Miss Borough Park Pagent

I thought about this post while writing the investigative piece about Sarah Palin being Jewish.

I wonder what a Miss Lakewood or Miss Monsey competition would look like. What would the format be? Obviously only married women would be allowed, or is it not so obvious? After all I can only imagine that instead of a bikini contest they would have a tznius contest. You know almost the opposite, who could look the hottest without looking like a sheitle hooker. Or who could make the oiliest kugel? It would be interesting I say. Or maybe they could have a frummy Ironman competition. Hmm…what would that look like?

Miss Lakewood or Monsey or Borough Park

Beauty Portion:

Best Sheitle

Thickest stockings

Shortest real hair

Most tznius skirt

Prepared for the time when the Rabbis make burqa’s the norm

Most aerodynamic turban

Sloppiest snood

Frumpiest shabbos robe

Bulletproof bra

Cooking:

Oiliest kugel or keegel depending on the location of the competition

Thickest most heart stopping cholent

Battle of the hemishe noodle dishes Shlishkes vs. Kasha Varnishkes vs. Luction Kugel

Water Challah vs. Egg

Who can make the fluffiest kenaidlach

Halacha

Which women will have the fastest and most strict lettuce washing techniques

Who can actually get all the bugs out of a broccoli floret

Mikvah dunking efficiency

Knowledge of the nidah laws

Who knows the last 5 items to be banned by the Rabbis?

Do you interrupt your shmona esray if your child is screaming?

Do you know the latest chumros of the community? (such as a ban on arm swigning by women in Lakewood)

Good deeds:

How many shidduchim have you made?

Have you ever yelled at someone who was not dressed appropriately?

Do you support at least one kollel family?

If you lived in Israel would your kids participate in shabbos riots?

Skills:

Driving skills including, double and triple parking, picking up hitchhikers and the speed with which you can get your kids out of the car.

Wash and set sheitle

How fast can you fill up a shopping cart at the local kosher grocery?

Can you talk on the phone, pay for your groceries and play Jewish geography with the person behind you in line? (general rude yenta skills as well)

Questions: (to saving the whales or world peace being big issues)

What do you think is the biggest problem facing yiddishkeit today?

What is your solution?

What 3 items would you like to see banned in the coming months?

What are some questions you have come up with that should be included in the shidduchim investigation process?

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