Now that I am looking at this post, it seems a bit negative, but maybe we can look forward to some change. As the Obama campaign liked to point out “Yes we can” I have no idea what “we can” actually means. But maybe some people can relate to the items listed below and force some kind of change upon the frum community.
Things that happen on shabbos that bother me:
You sit down after washing only to realize that half the table is seated quietly and the other half is talking about how they picked out their cabinets and matching refrigerator, every time this happens I immediately think lower of the people I am eating at.
The host cuts challah that refuses to be cut and hacks away at it while everyone is wondering why he cannot just rip the damned thing, I am sure the BT’s are wondering if ripping food is ok on shabbos.
What is the deal with having the benchers open for 20 minutes before someone decides to say sheer hamolos? Mayim achronim has been passed around and we are all ready to go- until someone decides to start a whole new conversation which could be started after benching.
I have written about it before, but do I have to suffer through the fish and salad courses without anything to drink besides Moscato Diasti, might as well put soda on the table, it has the same alcohol content.
I guess I have been conditioned, but I really hate it when the chazzan doesn’t change the tune to lecha dodi in the middle by lo sevoshy. I feel like laziness ruins the whole song, just simply change the tune- and not to that really boring one that makes all the guests who are interested in Judaism wonder if the religion is right for them, based on the dying cow end of lecha dodi tune that all shuls love.
What’s the deal with having to wait for the Rabbi to make Kiddush?
Going to Kiddush and realizing that they have a women’s and men’s section with different food.
Going to a great Kiddush and having to leave early because your host is leaving
Having the chazzan try to do one of those half assed carlebachian kabalas shabbos versions they like to do for kiruv purposes and messing up all the tunes.
I love dancing in circles around the bimah when the people dancing are lively, but when its one of those forced shuffles which tend to happen in black hat shuls that have shabbatonim it is horrible, the dance is always drab and the singing is always drab and I would rather be reading the chumash then shuffling around with sweaty hand rubbing my back and another one in front of me wondering why my hand isn’t gripping his.
People who forget the salt during homotzy and then signal to their wife who is trying to figure out what on earth her husband who probably does this every week is talking about. There seriously has to be some sort of universal sign language for frummies (another posts in itself) Then of course by the time the salt is brought they realize that the knife is nowhere to be found.
People who pre-plate meals on shabbos really annoy me- what I need portion control, although it’s great if you are running out of food.
Brown food, I just hate it when people have nothing besides brown food on shabbos, oh and potato kugel is not counted as colorful.
Shul tissues that really aren’t tissues, you know those poor excuses for bathroom tissues that shuls have in those old rusty dispensers, what is the deal with that?
Breastfeeding in the Rabbis office- I thought that’s why the women’s bathrooms in shul always looked so nice and had chairs in them?
Kiddush bouncers- I always hated when I did a covert mission to check out if there would kishke and being blocked by some punk hired by the caterer to keep all people out. Nowadays with shul budget cuts it seems like old ladies who cal themselves the sisterhood in many places have taken over that job.
Shuls without English seforim- what else am supposed to do during a boring rabbis speech, at least have some stone chumashim or something.
Getting to shul late and realizing that they started late because they had no minyan, I mean the whole point of sleeping late on shabbos is so you don’t have to sit through that ridiculously long pesukei d’zimra that you skip anyway- come on do you actually say all those hodu’s?
Shuls that only have diet soda at the Kiddush, I have noticed that in south Dallas they only have diet soda and it just bothers me. Do people think that drinking diet soda is going to offset the cholent, kishke and kichel?
Dole lettuce salad. I thought we were supposed to be kavod shabbos, I highly doubt that serving dole lettuce even counts as salad, yet so many frummies do this.
People who insist on filling the washing cup to the very top even if it holds a gallon of water.
Being forced to say a devar torah for desert!
If you liked this post check out these similar posts:
Annoying things that happen in shul (video)
Are you mad that some events have mixed seating?
Are you pissed off that people say Im Yirtza Hashem by you all the time?
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Another classic. Thanks.
You know A23 that your comments mean a lot- straight and to the point. Glad I could entertain!
you are hysterical. Over thanksgiving weekend, I had my relatives gathered around the computer watching your videos. A good time was had by all. (and that includes some 90-year-olds who spend their days watching seinfeld reruns). I moved near boro park recently and go there frequently for food so your observations and commentary are much appreciated. And I’m picking up a lot of hebrew (yiddish?) in the process, so it’s edu-tainment.
your comment about the drinks during fish hit home like a ton of bricks. my in laws do this and every shabbos i am forced to get up and get th soda myself, onl to be subjected to the same lame comments every single time. “what you dont like grape juice?” Oh sorry I never remember the drinks” . i mean cmon is it that hard?
You will never have a problem with Lo Savoshie again when you go to a Lubavitcher Shul-you can just sing Yechi for ten minutes, and the dancing won´t stink either. Yup, it´s good being a Lubavitcher. BTW, where is that spineless anon who made the moronic comment earlier? I have been waiting for him to respond for hours, so that I could crush him like the little bug that he undoubtedly is.
One of your best so far.
Loved your point about the Hodu’s. I mean I hate it when I arrive fashionably late to my Shver on friday night for the meal (Sholom Aleichem etc is a bit long + a lot of people to make kiddush) only to found out they waited for me….
TRS I have no idea these bugs come and go- you can’t wait around. Wait till I post my chabad vs. misnaged video- that should get people going.
alright so i’m not sure if this has halachic basis, but i’ve definitely heard from multiple people that since the point of not talking between washing and motzi is to not have a separation or a distraction, if you need the salt or the knife, or even the challah, youre actually allowed to talk and say “can i have the salt?” if this is in fact halacha, then this is going to be a pet peeve…people should be educated on the fact that they don’t need to shake invisible salt until their shoulders dislocate! we should start an ad campaign….the more you KNOW
all very true!
never heard about the uncuttable challah though…
I think if your had a family of your own (and if you also were a woman), you would certainly understand some of the annoying facts, like for example:
1) pre-plated food. Yes sometimes I’m just not sure if I ve cooked enough for both 1st and 2nd seudas, so I just do portions to be on the safe side. And i think if you eat in somebody else’s house you should be just thankful for what you have. If you are willing to make your own portions, you are very welcome to cook and eat in your own home.
2) Breastfeeding is so much easier when done in a cozy chair! and not in the bathroom.. like you need to balance that 6 kilo squirming baby while trying to latch her on CORRECTLY to avoid bleeding nipples and leaky show – that’shard believe me!!
whatever, what on earth were YOU doing in the Rabbi’s office? lol
You’re allowed to ask for knife/salt according to everyone. According to some you’re even allowed to talk about things not related to kiddush. The no talking is because when you’re talking, you’re supposedly taking your mind away from your hands being washed and may accidentally touch something.
I’m lazy so I only use breakaway challah.
I thought this was going to be a post about melacha or muktze related things you can’t fix on Shabbos, like oven lights and carpet spills (the gross kind) and kids turning on the TV (loudly). In my house the little kids are a problem and we make sure to unplug every TV and radio and unscrew the bulbs in most of the bedrooms.
I agree with the coming late to shul. But it’s not just on shabbos. Sunday morining when I walk into the 8:30 minyan at 8:45 and they are just starting brachos…what’s up with that?
I’m a big fan, and I found many of these things funny, but some of them I have to say strike me as not quite right to complain about. As a guest, I’m appreciative of this person having me in their home and feeding me, or at least, I try to be.
Hesh, I think you’re reaching the stage in life when you’ve outgrown being a guest. No, I didn’t say that you’ve “grown up,” because I haven’t yet, and my youngest kids are your age.
But there’s a time in life when you have to set your own table, if you know what I mean. Doesn’t the Dallas singles culture have its own life?
New cleaning crew comes in to the shul right before Shabbos, turns off all the lights and power to the kitchen. No cholent, no kugel….just cold food and whatever we could find in the dark. Worst.Kiddish.Ever.
Great comment ’bout the brown foods, I joke with my wife about that all the time!
One thing that drives me crazy about going to token guy-that -invites-everyone(and I mean everyone) over for friday night meal : usually he has 13 kids and he offers you the seat that everything from last weeks cholent to his 1 year old daughter’s kid’s spit-up stains splooged all over the spot your about to rest your bum.. Your thinkin “I just spent got the suit dry cleaned I aint sitting on that shit”.Than your host thinks you some cracked BT who is makpid to stand for the duration of the friday night meal. your too ambaressesd to tell him that if he has 13 kids he might try opolstering his dining room chairs with plastic or at least give them a shampoo job ,like once a day. At the end of the meal he tells you your invited back “any time” and thinkin”yeah, Ill make sure that won’t happen
I’ll tell you what.
Breastfeeding in the rabbi’s office sounds pretty creepy.
ofd, believe me, it’s lots creepier to nurse a baby in some public toilet.
When the shul decides to move the start time half an hour earlier is bad. Its hard enough getting all the way across town when neither me or my wife are morning people, but then they decide to start earlier?
as far as melochos go:
Since our community is so spread out the only time some of us see each other is at shul, not being able to write down a phone number or email is a pain.
When the delivery guy wants me to sign for something I been waiting for is bad.
For me, not being able to play my bass or make any music is very difficult.
By now my non jewish friends know that I wont answer my phone during shabbat so thats no big deal.
If you ever cooked/helped cook/prepared/you get my point, a Shabbos meal in your life you would understand why people plate food. Its less mess, no “yo pass me that salad”, you don’t have to have 300 dishes to make the table look set…. you get my point.
One this the some people are sensitive to but I love is that old shul smell. Its the nostalgic sensation that brings the days of yore..the days when you thought everything in the world was prefect…everyone came to shul with their functional family and every one was happy..the candyman gave you athe veinna bon bon and you were the happiest kid in the world…no body cared hat the michitza was 4″5 because the their was no perverted men looking at slutty girls just moms dads and kids..you could almost hear the professional cantor(yes he was paid, yes he was professional, yes it was his full time job, and yes the shul was proud and happy to empoly him)singing the holy hyms of the shabbos in the licha dodi tune commnly coined “old school” nowdays.Over 90% percent of the the congragants were good old born and bred americans who a crtain pride in their communty that is hard to find nowdays. The gabbi gave everyone aliyos(even if they wern’t going to give a donation) simply because he was a good quality family man. Everyone sat in their assigned seats, no hanging out in the back. The rabbi didn,t care about political corectness, but didn’t really need to care about political correctness, because women didn’t want to put on tefillen, because they came from funtional families and knew their role in societies and actually cared about looking normal in front of their kids, they didn’t lack a Freudian subconscous lack of testosterone or anything stupid like that. In general everyone knew their place and didn’t want to be a scial outcast. So the rabbi gave a normal dvar torah about the parshah instead of mussar. Yes it was the beutifull modern orthodox shul of the 1980s
We used to have a problem with the gabbaim giving aliyos only to their friends.
Now there’s a card for every member and people are called in an order, one after the other.
As a BT, I hate the no-drinks-on-the-table thing. Why specifically as a BT? Because I didn’t grow up keeping kosher and the salt content in kosher meat makes me extremely thirsty.
Batya,
I agree. The idea of a woman breastfeeding in a restroom sounds like something a heroin addict would do. The baby was hungry and she needed her smack.
Aren’t parents supposed to make brachot on their kids’ food before they learn how to speak? Do women make a SheHaKol before they breastfeed? In that case, using the restroom would be assur since we can’t mention God there.
Yochanan,
no, there’s no Shehakol on breastfeeding.
And, I also don’t get this drinks on the table thing. Maybe it’s only in NYC… I have never been to a seuda when drinks are only served to meat course. That’s really weird..
Anyway Frum you are welcome in my house, we serve a variety of juices, coke, and water both still and sparkling right after hamotzi every shabbos.=)
I just found that hilarious.
How’s about token i-need-attention- yeshiva-dropout- but -I -have -no -self -esteem- or -self- confidence-to0do-anythingelse-with-my-life usuall sporting a microspic kippah suragah hanging out in the back of the. Yeah I fell bad you come from a messed up family with 37 kids but I don’t think your that smart either. Got to college, get your PHD and than argue on the black hat and payus behind the ears. Earn your stripes.
Captain Gefilte – I totally feel you on the post about 1980s modern orthodox shuls, though I wonder how much of your (our) perception of innocence was reality and how much was simply a reflection of the naivete of childhood.
Soda, soda, soda.
How about water?? Not everyone wants to drink artificial chemicals. So I would amend some of yoru items to ask why there is no water on the table. People choke on challah sometimes, especially if it’s super dry. Water should be on the table from before washing. And it never occurs to shuls to have water out at kiddush.
Going to Kiddush and realizing that they have a women’s and men’s section with different food.
If I found myself in such a frummy shul, the differing foods would hardly be the most uncomfortable thing for me.
But along that theme, why do some weddings have amazing food at the shmorg where the kallah is but the chatan’s tish is nothing but dry cake & kichel!
Water challahs should be banned. Buy a small one for yourself but don’t force feed this garbage to your guests.
is someone messing with chabad and/or TRS? criminy.
“Aren’t parents supposed to make brachot on their kids’ food before they learn how to speak?”
You teach kids brachot by having them repeat each word after you, and by setting a good example by saying them out loud. Monkey see, monkey do. (not calling anyone a monkey) It’s like please and thank you. If you want kids to say please and thank you, they need to see you and your spouse and other adults in their lives saying please and thank you.
Hesh, you don’t like it when people take forever to sing Shir HaMaalot?
I’m the opposite. It annoys me when I’m just digesting and all of a sudden I hear “Shir HaMaalot(s) beShuv…”. I’ll say Birkat HaMazon when I’m damn good and ready to say Birkat HaMazon.
Moscato diasti, soda / diet soda? What kind of Shabbos is that? Sounds more like a kindergarten shabbos party if you ask me. Funny how people think that soft drinks are better for you than beer or wine, Halacha and science both say otherwise. According to Shulchan Aruch, drinking water with a meal is worse than wine.
Any host or shul that doesn’t put out proper alcohol for guests on Shabbos is either an AA member or a cheap S.O.B. I know many people that don’t drink, but still make sure to have the finest single malt and imported beers for their guests.
By South Dallas, I imagine you mean South Eruv whic is acually North Dallas. Closest frum minyan to South Dallas is probably that Drizin rabbi I heard about that started a small Shabbos minyan near the downtown area. South of that is not frum at all.
Here are a couple more for your post.
1) The alarm clock set for 5:30 AM that you thought was switched off, darned thing goes for an hour on the day of rest.
2) Shabbos hosts that decide what to put on your plate. I’ve always been nauseated by gefilte fish, herring or salads with mayonnaise or raw onions. These staple Jewish foods are usually on every Ashkenaz Shabbos table. Some hosts assume that everybody eats them, the kids bring out pre-filled dishes with one or more of the above. I say let the guest decide instead of forcing them to feel bad about the food / fishing bait being wasted.
3) Alcohol cheapskates. These guys make it a point to bring out the fanciest stuff, pour a 1/4 ounce for the guest, then bring the bottle back to their liquor cabinet. If you’re putting it out, let the guest have their fill. How would they feel if you cut them a tiny piece of challa then put the rest away in a bag for another day?
4) Food cheapskates. OK, some of these people aren’t big eaters, but I’ve seen serving bowls of salad smaller than soup bowls for tables with more than a dozen people. WTF are they thinking?
Had #1 twice, grrr.
Ashkenaz food sucks.
The only thing worse than #3 are the people who drink kedem/manishewitz. And the taking away wouldn’t work on me, I’m Russian and I’m not gonna be nice about someone taking away my booze.
#4 is why I avoid going to wife’s American friends. Seriously, are all Brooklyn American frummies on a freaking diet. No drinks, no food, no conversation, meals done in an hour, time to go. Anyone from my shul, including me, beer, wine, vodka, scotch, normal fish, lotsa meat, real dessert, not cookies, tea and a span of at least 4 hours.
Wow awesome comments- I think I may have more of these up my sleave because they are super fun to write
Moshe,
Worse #3 I saw was at a family related gathering. Host was a typical number 4, sometimes even asked guests to bring their own food. One of the guests brings a $200 bottle of scotch. Another one of the guests was the type that can drink a bottle for breakfast. He pours himself a nice shot before washing, when he comes back to the table the bottle had “mysteriously” disappeared. The guy starts looking for the bottle, sees it through the glass door of the liquor cabinet. The wives of these individuals are all related, at this point WW3 erupts, wife of guy who brought bottle and wife of drinker accuse host of being cheap on other people’s booze, host and his wife say they did it “out of concern” for drinker. Man was I glad I brought my own 12 pack.
Hesh, You can come to my house and you won’t have to worry about the no drinks issue anymore.
You’ll have a good Cabernet, Smirnoff and glenfiddich are out from before Kiddush. Oh and the Jack Danial’s that I got from a guest once, you can finish it, all to your self, cuz I won’t.
Captain Gefilta Fish:
Your name’s good; your comments suck.
Go earn your stripes yourself.
Listen up “offthederech” I got the heart and soul of a blogger I will earn my rank in the blogging world. You sound like my TI in basic training “yo gefilta your boots look like shit”. What the fuck do you think I did. that night I buffed those puppies to a military shine. I will fine tune my comments but Im definatly not gonna pussy out.
“put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!!!!!!!”
Listen up offthedrech I got the heart and soul of a blogger and I will earn my rank in the blogging world.
You sound like my TI(trianing instructer for those non-military folk, but a good offthe derech boy like yourself should have served a little time in the army) when he said “yo gefilta your boots look like shit” what the fuck do you think I did, you think that hurt my feelings like a little pussy(aw I spent so much time on them and now all Im getting is my ass chewed)fuck no!!!!!! and buffed those puppies to a military shine and so shall I do with my comments I will earn my stripes here and now in your face!!!!you got a problem with that!!!
“put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Do you even have a blog?
you remind me of my TI when he said “yo gefilta your boot look like sh*t” what the f*** do you think I did, I buffed those puppies to a military shine.NO my feelings did not get hurt, NO I did not p*ssy out. I will earn my stripes here and now, in your face
“put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!!”
boy you’re messed up
No I actually comment on blogs, and in my opinion (except for some gramatical errors) and think my stuff in quality
ok, you’re not so bad
A little bit of love please, I haven’t seen this much brotherly hate since I ever started reading this blog. First the Chabad / Kollel thing, now this…
Ya’ll need to chill out.
Phil:
You’re a big tzaddik.
Unfortunately. I’m still far from it, unless you remove the “tzad: (hahaha).
Just tired of reading so much bickering between Jews, started to sound like a Springer episode.
Well, maybe I’m not Jewish
But at least the bickering here is half way clever which would be a very far stretch to say that about Springer.
OK, I assumed you were Jewish from your name and previous comments. Either way, bickering sucks, it is just incumbent on Jews to have Ahavas Yisrael for one another, I was mainly getting fed up with the senseless Chabad/Kollel thing.
Both organizations are supposed to have the same goal in mind, i.e. reaching out to Jews that don’t know or have strayed from the true ways of the Torah. The fact that Kollel started outreach after Chabad and been even more successful in many instances just proves that they are as committed, and probably better organized.
Stupid/childish arguments like the ones we’ve seen over the past couple days, whether for one cause or another, don’t make things any better. True the Chassid / Snag hate runs deep, and in previous days they lead to many bigger problems than what we see today, but why can’t we all just get along? Don’t we all have one father?
I was raised and still live in a large Chabad community, grew up learning to despise rav Shach and the “evil snags”, as well as other Chassidim such as Satmar (who were in a “war” with Chabad when I was growing up) thanks to some ignorant / narrow minded teachers. Until I learned to step out of my cocoon and think outside of the box, I refused to ackonwledge that any other way might have any virtue.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to one question:
Is my bris bigger or better than theirs?
Shevers:
Plus they don’t have to edit out the profanity here.
Phil:
Don’t know about the bris stuff, but you make some good points.
Bris jokes are a good way to inject a bit of humour into a serious topic. I wasn’t suggesting one of those pissing contests we did back in yeshiva days…
Here’s another annoying thing:
20 something-year-olds who come to your house, get a free meal, and then complain about it on their blogs.
Lots of comments, but here’s another take – why don’t you try a reform schul and then see if you are prepared to make the same remarks.
at least the tissues are better than those reusable ones I’ve seen @ the big chasidic places. you know, the ones that let you know that once you’ve hot two lines its time to replace ‘em
Yochanan, yes, I also wonder for how long one can be a “gypsy.” In my first comment to this post, I mentioned that I think Hesh is ready to have his own “table.” There’s a limit to the length of time one can be a roving guest. Isn’t there a “singles” social/Shabbat society there? You don’t need a spouse to entertain, and even though my kids would disown me for saying it about them, maybe the time has come for some serious searching for one.
When being a guest is becoming a drag, the time has come to “change hats.”
Batya,
By the way, I am also I 20-something-year-old, who gets free meals at peoples houses. I also made complainy comments on this post. Then, I started to think about my hosts’ perspectives.
Maybe a better post would be titled “How I would be as a Shabbos host.”
Yochanan, why isn’t there more entertaining by the singles? My sons live in Nachlaot, Jm, and they have a great Shabbat-Holiday life.
A better post would be a way of thanking all the people, showing appreciation.
I live “out-of-town”.
Batya, you are 100% correct, but the word ’satire’ does not imply thanking and showing appreciation. It actually implies rants about current events, so that’s what we are dealing with..
okay, the husband is allowed to bark at his wife, “SALT!”, though I think that is plain rude, just get up yourself and get it instead of the whole motioning thing.
I agree about brown food, I am very into colorful shabbos food. Cranberries always add a lot. including juice that runs into everything else. Like the white tablecloth.
Liver, ptcha and egg salad between the fish and the cholent. All three of the above are revolting. Moreover, there are more creative ways to prepare onions and garlic.
I totally get the brown food. That’s why my Shabbos table always includes at least two nice, colorful salads.