Better yet, we could create hundreds of new jobs by appointing frum seeing-eye people for the spiritual toddlers. It would save a lot of well-meaning hostesses from having to say things like: “No, NO!! Put the fork in the OTHER side of the sink! Oh, I didn’t mean to yell, it’s just that’s a milchig fork and the sink…” while you stand there feeling like a total ass. And you will, potential converts, trust me. Or things like, “Ooh, actually, we can’t do that on Shabbos”, and then five minutes later, “Ooh, actually we can’t do THAT on Shabbos, either”. “Oh, you want to be a singer? Let me tell you about Kol Isha”. (Ok, that example was probably a bit more specific than you needed).
If you’re like me, and you found Judaism rather than being born Jewish, at first you can’t wait to get up in the morning. You’re going to do more mitzvot than anyone else has ever done! Who cares if it ONLY takes you an hour and a half to daven in the morning because halfway through you gave up on the Hebrew and finished in English? All of a sudden, you’ve got a purpose. Or maybe you had purpose before, but NOW you’ve got G-d purpose. What could be more important than that? Hopefully your friends and family are supportive of you. They’ll have to listen to a LOT of Jewish this and Jewish that, and please take a second to appreciate them, because they deserve it if they listen. You’ll find Jewish friends and you’ll hang on their every word because hey, they totally know what it’s like.
Just keep on studying. You’re not subscribing to your neighbor Moshe’s brand of Judaism; you’re subscribing to the truth. Go to the source. And, since you can’t convert without one, I cannot stress enough the importance of finding a good Rabbi that you can talk to. There may be some Rabbi’s in your LJC who don’t do conversions, but if your community is large enough, you’ll be able to find a good fit. Remember, this is the man who will be shepherding your entire conversion process; make it a worthwhile shidduch.
And then it happens–six months or so after you start studying. It stops being exciting – Remember when you got all psyched and proud because instead of having the unkosher potato skin flavor chips, you picked the Utz brand with the OU on it? It won’t always be as inspiring; it’ll start to become common place. So you worry. Maybe this isn’t for you. It IS a big decision. Like a new romance, maybe the bloom has faded from the rose.
You freak out! You’re still making the same choices, still shomer Shabbos, still kosher, still pushing your way through the Hebrew. But it doesn’t have the same sparkle. You might sleep in an hour instead of jumping out of bed to daven right away. You still daven, but you appreciate that extra hour of sleep. What does that mean? Why isn’t it the same? What aren’t you doing right? Answer: Nothing. Calm down. Folks, this is when you should rejoice. Congrats. This has now become a deep-seeded part of your life. It’s all right to have doubts, and its perfectly normal. Converting is a huge step. If you didn’t have any doubts whatsoever, I would be inclined to say that maybe you’re doing something wrong. This is a forever thing, not to be taken lightly. And, if it’s right for you, you will know. And nothing will be able to stop you.
Potential converts, prepare to hear “why we wash our hands before we eat bread” fifteen times. Prepare to spend three hours in the grocery store (unless you’re lucky enough to have a kosher store in your LJC) and emerge with almost nothing. Bid your fond goodbyes to fastfood and learn to love cholent. If you’ve been invited out for Shabbos, prepare beforehand. Look up the Torah portion (better yet, go to Shul), look up some commentary, and prepare to contribute.
Read everything you can. Ask people for books and book recommendations. If you can’t always make it to a class, at least you can still study. Does your Rabbi have an email address? It’s okay to flood his inbox. He would rather you asked the questions. Keep a notebook with you at all times, to jot things down you want to research later. You wouldn’t make a decision like this without being adequately prepared. So read. Hop on the internet and find other converts. Start a support group or something. You’ll need it.
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So true.
great post, sounds great!
More guest posters, please.
Please write more, Kay.
Thanks. Does Kay have a blog of her own?
BT’s have similar issues.
This is the perfect season for your post. We all have our highs and lows, and that makes you a Jew. Once you’ve converted, you’re a regular Jew. Welcome to the tribe.
Although I was born Jewish, I feel better now that I understand that G0d is running the world. Do you agree?
And, Kay, I’ve been Jewish my whole life, and I don’t put anything down in a kosher kitchen without asking where I can put them (like a stack of dishes brought in from the table, for example).
That was an amazing post. Maybe Kay should consider writing a book to help potential converts. That was a lot of good advice, that having helped people through the conversion process, I am sure they would have rather have not had to find out on their own.
1
Great Post! As a convert, I have come to find that I don’t look Jewish. But I DO look Israeli.
Excellent post.
Thanks. I wish you lots of success and happiness. I hope your experiences are positive going forward.
Thanks for all of the great feedback, guys! I was nervous about having some of my writing put up so public like this, and all of your comments have been great
s(b.), in answer to your question, I do have my own blog. It’s mainly personal rantings, but you’re more than welcomed to look at it.
http://www.shomershabbossoprano.blogspot.com
HaMekubal, I have considered writing a book at some point, or at least trying to publish articles about this subject. This was my first attempt
Thank you all for your kind words.
Good luck finding your way of life.
Bravo! This Kay shiska is dy-no-mite, she must write more!
I ?????ed out loud! [?ol?]
hmm, that last comment did not transcribe well… ok then
I lakhn biz trern!
cool; thanks.
Great post.
“Kol isha” isn’t a problem for the woman who is singing, it’s for the men who are listening. How many Orthodox Jewish men do you see at the opera?
Well, crap, Q…now I have to re-think re-thinking my career choice, haha.
Your poignant commentary is exceeded only by the charm with which you write it.
Hi there! So, you need an hour and a half to daven Sharchris? Me too, and I’m born Jewish, attended Hebrew school (Conservative Movement) as a child, spent a year in Israel (as a middle aged adult) AND I’ve been davening with tefillin for the past 18 years, and I still need an hour and a half to complete the morning shochel – emes! Relax, enjoy your new religion, don’t worry, be happy. Judaism isn’t about competition, despite the fact that most Jews think it is (you know, like who can complete the Amidah the fastest – a standard Hebrew school kiddie distraction that just won’t quit as we grow older, or you’re worthless because you’re not a doctor, etc., or the guy/gal who tries to shut you up by telling you he/she knows someone who…). Chuck the crap and stick with the basics – you’ll wind up loving Judaism, and yourself, if you do.
baruch hashem, k’y h, bli ayin hora, and all that stuff that i need a seeing eye frumster for!!!!! i love this post!
Schvach, if you do the Shemona Esrei in two minutes instead of ten, it looks like a great dance. I’ll never forget third grade dancing.
Thanks for bringing back memories of many years ago! For me it took a lot longer than six months for inspiration to turn to routine… but it happens to everybody, sooner or later. One day you’re still at the table bentsching, an hour after you’re ois fleischig… seems like the next day you’ve rattled it off before the mayim acharonim has finished going around. You’ve graduated- now what? How do you keep the fire burning, besides feeding it cholent?
Remember when you finally got it straight that red or yellow is for fleischig, blue or green for milchig? Then you went to someone’s house and offered to help clean up, confident in your savoir kosher- to find that for some obscure reason known only to them, your hosts used red for milchig and blue for fleischig?
Be prepared for The Question. Forty years after your conversion, people will still be asking you: What made you do it? Exactly like that, as if someone were standing by the mikvah with a shotgun pointed at your head until you dunked. The only thing more maddening is when they assume you converted because you were already involved with someone Jewish. It’s enough to send you to the back of the closet! So if any of you know me- it’s been a million years, so don’t bother to ask. There are only so many closets a person can occupy at one time!
It’s almost Yom Kippur- in a couple of days you’ll be wondering why you couldn’t have waited another month or so! Have an easy fast and an inspirational davening- and don’t get discouraged if you have to switch to English to keep up. Even after all these years, on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur I still cheat a little.
And if you’re really lucky, you’ll be sitting in a sukkah with thick evergreen schach, get a big whiff of heavenly fragrance, and you’ll think to yourself… mmm, that’s one thing I won’t have to miss!
Have a sweet year!
Thanks for the nice post!
I’m on the conversion track and so wish there was a simple HOWTO or README file I could follow (sorry, computer geek at heart).
The thing thats got me so hung up now is the rabbi were studying with that we both like alot is leaving Japan soon. Dunno what will happen after that, but G-d provides.
Chris,
Best of luck to you on your conversion journey! I’m sorry your Rabbi is headed out of the country (but Japan, that must be exciting!!) but as you say, G-d provides.
If ever you wanted someone to talk to about your experiences, a sounding board, or some advice (like a README file, lol) — feel free to email me.
sonicscrewdriver1@gmail.com
Cheers!
Japan! How cool is that? I’d follow the rabbi there if I were you.
I feel for you- it is so hard to find a compatible rabbi. Best of luck! You can email me too, if you need some support from someone who’s been there, done that: selkie305@yahoo.com
Shanah tovah!
A good rabbi who will work with geirus is VERY hard to find in my opinion, especially if you live anywhere outside the major jewish communities.
Be careful when picking your rabbi, most will not actually create the beis din for you, and will simply refer you to a beis din, making things all that much more complicated.
I’d also like to point out that I’ve heard converts (pre mikvah) asked if they were crazy so many times lol…. and I kinda wonder the same thing. It’s a huge mess and I would never recommend it to anyone. I still cant believe I did it, although I wouldnt trade it for anything.
When I first went to a rabbi, he sent me to a friend of his who was a psychologist! Seriously, though, I guess they want to find out if you are converting because of religious conviction, or out of unresolved issues with your family or whatever.
As of a couple years ago, the CRC actually requires potential gerim to get a psychological evaluation before being accepted in the process.
I actually was very, very fortunate because I grew up in Baltimore, and we’ve got quite a large community. And I had made a Conservative conversion a couple of years before approaching a frum Rabbi…and in a weird way, I think it may have worked in my favor.
A psychological examination? Wow. I hadn’t heard that…I’m not sure whether or not I think its a good idea, but it doesn’t surprise me.
Hello Kay – here’s some more, all kidding aside.
http://www.chabad.org/multimedia/media_cdo/aid/676161/jewish/Kabbalah-of-Prayer.htm
chevramaidel,
Nice idea but my family, career and mortgage are all here in Tokyo. Another rabbi will come along and our local community requires someone friendly to potential gerim due to the facts on the ground. Plenty of nice jewish boys meet nice japanese girls here… And then there are the oddball “walk ins” like me and the wife.
Oh BTW I just made it through my first Yom Kippur. We went last night and all day today and did the fast. Going w/o food is alot easier than going w/o coffee & cigarettes.
As for psychological exams, whadda buncha fooey! Like there are no crazy FFBs?
I think the idea is that there are already so many crazy Jews that we don’t need to be importing any more!
I have an online group! I have 18 members write now and there’s some conversation rolling. I would really like this guest blogger to join and post this on my group.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Jewish_Conversion_Orthodox/
Oy, I must have been tired. Write now? I’m ed-Ju-ma-kay-ded…
right now. I have 19. Also, there’s a new facebook group that I joined.
Greetings from a fellow convert! I got very lucky and landed a book contract to write about my journey to Jewish conversion.
Please check out my post: “The Worst Guest in the World” where I talk about some of the issues with manners that come up when you’re a convert. I write a great deal about what it’s like to be a convert navigating Jewish waters.
I loved your joke about the “seeing-eye people” and agree that it would come in handy. I also have an online conversion group, which I started shortly after completing my conversion. The link to that is available on my blog.
That hardly even begins to remotely cover the mine field of issues that a convert has to confront on a daily basis when living a visibly Jewish life, some of which are funny, others of which are not. M
y one big tip when you go out to synagogue on Friday night is to write your name and number down on several pieces of paper before you go and keep them with you, because you are likely to want to contact many of these people again and you have no other viable way if doing so unless you give them your pre-written name and number. No really, believe me on this one, this is something you want to do. Your memory is not that good and neither is theirs. Plus if you are single and meet the love of your life, wouldn’t it stink for them to not have any way for them to contact you again so you could get married, have kids and live a long, Jewish life together?
You are also going to get asked the question by total strangers, for the rest of your life “Why did you convert?”, or commonly “What made you convert?” like someone had a gun to my head and forced me to do it. On some levels this is a deeply personal and therefore rude question which no stranger has the right to go asking you, but I forgive that due to the natural curiosity that born Jews have at finding out you are a convert. It’s one thing to be a baal tshuva(sp?) who is re-embracing Judaism, but it’s even more hard-core to want to go from being whatever you were before to Jewish altogether. The answer to “why?” can also be a long one which you probably don’t have time to elaborate on during a short personal encounter, so have a canned and disarming answer at the ready. My personal one is “Jesus showed up in a vision I had one night and told me to do it, plus now I get to wear this cool little hat.”. In a similar vein, I had a hassid tell a goy female friend of mine, when he declined to shake her hand, “I’m saving myself for marriage.”. Another good answer for those who are capable of conspiracy-related satire (and not everyone is) is that you wanted to find out the secret number that all Jews know which they can punch into an ATM anywhere in the world and withdraw as much money as they want. Not all Jews will get that this is something many conspiracy theorists and some anti-semites claim we have in our possession- I wish! If anyone out there has it that secret number, will you please e mail it to me, because they forgot to tell me what it is.
Another thing you are going to get asked is “What (religion) were you before?”. In my case, I can say that truthfully that I was not attached to any religion before I converted and that my parents left that choice open for me when I was young so I could freely choose a religion, or not to be religiously involved, when I was ready to later in life. But for those who decline to answer this or who don’t want to get into it right when they were asked, you can always say “I was Catholic but the incense at the services, you know, just irritated my eyes after I started wearing contacts, so I switched.” or “I was in a Satan worshiping cult, but all the midnight black masses we had were making it tough to get up for work on time the next day.”.
Jeff
You like to piss people off, don’t you?
My short answer to why I converted is: “I don’t do human G-d” and if they want the long answer, I’ll Email it to them when it’s not Shabbos. Rather than WRITING your name down… just get business cards-duh! I have a good memory so, I don’t bother. However, people don’t hold by the eruv in Brooklyn so you can’t use business cards there. It’s best to have an easy to remember Email address and just give that out. While in the process, I was “aspiringjewess@yahoo.com” That’s pretty easy, no?