Well it may or not be depending on how I feel, but based on how I feel now, I am in the mood of making fun of frummies this week. So here it goes.
I was thinking about ways that you can tell someone is super yeshivish or frummy or whatever other label you want to give them, and I thought about washing cups. If you ever have the delight of staying somewhere and they give you your very own washing cup and basin to stick near your bed, you know your host is a frummy. Being that this has only happened once or twice I have decided that all of the people I have stayed by that didn’t give me a washing cup and big crusty bowl full of beard hairs and other floating things, were judged wrongly and I would like to ask mechilla.
Another way to know if someone is frummy is if they call junk food nosh. Maybe I am going a little out there, but in experiences, regular old modern orthodox folks just don’t use the term nosh to describe candy and snacks, they also tend not to use heimishe branded snacks, like leibers potato chips which should have come out with a kettle cooked version to keep with the times. Or how about those little yellow pretzel boxes that frummies love so much.
This is a freestyle post so pardon me if I change channels, but why on earth do all frummies have stacks of readers digests in the bathroom? I know times are a changing due to the influx of brainwashing propaganda like Binah and Mishpacha which are probably owned by the same people or the Shidduch magazine, I almost feel that frummies talk so much about shidduchim not because of the crisis, but because its the closest way that they can talk about sex. Because shidduchim leads to sex after all, just my thoughts.
What about shtenders in living rooms, no way you’d ever see this in a regular home, only frummies replace the TV with a bunch of seforim and a shtender. Then when you do find an English book its one of those frummy novels about some guy who needs to revenge his grandfathers death by tracking down some young kids that need kiruv and also happen to know where the murderer lives. Furthermore, all thsoe frummy novels are written in the exact same form as around the magids table or all for the boss- makes for a tough read. Once in a rare moon, if they have Lord of the Rings or Harry Pottor they are demoted to yeshivish modern and just aren’t frummy anymore.
Lets see if I can actually make frummy week happen…
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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
Looking forward. I find these to be among your funniest posts.
Let me just say for the record that I love eating nosh in front of my living room shtender while watching some good old wholesome TV.
Well then you may be called yeshivish modern or faker yeshivish
I personally don’t believe in labels. ( just did a post on the subject) I think they are a restriction to growth. If I am as you say “Yeshivish Modern” then whats the point in trying to do any better? I already have a label that says what I do is correct.
It’s different here in the HolyLand. Also, as long-time-married, I just don’t meet those situations.
Nu, any plans to return? You can test us out by visiting us in Shiloh.
Why is it always called Yeshivish? Whatever happened to Chassidim? I am probably in your frummie category but I am definately not Yeshivish! Never been to the Lakewood yeshiva despite the fact of having been to yeshiva my whole life. The main difference you see aside from the fact that we dress way better than the Yeshivish side is that we have Rebbe pictures above the Shtender next to our seforim shranks in the living room.
Yaakovsladder
Chassidim in general are not all so religious. Some have TVs they brought in through air conditioner boxes, while others just dont have em.
I feel like Chabad frummies don’t fall have half these frummy prerequisites… they just have other ones?
Frummie week sounds good, just in time for Rosh Hashana. There is a fine line between Yeshivish and Chassidish, depending on the hat you wear and the yeshiva you attend(ed). “Black hatters” can be either or, I think Chassidish are less prone to wearing ties, more into gartels when compared to Yeshivish. Then you have Chassidim, that are members of some sect or another, usually named after the shtetls they originated from. Most follow their dynasty of rebbeim and each have specific costumes / outfits for special occasions.
When it comes to junk food, you can theoreticly run into bishul akum situations depending on how strict you are, that is why you will see some frummies buying only Liebers chips instead of Lays, or Paskez pretzels instead of Rold Gold. When it comes to chocolates, Cholov Akum is another issue, and doughnuts such as Entenmans end up being Pas Akum. Funny how after all these labels they are still kosher.
The term Chassid in the Halacha books refer to the highest level a jew can achieve. The 4 levels are Bur, Am Haaretz, Tzadik, and Chassid. I doubt any chassidim today are Chassid. Great nickname to call your movement though, but a fur hat, beard to the floor, and payos doesn’t make anyone a Chassid.
Dude, the misnagdim are the ones who nicknamed chassidim, chassidim, they didn’t pick it for themselves. Ironic huh?
I think the chassidim also nicknamed the misnagdim.
True chassidim and true misnagdim are very hard to find today, many are fakers, or simply fool themselves into believing they are chassidim based on the way they dress or what families they were born into.
Chabadnicks are rarely frummies, they just couldn’t be. By the way- frummies are not necessarily frum. Frummies is almost like saying on the surface its all good, but in the living room behind the seforim case, by pulling out the obscure halachic book that no one touches- a switch is pulled and a full entertainment system pops out. That would be so frummy.
I know plenty of “frummie” chabadnicks,most don’t have enough $$$ for the full entertainment system that pops out when you remove the sefer, although I’m sure a few could use it. Sounds like something out of a Batman comic. In my Chabad neighborhood, people call TV’s microwaves, they also go to do mivtzoim at blockbuster’s after Shabbos.
I thought junk food was called nosherei, but what do I know? I’m not even a frummie.
Would that I could come up with a decent humor post about the habits of my Conservative Jewish crew.
Too bad you didn’t make it to the NYC-area bloggers’ picnic . I was planning to bonk upside the head with a stale challah for for your recent “too-low mechitzah” post.
Lubavitchers are too busy helping other Jews to be Frummies.
Dear Larry and Phil (sexy names if I ever heard them),
“I doubt any chassidim today are Chassid”
“many are fakers”
One thing, since it is a week before Rosh Hashana:
On behalf of my wonderful, sweet, kind, and–yeah, you heard it from a cynic–sincere Chasidish cousins and friends: Thanks for those inaccurate and steriotypical statements. Rock on!
Hesh, I’m surprised you didn’t mention the “Seforim Rooms.” Most frummies and frummie wannabes (usually Misnagdim) have entire rooms devoted to the study of Gemara by the man of the house. They usually can be found as you immediately enter their McMansion in Monsey or Lakewood. Big mahogany, executive desk, many Seforim shelves behind it. Without that room, a frummie family is just not in competition.
Hey interesting post.
I’m about as Chabad as you could get, have lived in a Chabad community half my life and in non religious community as a Shaliach the other half. We do give people a Negel Vasser cup and bowl when they sleep over, as washing Netilas Yadayim in the morning is in Halacha and every real Chabadnik is careful with it. We refer to junk food both as junk food and nosh. There is no Shtender in the living room but my childhood memories are those of falling asleep to my father learning. After a long day when he occasionally only gets home at nine, he sits down to learn for a couple of hours. No reader’s digest in the bathroom, no shidduch obsessions… does that mean we’re not frum?
This post is intendended in good humor and I love your blog. I’m just fed up of Yeshivish people at work being surprised when they see me Daven mincha at work, or when they realise that we don’t have a TV at home and I don’t watch movies. I’m fed up of the stereotype of Lubavitch being not as frum.
Someone recently told me that she would never be religious because religious people steal and cheat. She had an unfortunate encounter with such a ‘religious’ person, but that does not mean that religious people cheat. there are plenty that do but that is their personal weakness which they slip up on. Religion in fact condemns the cheating.
People seem to have a similar perception of Chabad. Some Lubavitchers- self included- do things against the Lubavitch ethos.
Many people benchmark their religious standards by the color or length of a skirt and Chabad doesn’t confirm to those benchmarks. However having been in both a Yeshivish and Chabad environment, it seems to me that Yeshivish girls dress very frum and aidel. They are very tznius and aidel but that is where the focus of their Yiddishkeit is. Lubavitchers dress much more chilled but we don’t portray our whole frumkeit by meticulously following Rac Falk’s book! from what I’ve seen my Lubavitch friends are usually more careful with Kashrus, learning, going to Shul on Shabbos, Davening, and countless other Mitzvos…
TRS, if you think that by helping another Jew you can’t be frum, Can I suggest that you look through Parshas Kedoshim of Chumash Vayikra. You might be surprised.
To my dear friends Larry and Phil (two sexy tag names if I ever heard them:
On this week before Rosh Hashana and on behalf of my sweet, SINCERE (yes, you heard it right) Chasidish cousins and friends, your comments are stereotypical and hopelessly inaccurate.
(“many are fakers, “I doubt any Chasidim today are Chassid.”) Find some hope in your fellow Jew, maybe hook up with a Lubavitcher for a day or something.
To Hesh, I’m surprised you didn’t mention the “Seforim Room.” It is usually located to the left when you enter a frummy’s Lakewood or Monsey McMansion(usually Misnaged thing). Big executive mahogany desk, many Seforim shelves behind it, the domain of the man of the house only. Any home without it is just not competitively frummy.
To my dear friends Larry and Phil (two sexy tag names if I ever heard them:
On this week before Rosh Hashana and on behalf of my sweet, SINCERE (yes, you heard it right) Chasidish cousins and friends, your comments are stereotypical and hopelessly inaccurate.
(“many are fakers, “I doubt any Chasidim today are Chassid.”) Find some hope in your fellow Jew, maybe hook up with a Lubavitcher for a day or something.
To Hesh, I’m surprised you didn’t mention the “Seforim Room.” It is usually located to the left when you enter a frummy’s Lakewood or Monsey McMansion(usually Misnaged thing). Big executive mahogany desk, many Seforim shelves behind it, the domain of the man of the house only. Any home without it is just not competitively frummy.
To my dear friends Larry and Phil (two attractive tag names if I ever heard them:
On this week before Rosh Hashana and on behalf of my sweet, SINCERE (yes, you heard it right) Chasidish cousins and friends, your comments are stereotypical and hopelessly inaccurate.
(“many are fakers, “I doubt any Chasidim today are Chassid.”) Find some hope in your fellow Jew, maybe hook up with a Lubavitcher for a day or something.
To Hesh, I’m surprised you didn’t mention the “Seforim Room.” It is usually located to the left when you enter a frummy’s Lakewood or Monsey McMansion(usually Misnaged thing). Big executive mahogany desk, many Seforim shelves behind it, the domain of the man of the house only. Any home without it is just not competitively frummy.
ok, so my comment kept getting chewed up until I decided to substitute “attractive” for “sexy”. Interesting.
Oh and even though I am not thin and loooove food and even though I was brought up in a black hat home, I have no understanding of the obssession with “Shabbos Party.” We do allow our kids to take a snack on Shabbos, but we only began offering an occasional official “Shabbos Party” with all the official outlay of cash for horrible candies when my kids got old enough to have friends over, friends who would “politely” ask “When is Shabbos Party?” What in G-d’s name is wrong with these people stuffing their kids relentlessly with candy? Shabbos is cool enough without the jawbreakers, you know. Maybe that’s because we allow our kids to change into Dockers in the afternoon and play ball (GOYIM!).
Differences between Frummy Chassidim and Frummy Misnagdim:
Frummy Chasidim will build elaborate wooden Sukkahs with elaborate Shlock systems on precariously built porches on the sides of cliffs, Misnagdim will hire a “Bochur” to put up their prefab Sukkah on their custom deck a Sunday afternoon.
Frummy Chasidish mothers will be ironing shirts, curling multiple peyos with hair curlers, and touching up their woodwork (seriously), while fresh Cokosh cake is baking on Erev Yom Tov while Frummy Misnagdisher women are in the kitchen making multiple salads with things like craisins or hearts of palm or shopping for a last minute pair of designer shoes to wear on Yom Tov.
Frummy Chasidish men have kick-behind Simchas Beis Hashoevahs that go way into the night with real liquor and bad music, Frummy Yeshivish men have dishes to wash.
Frummy Chasidish families load their 15 kids and coolers stuffed with Heimish food and NOSH into large vans and go to places like the Bronx Zoo on Chol Hamoed, Frummy Yeshivish men will be found learning in the large Hotel Sukkah where their wealthy father-in-law is holding court while their kids tear apart the game room in the lobby. Frummy Chasidish men have Hakafos on Simchas Torah that last a lifetime, Yeshivish frummy men time each Hakafa (really!) so they end at an “appropriate time.”
Chasidish frummy men have constant tish at the Rebbe, Yeshivish frummy men pray for a Shalom Zachor.
And so on…
The frummy types have made it a mitzvah to buy expensive leather European shoes for their children – starting from little toddlers, and not just for Shabbos, but weekdays, too. It’s a mitzvah – my kid’s Shabbos shoes cost more than yours – so we’re honoring the Shabbos more than you. And for weekdays – well, every Jewish child is the son or daughter of the King. And does a king’s daugher wear Payless? I don’t think so.
I believe there is a direct connection with how messy a house is and how frum the family is.
Can you determine who’s Yeshivish from how and what time of night people say selichos?
Mochalatte,
The reason people might perceive Lubavitchers as being “less frum” in some areas is simple. If you are a shliach in a remote area where most Jews are not frum, chances are that most congregants of your Chabad house drive to shul on Shabbos, dress less tznius, etc. I saw this when I lived in Texas, the modern orthodox shul was perceived as being more frum than Chabad.
Utubefan,
I know plenty of Lubavitchers. I went to Tomchei Tmimim for 12 years, still live in the “hood” and my kids go there too. I’ve unfortunately seen/know more “real fakers” than “real chassidim”. Most others fall in between these two extremes, unless your version of a chassid is determined by the brand of chicken one eats or by the brand of his hat.
Fact is that Lubavitch stands for great ideals according to what we are supposed to be.
If one is going to preach and portray themselves as a chassid of the Rebbe, they better act like one in their everyday observance and interaction with others. All it takes is one faker/thief with a beard, to chase away a potential BT from yiddishkeit forever, as mentioned by Mochalatte. Hypocrites are even worse, such as the people that preach against TV’s, then have one hidden in their closets.
Shabbos Parties rock, but I only saw them at my cousins in Monsey as a kid. It was also the only time we got to eat frummy candy- because in Manhattan there were really no frummy stores that sold Blooms and Paskez.
this is going to be fun! how about number of kids? if you don’t have at least 5 by the time you’re 27 i don’t think you should qualify. how could you have a frummie house without naked babies being cared for by their 10-year-old sisters while Mamma slaves over her schoolwork and makes dinner?
tesyaa, that’s true about the shoes. They refer to the shoes by the European brand name. “I just got Shprintzy a pair of Rafellos for $50!” I have no idea what they are talking about. And we do shop at Payless.
Oh, Hesh and anyone else living in a “frummy” neighborhood, I have a question for you:
Have you been getting annoying recorded sales calls from frummy stores and frummy Chinese Auctions and Shiurim? Are these calls going to the entire area including the non-Frum or are they targeting us somehow? Also, when will it stop?
Mocha Latte: You misread what I said. I wrote that Lubavitchers are too busy helping other Jews to be “Frummy” L’malyusa, and as a joke. We don’t have time for all the stupidity, because we’re too busy doing Mivtzoyim. Happy?
Does anybody remember those colored candy dots you’d bite off the paper? We used to have them for Shabbos parties til my mom got into health food…
Speaking of which I wonder why so little emphasis is put on healthy eating for kids…
TRS gotcha:) Sorry for the misunderstanding!
You kids, with your schoolyard name-calling… it cracks me up in a nauseating sort of way.
Mocha Latte those are button candies
You should do a post on washing cups.
Frummy houses don’t have pictures of anything but rebbes on the walls. Maybe some of the kids. And nothing written in English.
Viewers discretion advised. It’s frum erotica.
http://hydepark.hevre.co.il/topic.asp?topic_id=2473178&forum_id=17973
Just saw this post. You should do an updated version. Maybe compare the craziness of frummies in 2008 compared to now.