Kelsey Media

The Hot Chani Field Guide

35 comments

A few months back I published a post explaining to you all what exactly a Hot-Chani was, I now bring to you a snippet from the field guide to Hot Chanis written by my friend Mordy who runs the knish which is a Jewish version of the Onion.

Hot Chani Field Guide – snippet

Hereditary Hot Chanies

These mother/grown daughter Hot Chanie pairs are often seen shopping together in Flatbush and upscale outlet malls in the outlying NY area. While the senior Chanies tend to favor fur coats, shorter sheitels, and slightly lower heels, there is no doubt that the daughters have learned their sense of style at home. Also in that home is a husband and father who would prefer they developed a gambling habit instead because it would be cheaper. A Hot Chanie daughter-in-law is the only thing more expensive than a kollel son-in-law.

To read the rest of the Hot Chani field guide which is both brilliant and hilarious click here

  • Duby

    I loooove these Hot chanie articles !!! keep em coming….

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    Recycling posts?

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Nope only the picture – I cannot find anything that resembles a hot chani online – going to have to make a trip to Brooklyn and take some pictures

    • BH

      Better to come to Los Angeles. Way more Hot Chanies here :)

  • Bracha Tova

    Hysterical. Right on.

  • OPEN EYES

    It just takes a trip to Pomegranate, Glatt Mart or even Goldbergs to see hotter Chanis than those pictured. Those women pictured only rate a 2 on my Hot Chani scale.

  • http://www.theknish.com/ Mordy Ovits

    Our correspondent Shifra wrote the article with me. She also took extensive photographic notes which, sad to sa,y were confiscate by the DHS and classified top secret due to the obvious national security risks.

  • rachel

    Hot Chanies are the loophole to tznius. They wear skin tight t-shirts and pencil skirts and call that modesty, as long as their elbows and knees are covered.

  • Left Brooklyn

    What a hoot. Thanks Hesh.
    BTW, some aren’t so hot in the sack, but they are curious and willing to experiment ;)

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Left Brooklyn I know exactly what you are talking about

  • Left Brooklyn

    ;)

  • Mark

    Hesh, I’m sure you do.

  • http://www.semgirl.blogspot.com SemGirl

    You have to got to be kidding. Just go to any sheitel website. Or even onlysimchas if you get desperate.

  • Former Teacher

    You know what really disgusts me? Hot chanies with tops so tight that their nipples show. What are they thinking?

  • HOT CHANI FAN

    FORMER TEACHER: That’s my favorite part of Hot Chani watching. They go though so much pain and effort to wear the tight clothing for my enjoyment that I feel obligated to look. I can’t wait until it gets warmer outside and the Hot Chanis will fully display all their assets.

  • KOLD KAYLA

    Can someone enlighte me on the process in which a former demure Bais Yaakov girl transforms into a Hot Chani? Do you think my husband would mind if I became a Hot Chani like some of his friends wives?

  • B.P.VOYEUR

    Seeing the nipples is not tight enough. I’ve seen clothes on some of the Hot Chanis that are so tight I can see their birthmarks. Since they go to such trouble to show everything, why not enjoy?

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Well in that case we may have to make a new category of the hipster chani – hipsters have to wear really tight clothing to be considered such.

  • Rachel

    Since you want to marry a hot chanie..why do you make fun of them?

  • MoFo

    I don’t think he wants to marry one, I think he just wants to bang one.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Rachel Hot Chanis are the exact opposite of the types of girls I like. They are like the anti-hesh-woman.

    MoFo – its times like these I wish I were anonymous.

  • LIKE EM HOT

    Today it’s cold, but I saw a Hot Chani at a bakery on Avenue M. Of course she covered her hair with a snood, but that skirt was sure short and tight. Oy, how the suffer for our enjoyment.

  • Ahron

    My wife is a “hot chanie” and she is obsessed being one. She used to be moderate frum but since I am chasidish, she feels like she needs to fit in with all the other “hot chanie” chasidish gals. I do not mind. Hey, it is al pi ha toirah :) LOL LOL LOL

  • LIKE EM HOT

    Ahron – Where can I get a look at her – if you don’t mind.

  • http://northofbrooklyn.blogspot.com citizen of brooklyn north

    didn’t this post originate on the Ask Shifra blog?

  • http://www.theknish.com/ Mordy Ovits

    CoBN, I wrote it with Shifra, and have her permission to republish it on The Knish.

  • http://www.mazeartist.com Sergey Kadinsky

    I’m thankful my wife is not a “hot Chanie.” When young men look at her, they see a modest and traditional woman, rather than a temptress. Believe me, my wife can be stylish and hot, but she respects herself.

  • marc

    I think its pretty lame that you edit comments.

  • marc

    either have no comments at all or edit only vulgar, patently offensive ones that violate a certain posted standard
    otherwise its just your own censorship and i have no interest in that
    see the nytimes article this week in ‘the city’ section about the comments section on blogs
    thats where the action is

    as for you
    i will not be reading your petty work in the future unless you repost the comment you took down earlier tonight

  • Shira G.

    You tell him Marc!

  • Gitty S

    Seriously! Isn’t it a little silly that you’re sitting around staring at relatively modest dressed women’s asses and bitching about how its turning you on too much and you can’t get laid by them? I understand you’re supposed to be funny, but to actually think that women should hide out in a closet because you can’t be a man and realize that perhaps your own shortcomings are why you’re really frustrated.

    I think its time for men and women in the Orthodox Jewish community to grow up and take just a tiny drop of responsibility. yes heshy, I think it might help you to actually accept that women coexist with you in this tiny Jewish world and to have, like, just the tiniest drop of respect for them as people.

    I’m also a single girl and I see a tremendous amount of prevaling issues with Jewish males, including an immaturity that lasts a bit too long. Maybe I should take a page from your book and check out our married daddies because they’re somewhat more responsible lol

    While I do agree with you that women might be dressing too provocatively, I also think you’re completely oversimplifying. That dress is in response to shallow Judaism that is promoted by men expecting their wives to be fake ass religious, as they are.

    In conclusion, I think our best bet is to worry about our own faults and try to be our own best people. You’ll get married and your wife will be a hot Chanie too. I think its an issue that you and many boys want that instead of more important qualities. And don’t bother arguing that you don’t want that because we all know you do. Good luck finding her :)

    Gitty

  • Max

    I too think more girls should be checking out the hot daddies! LOL.

    The hot Chani syndrome happens everywhere and with all types. I know of a case where a teacher in a middle of-the-road frum boys school who’s a real hot Chani. She’s frum and always dressed in the tightest of skirts and sweaters. She left to take a job in a more frum boys school where she was told that she needs to dress in looser fitting, more tzniusdik clothing. Her response – “Why won’t they let me dress like a woman?”

  • Yanki

    I was walking down one of the streets off 13th avenue on a very windy day recently and two hot chanis were walking infront of me, when suddenly the wind blew up on of their skirts and she was only wearing knee highs exposing her pink knickers, she turned around and realized that i saw but just started laughing with her friend but did seem to be too embarassed, (I think i saw the wings of her pad sticking out)

  • http://en.gravatar.com/darvocetand Real darvocet

    So where it to find, darvocet, [url= http://en.gravatar.com/darvocetand ]darvocet[/url], hwy,

  • my name is not chanie

    What is pathetic is Grandma Chanies, where the bloom is off the rose.I have seen Bubbies in short skirts and high heels. I am sure that they were heart breakers during their prime, but really? Did I fail to mention that they are in their 70’s. Have you ever met a H.C. with a fully developed personality? Ever meet one with a sense of humor? Have you met one who wants nothing more than the conversation to revolve around their shopping, sheitel macher, vacation,etc.? Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be Chanies.

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