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Are you Shomer but with it?

I know I posted this and deleted it last week, it was a mistake to delete it, it turned out.

I know multiple people who are in relationships in which shomer negia is being kept, it sucks, but the payoff is great. In most of these relationships one or both parties has at some point been sexually involved with someone of the opposite sex – thereby making them shomer but with it.

This actually happened to me in a shomer relationship I had with someone, the girl asked out right if I was “experienced” and I grudgingly said yes – I always feel like the innocent girls who haven’t done anything will be scared away by guys who weren’t always shomer negiah, I was wrong, she asked me to show her the ropes – well maybe in my imagination she did.

I am shomer but with it. Are you?

Other shomer negiah posts:

Shomer negiah loopholes

Do you keep fictional shomer negiah?

What type of negiah do you keep?

{ 88 comments… add one }
  • OPINIONATED January 21, 2009, 6:09 PM

    Shomer is the way to be.
    It’s blasting cool snowstorm, really.
    Don’t get no babies, don’t get date-crack,
    Shomer keeps you right on track.
    Shomer is the way to be.
    It’s the right thing for you and me.

  • Anonymous January 21, 2009, 6:17 PM

    wow, Opinionated. that’s some rhyming skills you got going on…

  • abandoning eden January 21, 2009, 6:35 PM

    what exactly is date-crack?

  • OPINIONATED January 21, 2009, 7:06 PM

    Here’s More:

    Hey you female!!!!!!!!!!

    Youve got a pulse.
    Youre still alive.
    You can bear a child until youre ninety-five.

    All you need are hormone shots,
    (A couple of injections)
    And someones leftover embryos.
    Just pay for the inspection.

    Its cheaper than in-vitro,
    And far less traumatic.
    You only pay for storage,
    Making babies is automatic!

    Hello nursing homes,
    Here I come.
    Youre not too old to have a baby,
    Youre only ninety-one!

  • Chavi January 21, 2009, 7:49 PM

    There are a bunch of people at my univ. who are baal Teshuvah and are thus shomer negiah now. I’m not, but … what can you do …

  • ipitythefoo January 22, 2009, 1:56 AM

    I just enjoy the fact that people make huge judgements based on the ‘shomer negia’ criteria. While I understand that touching can be an important part of a pre or not marital relationship, there is clearly too much emphasis put on the past. Just because I did X Y or Z last year and Abraham didn’t – on a deeper level the connection might be perfect. There are SO many facets to my current and past mitzvah observance… why only focus on one?

  • girl January 22, 2009, 5:16 AM

    And if the male shomer with it finds out, in wedding night, that his wife is also shomer with it? What will he say?

  • Former Teacher January 22, 2009, 10:01 AM

    The question is, is a Kesuba based on falshood valid? A Besula is worth 200 Zuz. A non-Besula is only worth 100 Zuz. Does this invalidate the Kesuba?

  • ipitythefoo January 22, 2009, 1:32 PM

    I would guess that kesuba is not valid and a new one needs to be written up.

  • crazy jewish January 22, 2009, 3:01 PM

    Former teacher/ ipitythefoo
    the kesubah is still good if the guy accepts her after.

    but i love how all the “yeshivish” people say one thing but when it comes down to their lives they try to circumvent all the rules.

  • girl January 22, 2009, 3:12 PM

    So you see why girls tend to be true shomrei negia, not with it…

  • chnyock January 22, 2009, 6:15 PM

    where experience counts most…..

  • Frum Satire January 22, 2009, 8:21 PM

    Girl – I would say damn girl you so fly

  • Schmans January 26, 2009, 3:14 AM

    Why did you delete the original post?

    Lots of people are trying to do what you’re doing…

    Whether they accomplish it or not is a different story but we have high hopes…

  • A. Nuran February 7, 2009, 12:56 AM

    If you like it, great. The “payoff” is mostly imaginary.

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