A buddy and mine were talking about last weeks bathroom post over shabbos and he mentioned the three S rule of shidduch dating which was S–t, shower and shave. Then of course the conversation turned to the embarrassing event of having to go to the bathroom for a prolonged period of time on a shidduch date. What’s a guy or girl to do?
Do you just go to the bathroom and not say anything?
Do you say exactly what your going to do? (no you don’t tell them whether you sit or stand to wipe)
Do you say you need to use the bathroom and “may” be a while?
Do you say that you have an important phone call?
Do you hold it in and pray?
Do you wear diapers on dates?
Talking about the bathroom is untznius- and you just get up and say your getting some drinks, and upon returning you say the line was long or someone tried to rob the bar.
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Oh, I was looking at it from the angle of having a good excuse to end a date that’s probably not going anywhere to begin with. You say it’s shidduch style, she better get used to waiting while you unleash the sh-t sharks, things don’t change after the wedding.
Talking about the bathroom may be untznius, but leaving a date wondering if you had such a lack of manners that they’ve been ditched is another story entirely. I have no experience with this situation. If I were in that situation, I’d probably hope I had my purse and phone with me (okay, I just realized there’s a reason why I should always bring my purse to the restroom with me, and that’s it) so I could text my date that I needed to attend a private meeting (or something? and would be back in a few minutes). If he didn’t have a phone on him, I guess I’d be SOL. If the evening was going to be shot and I knew it, I’d probably say something about having an upset stomach and hope to reschedule, if it was going well, otherwise.
I’m impressed. I had no idea that you were concerned with Tznius.
If I were a woman I would always carry escape cash on a date.
I wonder where the conversation would veer after a long bathroom break.
“are you ok?”
Yeh must have been something I ate
“uh but we didn’t eat anything”
Yeh I ate right before so I shouldn’t waste too much money on the date.
Or another scenario
“long line eh?”
Nah I had to drop a deuce like you have never seen.
lol (in my office, no less; nice!) Escape cash/plastic should go without saying.
I learned about escape cash the hard way…Calling friend from the bathroom of a crappy (no pun intended) chinese restaurant in Brooklyn after my date started telling me about how he talks to spiders and they answer him.
Aw, for $%^ sake, you gotta hear this one.
On my first “Shidduch” date ever, I needed to take a wizzle big time and we were strolling in Battery Park.
I used a $%^^& Porta-Potty. Sheesh, it gets no more embarrasing than that.
Not that I’ve ever dated, but I recently had the oppurtunity to examine dating couples (in a Jerusalem hotel lobby), and it seemed to me that all the girls took long breaks in the middle, presumably to chat to each other in the bathroom, which of course is what the guys were doing back in the lobby.
Aaahhh! A spelling mistake! The horrors!!
Wow, y’all really dont date much do you?
Chris – the art of shidduch dating is extremely different from that of just dating. its more like interviewing a person for the position of marriage, which therefore makes things like bathroom breaks awkward. in a job interview, if you had to go, what would you do? you’d go before, you wouldnt want to lose the job, now, would you?
maybe shidduch dating is more science than art?!
And then there are people like me, who have never shidduch-dated, but are just losers/relatively new to dating observant people.
s(b) i never did the shidduch dating thing till after my divorce….so it seems i am more of a newbie to it than you.
and let me tell you second time around is probably worse than first time……oy vey.
One time I really had to go and we were walking down the west side bike path in Manhattan as we passed a dumpster I told me date I needed to go real bad, she didn’t like that and said it was offensive- it was real bad- I also realized we could never be a couple-
I also usually reject a girl after I learn they don’t go to the bathroom in the woods- red flags go a flying.
In the non frum world this is simple, just handle it like a gentleman. How about “I’m terribly sorry, but would you please excuse me for a few minutes? Something seems to have disagreed with me.” or the like. Speak to her respectfully, let her know that you recognize that you are inconveniencing her by making her wait for you, etc.
Either that or just give a big smile and say “Ya know I ate a vegetarian burrito the size of my head for breakfast and now I gotta pay the price, back in a bit babe”. Either way, its all good. If she’s cool, she’ll understand.
For women, you could say anything from “I’ve got to powder my nose” to quoting an algebra text, it doesnt matter. Men are accustomed to women taking long unexpected trips to the toilet. Thats just how it is.
You know I think those long expected trips are because women hold in their farts so much and have to pay the price of it. I think its a myth that they are in their powedering their noses- we know its a diarrhea festival similar to that scene from Harold and Kumar
hesh
Sh!! dont give away our secrets!!!!
Hadassah, I am with you. Shidduch dating post-divorce is pretty bad. Not that it was so wonderful the first time around either! (But I got a sub-par score on the shidduch test, so mayeb it is me…)
Although, thankfully, I do not think I ever had the bathroom issue being discussed.
If I found out a guy couldn’t handle going to the bathroom outdoors, that would totally be a red flag. ‘Cause, um, that would make us hashkafically incompatible.
Seeking sjm not afraid to put the deuce in hisbodedus. (I wouldn’t write an ad that way, I just made myself laugh, so I figured I’d share.) (yes, I know what hashkafa means.)
LMAO at that line SB woa that is amazing I may have to use that one.
Meira – i think the test is rigged. somehow i got below par also, and i know i am so above par its just not normal!
Hadassah, I agree. The test is so rigged. Perhaps we are so far above par that the test cannot properly measure it?
I dated one guy that would excuse himself for about 15 minutes to use the bathroom (I really hope that’s what he was doing).
Hesh, girls don’t fart! Where’d you get that idea?
tell him or her ur going to be a lil while and dont come looking for u. bec one time on a shidduch date i told the guy i was gonna use the bathroom and bec i didnt take 2 secs to take a wizz he freaked out and came looking for me. i said just how old do u think i am? oh and eventually i made him cry… that didnt last too long.
Don’t tell her anything, aside of asking for the location of the bathroom. While there, pray loudly for all to hear and, after returning, explain that this is your special time for a prayer…
It can’t have but a positive effect.
Oh, and if she understands men she will know that for us a bathroom visit is 20 min. at least. If she doesn’t you’ll have to ditch her anyhow.
I gotta say, I’ve had several unplanned bathroom breaks while dating. Everytime the girl was really cool about it and understood. We’re all human…
Gotta drop the cosby kids off at the pool.
gotta make a sacrifice to the porcelain god.
gotta make some cholent.
gonna make something that will make charoses look like a delicacy
Why not just tell the young woman that you have to use the bathroom? I remember I once took a young woman on a date, and after we had both eaten our meals, I realized I was ravenous, and I asked her if I could please order a second meal for myself, or if she would mind having to sit there watching me eat. She said she didn’t mind, so I ordered a second meal (of course, I offered to pay for anything else she might have wanted to order for herself), and I ate it, during which time she sat there, eating nothing, just talking to me. It seemed to work out; she let me keep taking her out for a few more weeks until we decided we didn’t see a relationship developing. My point is, why not just be honest and direct?