding posts:

My first wedding posts ever

Eliot and Amys crazy bucharian wedding

Lubavitch weddings without smirnoff suck

My fathers wedding

This wedding had a berlin wall for a mechitza

Why don’t frum men wear wedding rings?

{ 43 comments… add one }
  • shevers January 27, 2009, 12:08 AM

    Everyone knows Chabad weddings are the best.

  • tnspr569 January 27, 2009, 12:12 AM

    Velvet costs too much? Clearly you haven’t been to the right stores in Israel. The knit kippot cost too much to give out!

    The yeshivish trends are slowly but surely permeating modern weddings…same goes for dating. What’s going to happen? How will we be able to tell the two sects apart in the future? Clearly the Chumrah Research Institute will have to be reach previously unseen levels of stringency in order to maintain separations.

  • tnspr569 January 27, 2009, 12:18 AM

    *will have to reach


  • Frum Satire January 27, 2009, 12:22 AM

    TNSPR maybe its time for an update on the chumra research institute or maybe I could do a research paper on the happenings at the program

  • Frumster January 27, 2009, 12:38 AM

    That’s an intense study on the differences between the two types of weddings!

  • Ariella January 27, 2009, 12:45 AM

    I will be giving away who i am with this story…. I must have had the strangest MO wedding EVER.

    2002- at the Brooklyn College Hillel. We could not afford anything else. We paid about 5,000$ from food to dress, to tux to various gemachs. Our Deejay was a brother of ZBT- i think his name was BrainFreeze . Our Bartender was my friend Brian who was seen earlier holding up the chuppah He is AEPi. I was in SDT, with some sisters as attendants. 1/3rd of my guests did not show up. it was a real mix.

  • Frum Satire January 27, 2009, 12:58 AM

    I am laughing most at Deejay Brainfreeze – thats hilarious.

    Awesome story

  • Material Maidel January 27, 2009, 2:41 AM

    Jews ALWAYS say Im Yirtzeh Hashem by you!

    I’ve been getting it since my bat mitzvah!

  • Not a Geek January 27, 2009, 3:14 AM

    Frum satire your posts keep on getting better and better..

  • Veebee January 27, 2009, 7:24 AM

    Material Maidel – I’ve received that brachah around 3 times in my life and they were all by rabbis at a siblings marriage.

  • former baltimorean January 27, 2009, 8:27 AM

    at frumie chuppas, the kesubah must be read by the hungarian grand-father, who forgot to put his false teeth on.

  • Sheva NYC January 27, 2009, 8:38 AM

    Oy, I am a dinosaur from another era.

    None of these sound like the modern orthodox/Young Israel weddings I’ve been too. Hmmm, maybe I havent been to a wedding since 1987….. 😉

    I think I have to downgrade my status from Modern Orthodox to Conservadox.

  • Batya January 27, 2009, 10:05 AM

    Mr. Frum Satire,

    This doesnt really have to do with weddings but i just saw your video on paying for girls on dates and I would just like to say that i think your a peice of kacky. The reason for this is because Shidduch dates are bad enough. Now your trying to convince these boys not to open doors or pay for girls also? How much more are we gonna have to deal with on these dates? Its bad enough when the guys “forget their wallet” or take me to starbucks and give me a five dollar maximum. But now they are just gonna straight out say “i dont want to pay for you”? Chivalry is dead enough why are u making it worse? Girls spend at least an hour preparing for the date picking out the right outfit, putting on makeup doing there hair, they starve themselves and work out like crazy so they can look good for you people, and now you wont even put in the effort of opening the stupid door?

  • Phil January 27, 2009, 10:12 AM

    Where do BT wedding come in? The mixed crowd of black hatters dancing alongside black people, the sheitels dancing with strapless, the fry people wondering what the next weird ritual is going to be, the frum people worried when the men and women will attempt dancing with each other. I guess the mishmash wedding is a topic for another post.

  • Michal bas Avraham January 27, 2009, 10:21 AM

    We should start asking, “how much are you going to spend on me? I need to know if I should actually get ready or if I can just roll out of bed and show up.

    This is why I said, forget it, I’m not getting married.

  • Michal bas Avraham January 27, 2009, 10:25 AM

    They don’t fit the mold of this discussion.

    How about a converts wedding? All the Xtians coming…. along side the black hats…. I guess that why frum Jewish men don’t want to so much as date a gyoress.

  • Phil January 27, 2009, 11:16 AM


    I’ve seen worse. My cousin married a girl who’s mom is a Sephardi and her dad is a convert originally from Austria. My cousin’s grandmother (from Chernowitz) refused to attend the wedding because the bride’s grandfather, a goy that served in the Lutwaffe during the war, was attending too. She deemed the guy a nazi and that was the end of the discussion. No one will ever know what he did or didn’t do during the war, he refused to talk about it until he died, except for claiming that he deserted at some point.

    I think most men that don’t date converts have issues with conversion, the wedding guests are the least of their concern.

  • Katrina January 27, 2009, 11:38 AM

    Hey, Sheva NYC, what’s wrong with Conservadox?


  • Talmudist January 27, 2009, 12:12 PM

    Yeshivish weddings always (if the chosson was popular enough in the Mir) have the three slick bochurim that do an ad hoc semi-choreographed coordinated Michael Jackson hat-sliding moonwalk routine that all the pretty girls on the other side of the Great Barricade take gravity-defying measures to witness.

  • ouchy January 27, 2009, 1:11 PM

    yeah chabad weddings are the best of both worlds.

  • Phil January 27, 2009, 1:34 PM


    Except for the music which generally sucks, either DJ playing moshiach moshiach endlessly, or some crappy one mand band, usually some kid. Very few exceptions to this rule, my wedding was one, as I insisted on more of a rock sound, the guy was a good guitarist.

  • Frum Satire January 27, 2009, 1:53 PM

    I forgot to mention the one man band which never shows up at a modern wedding

  • the law January 27, 2009, 4:15 PM

    yeshivish wedding – the one hocker who tries to breakdance, proceeds to kick someone in the face causing them to pass out.

    modern wedding – the off the derech brother who is a professional breakdancer pulls of an amazing 6 step, sweep-drop, baby-freeze, kick swipe, backspin combo… causing grandma to pass out.

  • Batya January 27, 2009, 4:45 PM


    Your right, why should we put in the effort of looking good when they wont put in any effort on the date? Soon theyll start making us pick them up, pay for them and open their doors. Maybe we should stop wearing makeup, cut our hair short and put on a suit.

  • Frum Satire January 27, 2009, 6:02 PM

    Hey Batya its the women who are complaining of a shortage of guys and guys who reject them outright – in order to solve your supposed shidduch crisis we need to make it easy for the guys to date.

    What do I get for dating some girl I am forced to date to make her feel that she is getting dates? Nothing except for a headache so if you want to stop complaining about too many girls and not enough guys that it would be fine.

    You know the video was screwing around – I think all dates should be dutch until you know the person well.

  • Michal bas Avraham January 27, 2009, 6:33 PM

    Well, the shortage is something the shadchans created. They won’t even talk to a guy about me or they will taint it so the guy surely won’t want me. They keep offering me these Conservative guys. I don’t have a TV. I am going to cover my hair…

    Shadchans are incompetent. Hey, Heshy, write another shadchan bashing post so I can comment more on them.

  • Former Teacher January 27, 2009, 7:54 PM

    I propose a ban on all weddings over $5,000! I think it stinks! Why should the parents cough up $20,000 for each one of their 13 children? What for?

  • Ariella January 27, 2009, 8:10 PM

    Former Teacher- I did it. it can be done, but it is very, very hard to do. Some tips if you want to do it.

    *Gemach gemach gemach! Table linens, silk florals, really uncomfy chair, dress.
    *Nice invites from Staples and printed on your printer.
    *Invite 100 peeps or less.
    *Limited Bar, mostly wine. Joyvin bought by the case in Jersey.
    *Rent your local hillel. At Brooklyn College, this can come with Kosher catering if Carmela is still there.
    *Photos taken by art student. BEAUTIFUL.
    *Even our Delish wedding cake came from a Gemach.
    *Day wedding.
    *Make your own wedding favors. Get jordan Almonds, little bells at a bead shop some tulle and ribbon.
    *Opt for a bridesmaids bouquet rather than full size.
    *Get your hillel rabbi to do the ceremony.
    *Assign your bridesmaids a color, and let them pick their dresses.

  • Anonymous January 28, 2009, 12:02 AM

    Frum Satire- I have to admit, you’re right on the ball! I would consider myself in the middle of the road (not yeshivish or modern, but frum). Therefore, as you probably assumed I’ve been to both kinds of weddings and it’s pretty darn funny how accurate you are. After reading many of your blogs, I must admit that I’m quite confused as to which part of orthodoxy you associate with. Do you consider yourself yeshivish, modern, “middle of the road”, or some other bria altogether?

  • Anonymous January 28, 2009, 3:13 AM

    “those nutritionists in the Jewish Press that must put 10 initials to prove they are qualified to tell you not to eat after 6pm.”

    Well put!

  • Brother D January 28, 2009, 6:55 AM


    You sound like your old school greek. Carmela left in 02, my freshman year. SDT is long gone. ZBT still djs events….AEPi still rules Hillel.

  • ShevaNYC January 28, 2009, 8:36 AM

    Hey Kat, noting wrong with conservadox….was a joke referring back to a very old blog about the tons of cateogories of jews. used to be relgious and non religous–now there are 23/24 different choices! lol

  • veebee January 28, 2009, 9:01 AM

    Anon- FS is the rebbi of his own chasiddut.

  • Hey January 28, 2009, 10:38 AM

    If I remember correctly, one of the pics of your pop’s MO wedding you had this guy siting and learning. What’s up with that?

  • Ariella January 28, 2009, 11:36 AM

    Brother- I know SDT is long gone. We got married november 02′

  • Batya January 28, 2009, 12:26 PM

    The reason for the shidduch crisis is not because guys are rejecting too many girls. Its the exact opposite. There are a lot of nice attractive jewish girls with good jobs, and its very very hard to find a mentch these days, and your sending out the wrong message and making it so much worse. Your basically saying that if you are a mentch then dont be one anymore.

  • Sergey Kadinsky January 29, 2009, 9:47 PM

    My wedding was modern but with strong traditional elements, such as a chasan’s tish, a kittel, mincha, maariv, and mothers symbolically breaking plates.

    Dancing was initially separate, but later mixed. While one guest insisted on a mechitza in the ballroom, this guest nevertheless danced anyway.

    To our surprise, five months later, guests from across the spectrum (from an intermarried cousin to a hasidic rabbi) are still complimenting me on my wedding, its music, food, and decor.

    My only regret is not inviting Heshy Fried, so that he could have seen firsthand that blended MO-Frum wedding mix can coexist.

  • B.BarNavi June 26, 2009, 2:14 AM

    “The Law” wins fifty internets. (Usually I am the chossene b-boy, but I’m neither off-the-derekh nor BT)

    “The mixed crowd of black hatters dancing alongside black people”
    Somebody warn DK! (Cheap swipe, I know.)

    My first Jewish wedding (well, davka my first wedding) was of a man who came from my MO Sephardic world and married into the black-hat frummie Baltimore world. The guests were a nice mix of MO (hatan’s side) and frummie (kalla’s side). That the wedding took place in Pikesville naturally meant that the basic format was super-frum, but with better food and music.

  • ohreally? August 26, 2009, 1:34 PM

    Idiot, Marina del Rey is right by LAX.

  • TDRDH October 18, 2009, 12:59 AM

    It was quite interesting at my wedding, me being Spanish-Portuguese M.O. in a tux, my wife’s parent’s one side being Haredi Ashkenazim, and the other being super kabbalistic Sefaradim. Black hatted rabbis, knit kippah yeshiva boys, 600 year old Sefardi great grandfathers who looked like the Baba sali, and English gentlemen in black tie. Everybody danced when they played old classic sefardi music, everybody shuffled around oddly when the yiddish stuff came on, everyone fought over who’s Rabbi would say what blessing (ironically the two ended up being childhood friends who embraced and split everything.) And yes, when it got late and the haredim went home to hybernate, the space between mehitza sections got pretty wide.

  • AJ Shawn March 29, 2010, 11:50 AM

    As usual, Heshy is funny but correct. though, if i may add, there is always the one ‘black sheep’ of the family with a blue shirt or something. Its sad how the ‘frumie’ weddings have terrible food, and they usually don’t have dessert.

  • rg May 31, 2010, 11:57 PM

    You forgot to mention that frummies are usually better looking than the modern orthodox shleps ,yes the MO’s eat with a knife & fork but its the frummies that were the gorgeous outfits with beautiful sheitels & flowing skirts & the modern orthodox with teir cheap un matched outfits ,this being typical MO,s types not the upscale Great Neck or Woodmere types.

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