With the recession and tuition crisis, yeshivas are running out of ways to make money. Chinese auctions are old and looked at as too fancy in some circles. Yeshiva dinners are overpriced, and events like garage and bake sales are a little too modern orthodox for most people- because tznius comes into question, how on earth does tznius come into question? Well can you imagine a garage sale with separate men’s and women’s sections?
Of course there are some progressive ways to raise money which yeshivas may have not thought of, some of them can be compared to the ways cities raise money and others maybe a bit unorthodox shall we say.
Ways yeshivas can raise additional funds
In every yeshiva there signs put up before out shabbosim or any other vacation period that tell the students to take their belongings out of the coatroom or beis medrish or any other public area. I feel that if yeshivas put the signs in more obscure places they could say the students were warned, and those who did not comply will have their stuff sold online or something. Imagine the value of all the left over seforim, hats and tefillin.
Another smart way that yeshivas raise money at the same time as disciplining their students is to set kenasim or fines for certain offences. In my school there was no uniform fine system it was kind of based on how many offenses you had. Imagine if every time someone came late to shachris they were fined, you could even set everyone’s clocks back and make them come in late. How about instituting fines for untucked shirts and caught wearing jeans (big offense in any yeshiva) never even knew what they had against jeans so much, besides for the fact a Jew invented them, maybe he wasn’t frum or something.
Room searches were always one of my favorite events, you got to see loads of dirty magazines, cd’s and illegal contraband taken away. Selling everything found in room searches instead of destroying in front of the student to make them feel bad would be a great fundraiser. I remember they used to break your cd’s in front of you, what a waste. Maybe they cant sell the porn magazines, but surely they can find some heter for selling the drugs, pretty much all the drugs in yeshiva nowadays are prescription meds anyway.
Sell those old shas sets that every yeshiva has on the bottom shelves gathering dust. I am sure you could find out if some famous Rabbi used them and even sell them as Rebbe memorabilia. On that note Rebbe memorabilia could be a great way to make money, find out which chair the rosh yeshiva sat in when he got smicha or maybe you can sell his old tzitzis or dried up esrog or something.
Other interesting ideas that may be a little out of the box as the shadchuns like to say:
Institute a hippie toilet policy, if its brown flush it down if its yellow let it mellow
Have the women sell their old sheitles online or something, instead of donating them
Kollel wife car wash – not sure people will want to see them in bikinis though
Kiss a kollel wife booth
Dunk the rosh yeshiva booth during a purim carnival
Having people like me perform at their schools
Special brownie bake sale
Cholent cook off
Chess tournament (because frummies love chess)
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
special brownies are special ’cause they’re parve, of course. ((shabbos brownies))
What’s wrong with Kollel wifes doing car wash’s? my wife would fit in perfectly into a bikini, she’s got the bod tailored for that.
Yes but most kollel wives are pregnant and I was never into the whole pregnant look
Hesh,
Don’t pregnant women until you’ve tried one. You be surprised how hormonal changes can affect a woman for the better.
Great post, a yeshiva I attended had outrageous knasses based on the mood the Rosh yeshiva woke up in. Some really bad days it was 2 for one specials for being late to Shacharis, worse offences such as movies or girls usually got big money out of extorting the parents bent on keeping their kids in the system.
Room searches kept him hard at work in my room, I was one of the few that smoked them same brand he did.
Good comment phil and yeh our kenas system kind of worked the same way- although in later years they began zero tolerance policies for certain offences.
You’re way behind, yeshivas like torah vodaas has been fining for late shachris attendees and untucked shirts plus every other thing in the book for years already.
Excellent post FrumSatire..
You should charge for advice like this…
Become a Consultant for the yeshivas..
Hesh,,Zero Tolerance is the best way of fundraising/blackmailing desperate parents of kids from important and/or rich families. Potential equivalent of hundreds of untucked shirts being late for Shacharis in one lump payout.
you weren’t into the pregnant look ’cause you weren’t looking at the woman carrying the child the two of you created together. Not that I know from experience, but I’d like to think that when a couple is pregnant, looking at one’s spouse takes on a different shade of beautiful. (and unless I learn otherwise from my own experience, I will enjoy living in a world where unicorns fart rainbows and other such things [kidding about the unicorns]).
Klem I think you should go back and read again- I said that they should up their fines and issuance of them kind of like state troopers giving out more tickets towards the end of the month.
They’re at it again-
The BIG ban of the LITTLE event.
http://hamercaz.com/hamercaz/site/news_item.php?id=2575
I love the kollel wife carwash… dude you got me rollin on the floor, quality
the Special Brownie bake sale would be a good way to use all that contraband they confiscated during the dorm raid
I got one:
Sell the best bochure in the yeshiva to the highest bidder. In return you’ll acquire the “privilege” of your rich -snobby -JAP -daughter marrying the “creme de la creme”(the best of the best,for those who don’t speak esponeo)l. Of course many a overcover expidition would have to go down behind the scenes, for the mission to be a sucess. perhaps the rosh hayisheva telling the boy the it’s against “daas torah” to marry anyone besides the choiciest”bas yisroel” that the rosh yeshiva chooses. I don’t think bachure of that standing would dare question “daas torah”. Hence , money in the bank.
Here’s a good one.You know all those sighn’s that read $500 AWARD FOR INFORMATION LEADING THE THE ARREST OF THOSE IN POSSESION OF ILLEGAL SUSTANCES. All the rosh yeshiva got to do is hide a crack, weed and meth he confiscated during the dorm raid in an unsuspecting bochur’s dorm room(strange coincidence it’s token russian guy who doesn’t pay tuition anyway)one call to the local sheriff and the rest is history
my yeshiva there was a 2 dollar knas for missing shacharis. boy was my rebbi pissed when i handed him a 10 and told him for the next 4 times!
Harry I have heard that one before
Hows about selling some of those old Sifrei Torah they got sitting in the Aron.I mean how manydo you need allready? do you need 25 torahs just to sit there and collect dust 364 out of 365 days a year?The guys who donated them are probably dead by now.And don’t counter argue “you need enough to go arround on simchas torah” the guy who usually receives those dusty scrolls is usually token russian-guy- with-plastic-yarmulka who won’t donate anything to the shul anyway.