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Gay Siddur includes prayer for one night stands and sex changes

I must say that this is probably the most F@#$ed up thing I have ever seen. I know, my liberal ideals are all tied up like a tangled umbilical cord, but I laughed when I first read the article and now I am quite disgusted by it. I’ll get right to it.

A 31 year old gay synagogue, in San Francisco is coming out with a new siddur. Normally when the Reform movement publishes a siddur, they remove things like the morning brachos thanking God for creating me as a Jew or as a man, etc…But this siddur is completely whack.

The main controversy is a prayer entitled “Kavanah for Unexpected Intimacy” to permit the encounter to be a blessing. WTF is that? I wish there was a prayer for kavanah during shmona esray or kavanah during kol nidrei. But what on earth is kavanah during “unexpected intimacy”? Does that mean that while your having a casual encounter with some guy you met at the local bar- you ask God to help you remember his name, so you don’t call out your ex-boyfriends name during sex? Thats the only reasoning I can think of.

But the article on JTA says the following which is complete insanity

“In the dark, in a strange place, our father Jacob encountered a stranger with whom he grappled all night,” the prayer begins, referring to the biblical story of Jacob wrestling with the angel. “He never knew the stranger’s name, yet their encounter was a blessing.” You mean to tell me that you are comparing Jacobs encounter with Aisuvs angel is similar to a one night stand or a craigslist casual encounter??? WTF- that is the most insane thing I have ever heard. I hope you are not trying to come to the conclusion that Yaakov had sex with the angel?

The point of the prayer for unexpected intimacy is “that all aspects of our lives are holy if we approach them with a sense of the sacred,” said Rabbi Camille Angel of Sha’ar Zahav.

This is not even talking about the plain old intimacy between two loving people that happen to be of the same sex. Nope, this is basically saying that one night stands are not only ok, but you can sacntify that relationship which is completely wrong be it gay or straight according to the torah and straight people can at least bust out some ghetto heters for mikvah or pilegesh.

A blessing over sex change operations will also be included in the siddur!

These people are really taking it too far.

Hat Tip to Dov Bear

{ 55 comments… add one }
  • Child Ish Behavior September 22, 2008, 1:13 PM

    The whole thing is a sick joke, made by a misguided person.

  • Frum Satire September 22, 2008, 1:33 PM

    The problem is that its not a joke!!!

  • stizz September 22, 2008, 1:55 PM

    yeah man, the 21st century, like, totally sucks.

    welcome to the real world.

    omg there are people who are different than me. omg let’s mock them and deride their completely legitimate attempts at spirituality.

    you guys are wankers.

  • Frum Funky Fab (slightly eidel) September 22, 2008, 2:13 PM

    Stizz, pardon me but what makes this a “completely legitimate ” attempt at spirituality?

    Do you mean to say that if I decided that I enjoyed killing innocent people, and I wanted to feel all spiritual while doing it, I could write a prayer to say before knocking them off and that this would be a completely legit attempt at spirituality? Because I’d think it was more of a pathetically transparent attempt to assuage my guilt by attempting to disguise my abominable behavior as a sacred act.

    Enough garbage has gone on in the name of religion over the centuries. We’re trying to eliminate this type of stupidity in the world, not condone it.

  • Frum Funky Fab (slightly eidel) September 22, 2008, 2:15 PM

    By stupidity, I mean engaging in self serving immoral acts and calling it religion.

  • Shmuley September 22, 2008, 2:40 PM

    agree with Frum Funky.

    Let’s make a child molester Siddur so they can have a blessing for “unexpected intemacy”.
    How well would that go over? I know that homosexuality doesn’t equal child molester, but random sex is a sin no matter how you cut it. you can’t make a blessing before a sin and expect it to all be fine and dandy. If you want to be sexually immoral (gay or straight) then have fun, but don’t pretend to be religious as well.

  • offthederech September 22, 2008, 3:02 PM

    Cut the homophobia

  • Heimish in BP September 22, 2008, 3:02 PM

    L’gay baal tarshia, Hoshana!!!

  • Marooned in the Midwest September 22, 2008, 3:11 PM

    I don’t think this is about homophobia at all. It is about a synagogue that is trying to create liturgy to elevate a one night stand to level of holiness. Gay or straight I am not buying that one.

    And the bit about using Yaakov and the angel wrestling as a metaphor for a random sexual encounter….come on. Once again, gay or straight, that is gross.

  • Left Brooklyn and never looked back September 22, 2008, 3:24 PM

    Hesh, if you can make a bracha for a rainbow, why not for the pot of gold at the end??


    Maybe Artscroll will add it for heteros as a possible formula is aleviate the shidduch crisis.

  • Rishona September 22, 2008, 3:39 PM

    How upsetting; as if Judaism doesn’t get enough mockery as it is!

  • Anita September 22, 2008, 4:32 PM

    Oy vey, this is truly disturbing.

  • Frum Satire September 22, 2008, 4:42 PM

    Left Brooklyn- thank you for that.

    No this is definitely not about homophobia, as many of you can attest, I myself am somewhat Gay- well maybe not, but I have gay friends. Man I sound like George Costanza.

    Seriously, legitimizing gay marriage is one thing- but taking something that most can agree is not nor will ever be a spiritual event- the one night stand or casual encounter or wham bam thank you MAN- this is merely a mockery of religion.

    Although one may argue that religion is a bunch of crap anyway and anyone can do what they want. Thats true, but to call it a siddur- jeez man.

    What about a blessing over beastiality, or pedophilia, or how about a blessing over kavanah for porn.

  • Yaakovsladder September 22, 2008, 5:19 PM

    This pales in comparison to the usual arguments about what to do with the Lubavitchers wearing Yechi yarmulkas.

  • Urkel September 22, 2008, 6:36 PM

    Baruch Ata Ha-Oops did I do that?

  • offthederech September 22, 2008, 6:49 PM

    >I must say that this is probably the most F@#$ed up thing I have ever seen.

    And you say it’s not about homophobia?

  • Phil September 22, 2008, 7:01 PM

    Leave it up to the reformed “fudgepackers” to try to legitimize their perverted ways according to religion. First it was Shabbos and kosher, then interfaith weddings now this!

    This is a total insult to Judaism as is everything else they do at reformed churches, that is why we aren’t even allowed in there.

    A casual encounter of the gay kind should be followed by remorse as it as a grave sin for which people were once stoned to death (worse than child molesting according to halacha). To have these sickos congregate together forming a group of proud perverts is bad enough, why do they have to mix religion into it too?

  • Yaakovsladder September 22, 2008, 7:28 PM


    Many people I would imagine, including myself, totally feel that this is so wrong that it’s difficult to write their feelings about the issue. I respect your views but MAN, I can’t even believe that you said that. ROTFL

  • Phil September 22, 2008, 8:15 PM

    One more thing for these twisted minds: They mis-translated Yaacov “wrestling” the angel into “grappling” which is at least still a form of wrestling / MMA, i.e. trying to beat somebody up.

    It doesn’t say “groping”, which is probably what they want it to sound like.

    I believe the correct “blessing” is a mi sheparach or al cheit.

  • Chavi September 22, 2008, 8:23 PM

    Okay, I’m hella liberal and that makes ME uncomfortable. Damn.

  • Yiddy Mooky September 22, 2008, 8:49 PM

    From morning prayers:
    “Blessed are you, Lord, our God, ruler the universe who has not created me a woman.”

    It would have been less of a stretch if they had used this blessing instead- then they could just add a minor tweak to say:

    “Blessed are you, Lord, our God, ruler the universe who has not created me a woman nor did he create a woman of the fellow I boinked at the bar when I was drunk last night.”

  • Frum Satire September 22, 2008, 9:11 PM

    RE off the D
    >I must say that this is probably the most F@#$ed up thing I have ever seen.

    And you say it’s not about homophobia?

    Just because I think that someone who is saying a prayer to sanctify a one night stand is insane doesn’t mean I am homophobic. I didn’t say anything against gay people, furthermore- I said that bracha to sanctify any illegal sexual activity would be asinine.

    Kind of like making a bracha on something treiffe

  • AN September 22, 2008, 10:53 PM

    I’ve recently started following your blog, and I, like you, have a complex relationship with my yiddishkeit and my liberalness (at least, I’ve gathered that you do?) But while I support secular gay marriage, I have to say that I’m completely appalled by this move. And as you say, it would be equally offensive if the bracha were intended for straight couples as well. People throw a lot under the heading of “spirituality.” Last time I checked (re: informal conversation amongst friends) one-night stands have very little to do with attempts to connect to higher powers. Intimacy isn’t actually intimate if it’s just about the physical, and saying a bracha over the encounter isn’t going to change that!

  • Chossid September 22, 2008, 11:46 PM

    There’s nothing Jewish about this. That people want to make up their own man made religions to justify their own sick tendencies is nothing new. It’s maybe a new level of depravity but really no different from ignoring Torah she baal peh.

  • solamente September 23, 2008, 12:16 AM

    This is not about homophobia. Hey, people CAN do whatever they want. But bear in mind that “whatever they want” is not nessicarily in line with holiness or spirituality. You can be pals with a homosexual, but still believe that what they’re doing is not good for them. Before you label people homophobes, be clear on what that actually means!
    Frum, as you so often joke about the consumption of rugalach in the religious world, let’s use that as an example. Over-eating isn’t in line with Jewish spirituality either, and just because a bracha was made doesn’t sancitify the act of binging! The same applies here. A one-night-stand, among other sexual practices, tends to run at opposites with Torah. It’s not a judgement. Think of it in terms of what is good for the person. Torah comes from the word “lesson”- it can be taken as a guide, in which case, more simply than calling a one-night-stand a “sin”, it can be looked at as not healthy (spiritually and often otherwise) for a person to pursue such a lifestyle, according to Torah.
    But hey, if they want to- by all means! Freedom of choice!
    In my opinion, the fact that a bracha was made for such an act is just ridiculous, because it is not expressive of the path that Torah recommends. It’s like trying to use a weapon manual to operate a juicer, and crafting a few sentences to fit your purpose, hoping that it will work out!
    In any case, according to ‘stizz’ we are all wankers, and being that we’re so busy masterbating, what would we know about legitimate spirituality anyway?!

  • Chris_B September 23, 2008, 1:17 AM

    Anyone know a primary source? I’ve seen alot of fuss about this thing here and there but no primary sources so far. If the source is in the JTA article, I missed it since I didnt feel like registering.

  • Rafi September 23, 2008, 3:38 AM

    > What about a blessing over beastiality

    Ashira LaShem Ki Gamal Alai!

  • Daniel September 23, 2008, 9:15 AM

    OMG! The world is completely screwed in the head. If this doesn’t make your skin crawl, then you better reexamine yourself and how it is you have been desensitized to immorality over the years. My first reaction to this is to laugh hysterically, but it is hardly funny. I really feel for the next generation that is going to have to grow up in a world full of this kind of crap. Adam and Eve baby, not Adam and Steve! Wow, and right before Rosh Hashanah!

  • Frum Satire September 23, 2008, 10:10 AM

    Chris- you do not have to register to see the article. There is a little link that says to continue without registering.

  • Chris_B September 23, 2008, 11:07 AM

    solamente spelled it out real good.

    “The point of the prayer for unexpected intimacy is “that all aspects of our lives are holy if we approach them with a sense of the sacred,” said Rabbi Camille Angel of Sha’ar Zahav.”

    OK this here I cant agree with at all. I had a pretty wild youth and did enough that I’m not proud of. From what I saw and what I did, I’m pretty clear on the fact that NOT all aspects of our lives are holy, period. IMO you cant do certain things with a sense of the sacred. I’m not gonna spell those things out but straight or gay some things are very clearly the opposite of sacred.

    Basically this smells like rationalization, like the selling of indulgences or any other hypocritical practice that kept me away from any and all forms of organized religion for 39 years.

  • OPINIONATED September 23, 2008, 12:08 PM

    I’m about to accidentally kill my boss. Anyone know the blessing to say to elevate me spiritually?

  • Frum Satire September 23, 2008, 1:55 PM

    Scream Amalek and then it will be a miztvah

  • Shtetl Fabulous September 23, 2008, 2:00 PM

    Another voice from the liberal end of your readership and I too am really puzzled by this whole prayer. When I daven Shacharit, I say “she asani b’tzalmo” versus “she asani kir tzono or she lo asani isha.” In college, I wrote a paper on lesbian rabbis and in grad school another paper on LGBT issues in Israel.
    On top of that, I’ve certainly engaged in acts of some intimacy outside of (but not in addition to) committed relationships.
    And through all of that, I still think the entire concept of this prayer is out of whack with what I perceive to be Jewish spirituality. A kavannah for intimacy with a hetero or same-sex, long-term partner? OK. But a one-night stand is usually not even good enough to merit an exchange of phone numbers, let alone a petition to G-d.

  • suitepotato September 23, 2008, 2:33 PM

    Is anyone buying that “homophobia” nonsense anymore? It automatically implies an irrational fear, not a philosophical rejection of it as an appropriate way of life, which it actually is in most cases. Humans across the board are largely bisexual but most don’t act out on it.

    There’s a certain reason for that rejection starting at the instinctive/emotional level and not necessarily because of disgust which does enter into it, but also because of a tacit acknowledgment of the likely outcome of a freely openly casual bisexual/homosexual world. That is, we know deep down that most promiscuity is caused by male demand and the only thing holding it back is female reticence and intransigence.

    If men lie with men, then there’s no real bar to the promiscuity and we fight wars over less than broken hearts and shattered dreams. In a world of true casual promiscuity, all bets are off. We know instinctively it is a bad idea.

    It is also the same reason for putting so much pressure on women. Humans don’t like being truthful and taking responsibility. Men know that most promiscuity is caused by male demand and since they abdicate responsibility to control themselves, they put it on the women. “Lock me up, don’t come near me, I’m dangerous, I’m going to get in your pants! Put on a chastity belt and armor up!” That’s basically where that’s at.

    This is just another way of incorporating into an area of society a reinforcement against the conscience warning us against doing the easy fun thing versus the harder and right thing.

  • Eves Droppings September 23, 2008, 3:21 PM

    Overheard in a gay shul: May I thrust my lulav beside your esrogs in the entrance of your succah after you shake my lulav for me first. Then we can say the lulav blessing together.

  • B.BarNavi September 23, 2008, 3:42 PM

    I think it’s probably only a Yehi Ratzon, and no Bracha levatala is made H”V. Still, the only prayer I’d make for a one-night stand is viduy and seliha.

    But a Kavanna for sex change isn’t too off base.

  • Phil September 23, 2008, 5:52 PM

    Did you hear of the gay shul named “Ahavas Achim”?
    Their motto was “sim yadcha tachas yerechi”!

  • s(b.) September 23, 2008, 7:45 PM

    T’fillat haderech covers all of this. I say it each time I get behind the wheel (I made a little deal w/God after I totaled my car that I would). What happens after that is my exercise of free will. I hope I approach any/all encounters with an awareness of the holy.

  • Mel September 23, 2008, 9:33 PM

    I hear that the name of the shul in Congregation Ahavas Achim.

  • Bais Hellel September 24, 2008, 7:59 AM

    Blessed Satan, please bless me with the wisdom and mental sharpness to find strange bedfellows who are not interested in a lasting relationship but who only are looking for a 1 night homosexual encounter. Amen.

    *Did the prayer you saw look something like that?

  • shevers September 24, 2008, 8:38 AM

    Frum Satire // Sep 23, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    Scream Amalek and then it will be a miztvah

    I laughed. A lot.

    But seriously… this is called trying to legitimize things that are wrong.

    Its one thing to do things that are wrong and admit they’re wrong. Its a whole other ballpark to try and convince yourself what you’re doing is right and sanctioned by Torah.

    Isn’t that what the yetzer hora is? The little voice in your head that convinces you little transgressions really aren’t sooo bad…. until you do worse and worse things…

    Where’s moshiach already?

  • Jack September 27, 2008, 12:26 AM

    Leave it up to the reformed “fudgepackers” to try to legitimize their perverted ways according to religion. First it was Shabbos and kosher, then interfaith weddings now this!

    This is a total insult to Judaism as is everything else they do at reformed churches, that is why we aren’t even allowed in there.

    Phil you’re an ignorant redneck and an embarrassment. It is absolutely shameful and the fact that no one else has taken you to task is pathetic.

    You can disagree with what happens without resorting to this kind of stupidity. It is really easy to come up legitimate criticism, but apparently that is beyond you.

    You are not any more Jewish than anyone else, but apparently more bigoted.

    Very impressive.

  • Phil September 28, 2008, 10:29 AM


    Nice to label me as an ignorant redneck for sticking up for what’s right, apparently you seem to be the one ignorant about what is legitimate when it comes to halacha.

    Before assuming that Judaism is about liberalism and freedom to do whatever one may please, I suggest you pick up a Chumash, Shulchan Aruch or other sefer to see what they have to say about gays and reformers.

  • Jack September 28, 2008, 1:05 PM


    Don’t hide your bigotry behind Joe Caro. You are an ignorant fool who is upset because someone called you on it.

    It is really easy to criticize this stand in a mature and intellectual manner. You chose not to.

    There is no room for Fred Phelps wannabees. Chazal never makes a case for the kind of hate you promulgate.

  • Phil September 28, 2008, 2:17 PM


    I don’t see what there is to be ignorant about. Somebody sticking their penis in another dudes anus and being proud to the point of hanging out in the same shul as other deviants and writing a prayer to endorse their disgusting activities is about as perverse as you can get. To add to the insult, the bring in Yaacov Avinu!

    Fact is this is a humor/satire based blog, that is where the slang comes in. I believe the term “fudgepacker” to be quite descriptive in a humorous sort of way. I don’t have any hate for these individuals, that doesn’t mean I have to get all politically correct to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes. I feel sorry that these factions of judaism are accepted as the norm today, just goes to show what sorry state we are in.

  • Jack September 28, 2008, 10:54 PM


    You really don’t get it. Doesn’t matter if it is a humor based blog, there are some terms that you just don’t use. People with an ounce of sechel understand that.

    It is funny that you make comments about feeling sorry about factions of Judaism being accepted because many people say the same thing about your faction.

    The stupid adherence to minhagim that have little to nothing to do with halacha, the intentional misinterpretations all make us laugh and not in a good way.

    The sad thing is that you promote divisiveness and try to couch it in being authentic observation. Your derech is no more authentic or righteous than others.

    I honestly feel sorry that you fail to understand these things. Someone along the way failed in their obligation to educate you.

  • Frum Satire September 28, 2008, 11:04 PM

    I am not taking sides- but I have to say its been a long time since commenters have gotten into a quarrel so kudos to you two.

  • s(b.) September 28, 2008, 11:15 PM

    Wouldn’t shehechiyanu cover a sex change? And the one for after you get out of the hospital?

  • Phil September 29, 2008, 8:04 AM

    Frum Satire,

    I’m not trying to quarrel, just defend my point of view against insults from this frustrated liberal.


    Sorry it’s come to this but after your latest comments, all I have to say is that you should take the time to read some more seforim or maybe even attend a yeshiva for a while, seems like you’re the one lacking a basic Jewish education.
    The fact the you equate “my” faction with theirs and that you think orthodox and chassidic Judaism is on par with reformed Judaism proves that you still have much to learn.

    Shana Tova.

  • Ras Hona October 18, 2008, 3:49 AM

    Eh, leave ’em alone! Let ’em pray for what they will! JAH the Most High hears and enjoys in all prayers, because people are turning to Him!

  • Ras Hona October 18, 2008, 3:50 AM

    Eh, leave ’em alone! Let ’em pray for what they will! JAH the Most High hears and enjoys in all prayers, because people are turning to Him! And people should be able to pray to the Most High when theyre having a sex change! It’s no one’s position to say except Jah!

  • Chris_B October 18, 2008, 11:10 AM

    Another reggae fan, sweet! One who aint rabidly homophobic, even sweeter.

  • Dan February 1, 2012, 8:30 AM

    Isn’t it interesting to read Heshy’s really old posts, and compare?

  • Shachar January 30, 2013, 2:13 AM

    Can you please post the text of that prayer for one night stand?
    Just for academic reasons… 😉


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