I must admit, I am a wannabe Jewish redneck, I love driving shirtless, windows down, country music blaring while I listen to the small stones of the dirt road hitting the bottom of my car. I would rather cook my food on a small camp stove next to my sleeping bag at a rest area then shack up in a cheap motel, and I have this fascination with trailer parks- like how cozy would it be to get married and live in one. Of course my dreams of jacked up trucks for offroading are gone due to gas prices- but I can still hold on to dreams.
Then I went to friends Moshe and Tamar who live on a hilltop over the green line called “Hilltop 468″ I love the name- it has a great ring to it, kind of like having a prison ID number, but best of all, its a way for me to finally be an actual member of redneck society. You see in Israel they have tons of rednecks or white trash- but they aren’t looked down upon, in fact they are respected by me and many others, for they are called settlers.
Hilltop 468 is probably one of the windiest places I have ever been to, and it smells like the high desert of Montana, all it is missing are howling coyotes, but don’t worry- settlers in these parts have a fascination with loud dogs.
At Hilltop 468 the only thing from stopping you from being a full fledged redneck is the fact you can’t just start shooting your gun at things. I wish you could, because all the men just wear their guns like a women would wear a purse. There are also plenty of things to shoot at, abandoned cars, old water towers and wadis two thousand feet below.
You know how in America they talk about kids running around with shoes? Well at Hilltop 468 they run around naked or in their diapers, and when they need to make pee pee- they can just go on the lawn- my kind of place.
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What a thing to convince the regular city Joe to move to Israel! I can imagine it now, people will be flocking in to get a chance at the redneck lifestyle.
“but they aren’t looked down upon”
actually the settlers are demonized along with the haredim by other israelis.
“when they need to make pee pee- they can just go on the lawn”
my son wanted to pee from the manhattan bridge when we walked across last week
Where is this place Im signing up.
“I would rather cook my food on a small camp stove next to my sleeping bag…”
Here I detect a false note: a real redneck puts the stove on the sleeping bag. Setting it near the bag points to some softness.
Snoopy: Keeps you warm on cold winter nights
I have a friend you have to meet, but he lives in LA. We used to drive his minivan up to the mountains outside Agoura Hills and practice target shooting with his rifle. You guys are very similar, hes crazy into biking and off-roading as well.
Having spent the first half of my life in Southern Missouri in the Ozarks, visiting Silver Dollar City monthly to get tin-types and visit my grandparents in the woods out in redneck country, I can proudly say I have no desire to live a redneck lifestyle.
But good for you!
I’ve stayed on that hilltop before, with Tamar and Moshe. You summed it up pretty well, especially the part about kids running around naked.
B”h
Dude,
1. Let’s not forget the other redneck you could’ve visited. Ask your buddy Rocky. We’re pretty nuts, but throw concerts every Motza”Sh.
2. No such thing as a green line. I’ve never seen it. It doesn’t exist. If you’re using such lingo for so called clarity, may I suggest that you put it in parenthesis, so that you’re not inadvertently perpetuating the misguidance of Jews. It’s called the Judean Hills, or the territory of Yehudah.
3. Did you bring your bike?
4. Since I always have to be different, I don’t have a gun. I’m saving up for a cross-bow.
5. Will the term “trailer trash” have new meaning for you now?
Love the settlers. Admire and respect them.
I wish I had my bike, I love the riding in Israel- its awesome.
Next time I come to Israel which looks like it may be sooner then I thought I will come visit you Yaakov.
I am a jewish redneck. Grew up non-frum in Indiana, was a boyscout and know how to fix things. I have a pickup truck, fishing boat, and lots of guns. Jewish rednecks exist, you just have to get away from new york and the east coast to find us.
I used to think Souther rednecks were bad. Well, after my car broke down in Schenectady, NY (or whatever the hell the name of that hellhole is) and my car had to be fixed by some inbred family of mechanics, I gained some respect for Souther rednecks. At least they have some culture.
So, I guess if Israeli rednecks can beat the Southern ones (I wouldn’t mess with any Russian white trash though), I could live with that…
Southern, I mean. Gone spilled some ketchip on me keyburd again…
Schenectady is so not redneck- its ghetto, but very far from redneck. All the NY rednecks exists in the northern counties on the St Lawrence or in the Southern Tier.
Schenectady being redneck means you must be from Brooklyn or something
Boston, actually.
Maybe it was that particular family.
B”H
No pressure. You should only come if you think you’re going to have a good time.
In our mostly Hebrew speaking town, you do have a couple of fans, one from Flatbush, one from LI.
They appreciate offerings of whisky.
BTW, do you know how to milk a goat?
being a redneck wannabe myself, I know how that must have felt.
I dont know why, but i heard this song a couple of times this weekend and thought it was a new song but i see its pretty old. its from Joe Diffie. Great song if you like country/redneck songs. Here are the lyrics of from the chorus:
“Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die
Lord, I wanna go to heaven but I don’t wanna go tonight
Fill my boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in my hand
Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die”
You gotta love this song.
Glad to see you back, Hesh.
Ok Joe Diffie rocks- that song you mentioned is great- also John Deere Green, She thinks my tractors sexy and Third Rock from the Sun.
Hiemishe glad to see you back- I am posting like nuts from now on. No more breaks besides weekends
Awesome. Every state has it’s share of rednecks and white trash, and hillbillies, and every combo in-between. I’ve heard said by a freind of mine here in Kentucky that Upstate New York has some of the meanest and toughest rednecks around…I grew up on Long Island, but my mother’s family is from Upstate. I think my Kentucky freind who happens to be Sicilian, born and raised in Kentucky of all places….should know what he’s talkin about, because the entire state of Kentucky is hillbilly/redneck. So if a Kentuckian says that New York State is redneck, that’s a compliment!