Shidduch Crisis Solutions: The Meet Market

I got stuck reading Marie Claire this shabbos and read about a Meet Market in China. Parents in Shanghai are fed up that their children are spending more time at work and less time trying to get married. Since 1996 parents have been meeting on Saturday mornings in this big public square with pictures and profiles of their children in hand to try and find suitable mates.

Sounds like a real Shidduch Crisis to me and these people are actually doing something different about it – instead of just giving more funding to the same old solutions, they have gone outside the box and been proactive.

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  • http://jabberwocky-jessica.tumblr.com Jessica

    “Since 1996 parents have been meeting on Saturday mornings in this big public square with pictures and profiles of their children in hand to try and find suitable mates.”

    I fail to see how that’s any different/better than what frum parents are doing…

  • m00kie

    youre full of it :)

    if this had been about fed up parents in brooklyn exchanging pictures and profiles about their children, you’d be bashing them and have 1513164 comments agreeing with you..

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Well they do have shidduch groups and meetings all over the place – I think that stuff is great.

  • http://jacobdajew.blogspot.com Don’t Jew me

    The title wouild have been better if u wrote ” Meat Market”.

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    Just more proof that we need to re-instate the Tu Bav customs of yesteryear.

    Also need to re-legalize multiple wives, everything will fall into place when jealous women compete with each other for their man, and when single men realize that married men will still be a threat to the pool of women they currently have to choose from.
    That’s how Jews married for thousands of years, way back before they had pictures, shadchans, Jdate or shidduch crisis. The guys in Utah seem to have no problems applying these principals to modern day life, they don’t seem to have a shidduch crisis either.

  • Left Brooklyn

    I have heard from my parents and their contemporaries that before people were frum (just orthodox or shommer shabbat) Jewish organizations (including the Agudah) ran events for “boys and girls to meet.” Maybe if we went back to the old days (and ways) we wouldn’t have a shidduch crisis!

  • http://None Sara

    Personally, I’m sick of the “shidduch crisis”. Either:

    1. People who kvetch need to get out and do something about it. So good for you that you wrote this blog. Or
    2. Guys need to marry within their age range. Case and point: One Shabbos I met a 37-year guy told me that he was looking for a girl “25 and up”. I almost choked on my cholent. Aside from the fact that he was average looking (maybe even unattractive) and unemployed (enough said), he really thought he was going to get someone 12 years younger than him. This could be why he’s been single for the last 17 years…

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    For China, this Shidduch crisis might just be the best solution to their over-population crisis.

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    Sara

    I don’t think you need to condemn the guy to marry someone over thirty five. My dad is 19 years older than my mom and got married at 42. If he had followed your logic, my siblings and I wouldn’t exist today.

    I think girls and their families need to be less picky, eventually they will be forced to be less picky as the gap widens. This is the probable cause to the so called problem, as more boys go off the derech than girls, this likely contributes to more frum girls being “stuck” not being able to find someone “good enough”. Eventually all the left over older, fatter, poorer, etc girls are the ones stuck looking, and have to settle for even older, fatter, unemployed bachelors, as the younger guys can afford to get picky.

  • http://sporadicintelligence.wordpress.com sporadic intelligence

    Actually Phil, certain sects of the Mormon Community that engages in polygamy are have a shidduch crisis, a reverse one. There aren’t enough girls.

    A man can not simply marry more that one woman, he has to be worthy, and the amount to be “yotzeih” with is 3. The criteria of worthiness has been going down, so more and more men have multiple wives, and there aren’t enough women to supply the demand. Therefore, if a male steps out of line with Mormon ideology even in the slightest, the community is more likely to ex-communicate him, because they want to preserve their women and not “waste” them on him.

    In any case, I feel for those Chinese children. I’m mortified enough by my parents subtle PR, and they’re out there shouting from rooftops…

  • Left Brooklyn and never looked back

    Why can’t people just date (fool around if that is their thing) play the field and find someone compatible?

    Isn’t that what summer camp, college, shabbtons and bars all about?

    People should rely on their instincts as to whether this is their b’shert?

    Everyone is so busy trying to find the right one through intermediaries (do you know her/him, what is her/his family like, where did she/he go to school … I can go on ad nauseum) that they create unrealistic expectations and unnatural pressure.

    I am sick of hearing about this “crisis”.

    There is no shortage of guys and girls. There is just a shortage of seichal>

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    Sporadic,

    Thanks for the insight on Mormon minhagim.Didn’t know they put people in Cherem there too.

    Left Brooklyn,

    I agree with you on letting guys and girls find each other , that’s what tu b’av was all about. Don’t know about the fooling around part though, it’s probably what got that holiday banned by the ancestors of the chumra police .

  • Tony

    Maybe people are just better off doing what they want. If people don’t want to get married, why force them. There’s other paths of life. The shidduch crises comes from a declining interest in marriage. It’s the most expensive energy draining commitment. Guys want their assets.

  • Anonymous

    Tony I couldn’t agree with you more

  • http://daughtersintheparsha.blogspot.com daughtersintheparsha

    We need less of the ridiculous criteria

    Jessica, how are frum parents doing this? They are all talking to their friends, but pictures? that’s actually a big no-no. Cuz if your daughter is NOT a raving beauty, but the boy is “captivated” by the first phone call (if he even makes one) then she has a chance. But with a picture?? Unless it comes with an unlimited bank account…

  • http://mikeimidwood.blogspot.com Mikeinmidwood

    How about the fact that men start at 21-22 and women start at 18-19 a big age difference and you want them to marry in their age range.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    I never understood why you couldn’t see a picture. I always hate showing up to the house and having that urge to burn rubber as I drive off puking in my mouth. A simple picture could solve so much in the world and save some rubber.

  • http://www.frumfemale.blogspot.com frum single female

    i read the marie claire article yesterday as well. i had thought about posting about it, but i see u beat me to it. i think its great to see that other societies have their own versions of the “shidduch crisis”
    with online dating everyone has pictures up and i find it nice just to know what the other person looks like before i meet him . its also easier to spot someone when you meet someone somewhere for the first time. at least you know who you are looking for.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Now if only we knew what all these single female bloggers looked like. I feel like bloggers could make shidduchim amongst themselves but we men have no idea what you look like.

    Ever notice that the men usually have pics up but the women bloggers never do. Only the divorced women bloggers (who all seem to be good looking) have pictures up

  • http://jabberwocky-jessica.tumblr.com Jessica

    daughters — seriously? you’re focusing on just the one aspect of the picture? I’m talking about the whole idea. It sounds just like what frum parents are doing: matching up their kids based on the fact that their both single and some other shallow requirements.

  • someone

    If you want a good education on Mormon life, watch Big Love From HBO. All the Mormon people they interviewed about the show, claim that there is a lot of truth about what the latter day church looks like in today’s day and age.

    BTW, I love Big Love. True Blood is sick, but great too. Best Theme song EVER!!! “I wanna do bad things with you”

  • tesyaa

    Apparently the Mormon au pair thing is big, people like them because the church keeps tabs on them and all, but my friend got a fake Mormon au pair somehow.

  • http://daughtersintheparsha.blogspot.com daughtersintheparsha

    Jessica- would love to change the system. I didn’t “focus” only on the point of the pictures. The chinese may have a good idea, but it isn’t being done so directly in our world. maybe it should be. As a mother of girls, I can tell you – emphatically- NO ONE says to a woman with boys, how about we match up our kids. They go through a cousin who is a friend, a neighbor who is a mechutan, a mutual friend. It is so stupid. I actually did approach someone directly, and she blew me off. Ha! I thought it was a great idea because we are good friends. apparently not good enough for her son to marry my daughter!

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    I have a shidduch crisis post brewing in my head – its going to be interesting.

  • http://jabberwocky-jessica.tumblr.com Jessica

    daughter – just because it’s not the parents doesn’t make it any less shallow. People in the shidduch system are (more often than not) set up simply because both of them are single.
    I agree with you though, if I could change the system, I would… though I, thank God, never went through it and still managed to get married — oh my!

  • http://jabberwocky-jessica.tumblr.com Jessica

    whoops, realized I didn’t finish my thought — “People in the shidduch system are (more often than not) set up simply because both of them are single.”… and I don’t see how that’s any worse than meeting with a bunch of other parents in China showing off pictures of your single kids.

  • Future Druggie

    The Shidduch Crisis is that it’s a guy’s world. More boys are born autistic than girls, so there are fewer boys to choose from for any given age group. Girls, as unfair as it sounds, you do need to settle for porky, bald, foul-smelling alcoholics who are perpetually unemployed.

    • http://www.bing.com/ Gytha

      Superior thnnikig demonstrated above. Thanks!

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