So I’m having this discussion about shomer negia with fellow blogger Material Maidel over facebook chat and of course it gets to that question.
Are you shomer?
Am I shomer hmm…how to answer that one. I am a little weird, I find myself to be shomer until relationship but even then I tend to only touch the girl I am with- I brought up all these theories. My most commented post on ever was me describing all of the different shomer negiah categories people fall into.
For instance I don’t shake hands, sit next to women or hug old friends if I can do so without being too offensive. I don’t really go mixed dancing, although I love to shake my booty and therefore am for the most part keeping negia. But bring on some cute girl who likes me and all of the sudden its all out the window- or is it?
We then started talking about tefillin dates, and I admit I have been on many tefillin dates, but it doesn’t mean I actually slept with the girl. I happen to think tefillin dates are great, it shows that even though the person is doing wrong in one area, they are doing well in the other. It is a common thought in chasidus that the yetzer harah tries to convince you that it’s all lost- so those people wouldn’t even bring their tefillin because the figure its all gone anyway.
Let me also say that I think the idea of the tefillin date is a little weird, I mean who goes on a date and brings their tefillin. I don’t even bring my phone on dates, I think it really means to say that when you wake up in the morning and say oh shit I forgot my tefillin, that’s a proof that you are doing well in other areas- just maybe not the sexual activity part.
Ok, I’m rambling, but many people will probably argue that one who is sexually active prior to marriage cannot be frum and I completely disagree. I pretty much assume that anyone over 25 and single has been sexually active or will be if they have the chance- many people aren’t of course, but many are- but they still consider themselves frum- that of course leads to the following question- what is frum? As a kid growing up we always “considered” ourselves to be frum even though we ate milchigs out and watched TV on shabbos. Many people consider themselves something that they may not necessarily be. But that’s a whole different topic.
My opinion about frum folks who are sexually active is the following. There are plenty of frum folks who do things wrong- they know its wrong and they probably hope at some level for the day they can stop. It is also true that sexual activity prior to marriage is a huge gray area, no one really knows anything besides for that the shulchan aruch says “do not come close to a woman” that’s about it right. Oh and the wasting seed thing – but I am advocating for a kol koreh against that halacha because its impossible. That’s also an issue I wonder about- if the whole ban against premarital sex is mostly to do with needa- wouldn’t sleeping with a non-Jew who doesn’t have that status be ok?
Of course the spilling seed is also a big issue- but God created several halachos that he knew would never be stopped- in my opinion wasting seed and not talking loshon harah are those two things.
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This Jew wants to know how these laws apply to gay men. Do I not touch, sit next to, or hug other men because that is where my sexual energy is directed?
Do I inform my frum friends that they should not touch me, because of this? Or does this set us both up for embarassment?
Do I need not be concerned about a women’s menses, because I am not sexually attracted to women?
Brian Judd, I think this might set you both up for embarrassment and make things unnecessarily awkward.
I have a close friend, who happens to be gay, who had me sitting next to him as he came out one of the rebbeim at a yeshiva we were both at. The rabbi was extremely compassionate with some interesting advice. He told my friend it’s not necessary that everyone at yeshiva know but he did tell my friend not to join the group of guys when we all went together to the mikveh on Fridays. Instead, he told him to try to go on his own, really early when no one’s there. Which makes sense, because as straight guys, the thought of undressing in a room full of undressed girls our age would be quite a turn on. So too he imagined for a gay gay undressing in a room full of undressed guys.
My advice would be not to go to the mikveh during busy time, in the same way a frum straight has no business being in a room with undressed girls, but beyond that I wouldn’t think you should stop giving your guy friends giant bear hugs either!
Either way, this would be a good question to ask your rav, assuming you have a kindhearted one who knows you’re gay and can be sensitive to these issues.
Tefillin dates remind me of the famous story of Reb Levi Yitzchok of Berditchev who once saw a Jew greasing his wagon while wearing tallis and tefillin. Instead of being outraged at the blatant disrespect, he looked up and said, “Ribbono Shel Oilam, how great are Your people, even when involved in such a mundane task, they think of you.”
Who knows? Maybe our response to a tefillin date could be similar: “How great are your people, even when involved in such terrible aveiros and immorality, not being shomer habris, they still think of You and Your other mitzvos!”
Hesh,
Shomer negiah is (unfortunately) part of being single. Not observing it doesn’t render you not frum, it simply means you “messed up”. If you decide to keep “messing up” with you significant other, doesn’t make you non frum either, it just means that your yetzer is too strong for you to conquer, and you’ll have something ro work on and to repent for on Yom Kippur.
Premarital sex is not only because of niddah, it is actually halacha, I believe the penalty was makas mardus, I may be wrong.
As far as non Jews, from what I’ve read, they are a worse aveirah as they automatically fall in to the zonah category according to halacha. Even a Jewish girl that does it with a non Jewish guy becomes a zonah, whether it is consentual or by force. There have been unfortunate cases were a Kohain’s wife was raped, the husbands were forced to divorce them.
As far as the gays go, that’s a pretty messed up dillemma. I imagine shomer negiah should still apply when they are around women as far as halacha goes, but they should definitely stay away from men and especially the mikva if they are going to get turned on. Last thing a bunch of yeshivish guys in a mikva need is to worry about some guy popping a willy, sure way to get his ass kicked.
i think u can be frum even without being shomer negiah…
ppl are considered frum even if they dont dress according to the halachos of tznius, or if they put makeup on on shabbos, or like u said- ppl who “spill seed” and speak loshon hora…. so why should this specifically make a person “not frum”
I think I’m a little old for this discussion, though I’m only 39. Honestly, the whole issue of “are you shomer” will fade away for you by a decade from now and you’ll look back and think the whole topic was a little odd and obsessive. Touch women as appropriate, following your own internal sense of propriety.
I did forget to mention that I am even one of those people that make sure not to touch women’s hands if they pass something to me. I also make sure not to touch women (if I can help it) in crowded spaces. Its kind of weird that I am so strict but I know myself too well that during an “encounter” I may not be able to be so strict.
Brian I think negiah still applies to you because the whole point of it is not necessarily sexual. Think about it- I am in no way attracted to a 90 year old women yet the torah still forbid me to touch her. I am also forbidden from touching anyone I am not attracted to in general.
So even if you are attracted to men- which means shomer negiah is way easier- you still cannot touch women. But think about this way- sex may be assur- but making out with another guy would be permissible even according to the torah.
Doesn’t Esuv kiss Yaakov full on the mouth to see if he has any jewels or something. If incestual making out is fine I imagine just two guys or gays going at it is fine as well.
Hesh
You’re starting to scare me! No way two guys making out is permissible, anything that is sexually provocative between to people that aren’t halachically married is illegal. Just because one isn’t stoned to death for something doesn’t make it right.
For example, halachically speaking, sex with anyone under the age of 3 isn’t considered sex at all, the perpetrator isn’t liable to anything. Does that give you the right to screw your buddie’s 2 year old kid sister?
Esuv didn’t kiss Yaacov on the mouth to check for jewels, it was Lavan who was a deviant and a thief, so I wouldn’t rely on him as an example, besides he wasn’t doing it for gratification, he was looking for $$$.
Esuv was Yaacov’s brother, definitely didn’t kiss him for sexual purposes although some say he tried to bite his throat and broke his teeth.
If you didnt sleep with the girl, then in what way was it a teffilin date? Just an all-nighter?
A shikse always has the halachos of a niddah, i.e. you can’t even touch her. It also brings down in the holy books that if you sleep with a shikse then she’ll be chained to you like a dog, even after you die, through heaven and hell.
This all reminds me of a story of R’ Levik of Berditchev, that a bochur came to him and said that he needed a tikkun because he slept with his girlfriend. But, the bochur said, I made sure that she went to mikve first, and we waited seven days. R’ levik said, sorry, no tikkun for you. But why, the bochur wanted to know, I didn’t sin too badly! The great rabbi answered, listen, I understand if someone has a great passion and they sin; but to plan it for a whole week, and try and make it as “pure” as possible? That I can’t help.
shomer negiah, as it is today did not exist in the times of chazal. Honestly, it’s a middle ages thing.Chazal wasn’t walking around touching women of course (and premarital sex is way beyond a shomer negiah problem as there are people who touch and can still choose to stay virgins) but our obsession with it is definatly more chumra than mitzvah. The definition of being frum should stay with the requirements for being a kosher witness. You believe in Torah Judaism, keep shabbos, kosher, you’re good with me for the frum label.
When I was a beginner BT I always wondered if it is allowed for a bisexual married woman to make out with her girlfriend while she is a niddah and can’t be with her husband…
As a newbie to blogs I find this particular post very engaging. Growing up “yeshivish” I naively assumed everyone kept shomer negiah…until I hit dating age. Now I’ve discovered almost everyone I know has “broken” shomer. Even I have gone to, what I call, being “selectively shomer” – I really don’t have a problem shaking a man’s hand, or tapping a male friend on the shoulder.
However, I have to agree with TRS and the story posted – planning a sin is far greater a sin than the act itself. I have friends who go on birth control when they start dating – that doesn’t seem to right to me. Maybe I’m still naive!
And to Adam’s response – I really appreciated your story – lately I am encountering alot of active hatred to gays in the Orthodox community. I find it very hard to reconcile my beliefs and ideas about gays, whom I think we should not judge, with the blatant disregard for decency Jews tend to embody when dealing the gays.
TRS,
I was thinking of that exact story while reading this post.
I have asked about our attitude towards gays. True, they cannot control their natures. However, why must they advertise it? Do I tell everyone when I sleep with my husband? Do I advertise when I go to Mikveh?
Some things are meant to be kept private.
Can you be frum and violate mitzva X? Yes, if you realize you’re violating Torah, feel regret and are working on yourself to resolve this issue. Violating this mitzva publicly, bragging about it and saying that there is pretty much nothing wrong with is Hillul Hashem and is incompatible with being frum.
Can you be a moral person and follow an uncontrollable urge to steal postcards in a store? Yes. But when you publicly brag about it and say, “Oh well, everyone does a little wrong here and there”, it becomes a little strange.
Regarding gay men: probably shouldn’t sit next to other gay men. Assuming men they are sitting next to are not gay, it’s probably OK. Also, it’s understandable from halachic point of view to be gay and be struggling (or not) with it — it’s not understandable to be gay openly. It’s like breaking Shabbos openly. A Hillul Hashem, in other words.
(For some reason those people that talk about themselves not being shomer negiyah don’t talk so much about how they are masturbating.)
lol so true crawling ae
axe*
CA, I don’t think there is a problem with being gay openly — being attracted to the same gender isn’t assur. Having sex with them in public — now that is more comparable to breaking Shabbos in public. (Although, I don’t want to see anybody else have sex in public either.) I think gay men should not have to worry about shaking hands/hugging women at all, because there is no chiba and no taavah whatsoever.
Generally I am very careful about shmirat negiah around the guy I’m with, and not as makpid on it around everyone else. If you think about it, being makpid about negiah with everyone other than the person you actually have feelings for is ridiculous. Shmirat negiah is supposed to prevent you from getting close to having relations with a niddah, and if you accidentally brushed the hand of some random store clerk, it’s probably not going to lead to any feelings. But if you brushed your girlfriend’s hand, that’s different. You’re basically being shomer where it is effortless for you and not being shomer where it would be hard.
Can You do a post on the CBS story? Somewhat related to this post but the post-marriage saga.
Crawling Axe, right you are, and masturbation is called in Shulchan Aruch more severe than all the other aveiros in the Torah. Thankfully, on the internet the situation is different and the issue is being addressed. I urge all my brothers who are trying to stay clean to visit a site devoted to the subject:
http://www.briskodesh.org
here’s another great one:
http://www.guardureyes.com
In my (not so) humble opinion, I think a guy should work harder on giving up masturbation than not shaking hands with or hugging girls.
with siyaya dishmaya and great effort on our parts, we can give up this practice, stay clean and make Hashem proud!
That’s not what I was talking about (although giving up any aveira is definitely a good thing to do).
I meant that people don’t discuss how they regularly masturbate. Nor do they discuss how they break Shabbos (if they consider themselves frum), eat treif, or cheat on their taxes. Because they are embarrassed.
So, when someone openly discusses about how he is not shomer negiah, what does that mean? That he is not embarrassed. Why not? Either because he doesn’t consider it prohibited by Torah or because he believes some parts of Torah are OK to violate. Either opinion can only result from either ignorance or apikorses.
God created several halachos that he knew would never be stopped
He may have know that these halachos would be frequently broken, but it doesn’t mean that it is not within our power not to break them and that G-d doesn’t expect us to keep all of his mitzvos.
It’s a standard assumption of Torah that all mitzvos are within our power to keep, “For this thing is very near to you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it”. In fact, there is a book that explains practically how to get to that level — it’s called Tanya. Look it up.
“but God created several halachos that he knew would never be stopped”
This might have been addressed already. If so, I apologize.
Anyway, that’s definitely not true. Rabbonim are prohibited from pasking something they they know that yidden will not follow. The Aibishter asks of us only that which He gave us kochos to fulfill.
crawling axe (#13) makes a good point. as far as the hypocritical nature of being shomer until in a relationship while also being very careful not to touch a woman when passing her the salt (or whatever), all I can say is religion and faith aren’t necessarily logical, which makes all adherents thereof (including myself) a little whatever, and that’s okay, as long as you’re not telling anyone else how they should live. congratulations, you’re human. and I think you’re copping out re: loshon hara (I’m not a guy, so I can’t say whether or not a guy could refrain from masturbating if he wanted to). (but, whatever, if you wanted to do better, you would. we all have stuff we could work on. I know I do.)
Are you saying that it’s as difficult for girls to refrain from loshon ha’ra as for guys to refrain from masturbating?
Oh, Hesh, you know I have about 612 things to say about this post but little old convert me is getting ready to participate in my family’s gigantic catastrophe of a Thanksgiving, so this is just going to have to stew a little
I know this is completely irrelevant for the topic at hand but it’s urgent and I know many of you don’t follow the jewish news sites.
Regardless of where you are holding mitzad frumkeit, you have the opportunity right here and now to make a difference for some yidden far far away.
The mumbai terror attacks have targed the chabad house as well. The shliach and his family as well as israelis that were there at the time are in serious danger; nobody outside is able to get in touch with them there. Please please say a kapitel tehillim for Gavriel Noach ben Freida Bluma, his wife Rivka bas Yehudis and their son Moshe Tzvi ben Rivka and anyone affected by the tragedy.
Your kapitel could make the difference in yeshuos, or ch’v, not.
If you didn’t sleep with her, its not a real Tefillin date Hesh!
I’ve slept with boys…..but only sleep happened. So no shomer rules broken, right?
Whoa, that is a loaded question.
I’ve had a pretty unique Torah journey, so I feel like my perspective might be a little different.
Despite my relationship with Torah, I have always valued my dignity – which I feel has served me rather well. I think that’s probably the problem with secular society – If you dont have your dignity what do you have?
In contrast, I found negiyah to be a considerably larger challenge when I commited myself to a more Torah-centered lifestyle. Perhaps making the entire ‘territory’ asur made the difference, or maybe it was being faced with an entire community of sexually frustrated young adults.
Back to the question though – a frum jew is one who strives to kee mitzvos to the best of his ability. It s not our place declare something ‘not an option for ME’, but if it really was not in your halachik capacity Hashem will certainly not hold you that high standard.
so i am with hesh on this… one sin doesnt mean all is lost and hence a tefilin date. But I also believe that if a woman is sexually active she needs to go to the mikvah and follow the halachot of niddah. Unfortunately niddah is pretty much only taught (in detail) to engaged woman.
Phil:
Are you really that homophobic?
Thanks, everyone, for commenting on my question. I, personally, am not struggling with questions, as I am not shomer negia. But, I was interested in what the group had to say.
One note – I actually do not believe going to the mikveh with other men should be forbidden. The likelihood of being turned on, even for a gay guy is low, for many reasons: First, we gay men have had to train ourselves not to be interested, since most of us had to blend in during those awkward gym showers in high school. Second, gay men will not find every naked man they see atractive, thus the likelihood of actually getting turned on is low. Third, gay men are capable of a engaging in a sense of platonic brotherhood and camraderie that hetero men can engage in. In fact, being at peace with one’s own sexual identity allows for this to occur more, as you understand your sexual desires to be more than physical, but emotional and spiritual as well.
“So, when someone openly discusses about how he is not shomer negiah, what does that mean? That he is not embarrassed. Why not? Either because he doesn’t consider it prohibited by Torah or because he believes some parts of Torah are OK to violate. Either opinion can only result from either ignorance or apikorses.”
In no way am I embarrassed- but thats my nature- I am not the embarrassing type- anyone who is willing to get on stage doesn’t get embarrassed easily- also I am not bragging at all- this is just part of the inner struggle to be better and create discussion.
I have my Rebetzin but I like to hear public dialogue for instance the comment from SF2K1 made a lot sense to me.
“shomer negiah, as it is today did not exist in the times of chazal. Honestly, it’s a middle ages thing.Chazal wasn’t walking around touching women of course (and premarital sex is way beyond a shomer negiah problem as there are people who touch and can still choose to stay virgins) but our obsession with it is definatly more chumra than mitzvah. The definition of being frum should stay with the requirements for being a kosher witness. You believe in Torah Judaism, keep shabbos, kosher, you’re good with me for the frum label.”
I agree with that to a certain point kind of in the realm that certain aspects of halacha need to change as society does. Bound to get me shot down by some but hence my agreement with many Jews in the more progressive circles.
My question is why do people care if they are called frum or not based on what they do? it’s the action that counts. The fact that someone keeps shomer negiah alone. If someone considers themselves not frum, that doesn’t give them the excuse to be able to do anything they want. The action is still based on whether it is right or wrong.
Well, I wasn’t talking about you, Hesh, and wasn’t talking precisely about being embarrassed. I was talking about general attitude that it is OK to do something (especially publicly) which is forbidden according to Torah and not feel inhibited about it.
The fact that there was no shomer negia in Chazal’s times is non sequitur. So what? At a certain point, Jews didn’t have to daven Amida or say psukei d’zimra. At a certain point it was OK to blow shofar on Shabbos (in fact, a mitzva). Times change. Are we so strong today that we no longer need negia? Quite the contrary.
I agree with that to a certain point kind of in the realm that certain aspects of halacha need to change as society does. Bound to get me shot down by some but hence my agreement with many Jews in the more progressive circles.
I agree with that too. But it needs to be done in a proper way. My opinion may make me bound to get shot down by some, but I don’t believe that the Conservative and MO Jews’ philosophy of how to adapt halacha to changing times is a proper way to go. Nor do I agree with Charedi philosophy of banning everything.
The only way to adapt Halacha is to remember why we keep Halacha — not for ourselves, our own pleasure, feeling of self-worth or spiritual enlightenment, or for having a nice Jewish community, but for connecting this world with G-d through our mitzvos (i.e., dira b’tachtoinim). As society changes, requirement for successful connection with G-d change too (that’s why today, we have to say psukei d’zimra before Shma and learn Chassidus or Mussar) — whether in a way of making things more stringent or more lenient.
Regarding “Tefillin Dates”: Based on the web site the people promoting the, don’t seem to give a damn about the Tefillin. It’s more of a euphemism…
Offthederech-
I don’t consider myslef to be homo anything! Ok, serously speaking, I am very weary of gay people any time I meet them, which isn’t too often. I don’t think I have anything to be ashamed of either. I can find plenty of labels and names for gays and liberals, just as they find me biggoted, homophobic or any other politicaly incorrect term that I may fit into.
Can’t say if it’s me being frum or if it the way I was brought up, probably a combination of both. I don’t have any gay friends or aquaintances (at least that I know of), nor do I plan on seeking any out. My previous post was just based on the reality of the matter. Back in my yeshiva days, the “faggy” guys always got their butts kicked even though they weren’t actually gay. I can’t imagine what would have happened to guys that were openly gay, I highly doubt they would have survived very long in the yeshiva system. Although I imagine that someone somwhere along the line could have been gay, they did a very god job of staying in the closet, as I don’t remember even on such case.
As for Brian, I do feel bad for the screwed up situation you’re in. I don’t know enough about gay people being or not being turned on by the site of naked men or boys, but I definitely would feel uncomfortable knowing I’m in a mikvah with a gay guy, just as would most other yeshiva guys.
Its just 1 out of 613
Although I am not pro-homosexual, the fact that the “faggy guys were getting their butts kicked in yeshiva” says there is something wrong at that yeshiva. Do you know what the gemara says about someone who even raises his hand against his fellow Jew?
Whats interesting to me reading this is how it looks like some folks here treat the issue of yetzer harah the same way lots of Christians are about “the devil”. For the same reason I can understand what Brian Judd said about not getting turned on by every naked man he sees, I *cant* understand being so panicked about loosing control of myself over contact with a woman. The fact that I’ve never heard this thing discussed in the context of Conservative Judaism where I’m studying may also have something to do with this all being a bit alien to me.
Of course I respect folks who hold with and keep to this, I aint tryin’ to get negative on anyone else’s mitzvot. For those of y’all who really want to avoid touching a member of the opposite sex even by accident, I’d suggest you never visit Japan. Its unavoidable with our crowded trains.
“I am very weary of gay people any time I meet them, which isn’t too often. ”
Phil, I am sorry for you. If you did have gay friends or acquaintances you would surely come to realize you have nothing to be weary about.
Poini –
I’m not saying that the guys in yeshiva that picked on “faggy guys” were right, I’m just telling it as I remember it. Fact is there are many things going halachically wrong in yeshivas, stealing, lashon hara, masturbation, any many others. All are extremely harmful sins.
Adam,
Like I said, I wouldn’t know as I don’t have any gays friends or acquaintances. Nor am I looking for gay guys to befriend just to find out. I’m sure some of them are very nice people as anyone else would be.
Am I the freak here for not knowing any gays? Should I be considered the “deviant” for not embracing homosexuality with open arms saying it’s totally normal and acceptable?
I think it’s high time people get over this fake “political correctness” and tell things the way they really are. I don’t need to apologize to anyone for the way I feel about things, or tiptoe around gays for fear of hurting anyones feelings. If a guy wakes up in the morning and decides he wants to “smoke his buddies cigar”, I don’t need to accept it as normal or condone it.
Phil:
Wow. You’re pretty messed up.
It must be hard being a homophobe nowadays, eh?
Offthederech,
Not at all, I get along just fine, most of my friends still think along the same lines. It’s just weird to see so many people on the other side of the field lately. Maybe I’m getting old at 35?
Off the Derech: not to sound mean or anything, but umm who’s making fun of who now?
I actually agree with what he said here:
“I think it’s high time people get over this fake “political correctness” and tell things the way they really are. I don’t need to apologize to anyone for the way I feel about things”
Don’t we have freedom of speech? Plus if I have certain feelings why should I have to hold it in because it’s not politically correct, why wouldn’t I be able to vent it out? Of course this doesn’t mean to start making riots and clubs against certain things. But each person is entitled to their opinion, no matter what it is.
ok, whatever, i’ll f off
Can you be frum if you don’t daven with a minyan three times a day?
After reading this thread I feel like many of the commenters are struggling with something about this issue and I think it’s right in the title: “can you be frum if you’re not shomer negiah?”
I have heard it said in the name of a certain gadol of the last generation: “Frum is a galech (a priest).” Meaning that in judaism, there is no place for concept or the word “frum”.
What is frum? Who codified the objective standards that would make someone fit in to this mysterious category? I am not a great torah scholar but I’m pretty sure the word “frum” does not appear anywhere in the written or oral torah. This is because we are all on different levels and we all struggle with different things. Some people struggle with loshon hara, some with chesed, some with learning torah or davening, etc.
The only term the torah has that resembles what i think people mean when they say “frum” is “apikores”. Chazal say that if you deny a single letter in the torah you are an apikores.
So lets try this question again. If you are not shomer negiah are you an apikores? I really don’t think so. Considering the significant challenges that people face with regard to sexual issues in today’s world with the internet and everything else, I would think apikores would be a little excessive.
Touching a member of the opposite sex that is not your spouse in an intimate way is an aveira. So to all you sinners out there I have this to say to you: YOU’RE IN VERY GOOD COMPANY! Unfortunately, sinning is a part of life as is growth and repentance. We are all sinners and hopefully we are all repenters and growers as well. Hopefully God will give us all the strength we need to overcome the challenges that face us and draw closer to him and a life of torah and kedusha.
“Frum” is a stupid word just like “yeshivish” and “modern orthodox”. It is a label and labels are used so that people don’t have to do their own thinking.
I think we have the ability to look a little deeper into ourselves and the issues of our generation than that.
I just found this http://shabot6000.com/archive.php?id=11 cant believe no one linked it so far
i disagree. le shon ha rah in specific is something to be worked on. It’s not one of those things that is overcome in a day, especially in our culture in this day and age, however, it is a halocha for a reason and to dismiss it just because you can’t, or don’t try to do it, is my friend picking and choosing. Atleast admit you can’t or don’t want to do it , saying god gave it not to be kept is sacreligious. Anyway the ha lacha against le shon ha rah allows us to continuously work on ourselves and out midot , which as a jew is our main duty and the point of life.
Can you be a frum pothead?
Of course- what does smoking pot have to do with breaking halacha? No one can say that smoking weed is against halacha
Funny enough that you brought this up. We do know from various sources that Jews have been sowing and harvesting cannabis/hemp for thousands of years, they used it to make clothes. I haven’t been able to find any suggestion or evidence that they knew about the effects of it’s consumption, which would leave to believe that they didn’t know about it’s effects or consume it.
However, I find it hard to believe that they never tried ingesting it in some form, possibly for “medicinal” purposes. They seemed to ingest all sorts of other wild plants and herbs as is evident from the Rambam’s book of Zeraim, why wouldn’t they have tried weed?
Halachically speaking, I don’t think there is anything wrong, it’s no worse than scotch or vodka. You might have a problem with maris ayin and dina demalchuta especially in the USA, as your country has the strictest drug laws in the Western hemisphere.
I recommend guardureyes.com
you can be frum and not be shomer, but who are you kidding if you think it’s ok? it is wrong. The fact that you are so makpid usually, and only let your yetzer hara take control once you get close to someone says something; you want to do whats right, but sometimes it’s just too hard to stop. or maybe you never tried hard to stop. Regardless, it is an aveira for a man to touch a woman (excluding mother/sister- which you don’t have, and a wife, when she isn’t a niddah- which you don’t have either)
If a president is gay, does that mean his partner would be referred to as “the first man”?
If a president is gay, does that mean his partner would be referred to as “the first man”?
Sorry about that, I made a mistake by pressing submit twice because the first time it said “duplicate” so i renamed it and sent it again.
Where in halacha does it say the premarital sexual activity between two Jews who are monogamous with each other is an aveira?
I corresponded with a Chabad rabbi who kept talking in circles and never actually answered the question.
Thanks,
Linda
I just want to pint out that aside from the negiah thing and non-jews, women who have not slept with anyone yet need to know that sleeping with a non jewish guy (actual vaginal sex) will prevent her from ever being allowed to marry a cohen. This is a much more serious issue than whether shomer negiah is allowed, at least I personally feel this way. Finding jews to date in this world is hard enough, and limiting oneself to only non-cohanim may be devastating. I dabbled a bit earlier this year with dating a hot non-jewish guy, and I almost had sex with him, but at the last minute I forced myself to change my mind (we still made out seriously). It was extremely hard, but later on, I was incredibly grateful.