Just got this Shidduch Resume via email

Received via email from someone who wished to remain anonymous:

I must be living under a rock. A friend just told me that girls are now drafting “resumes” for Shadchanim. The Shadchanim then send a batch of resumes to parents of guys and then they select the girl that their “Best Guy in Lakewood Sons” will go out with. Obviously troubling and appalling on a variety of levels. Much akin to someone looking through the rib steaks at the meat counter at Seven Mile Market looking for the best one to bring home for dinner.

In any event, there is this girl that I know who is in need of a shidduch. Please feel free to pass along her resume (attached) or say Tehillim for her–whatever you think would be more successful. (I’m not doing this for the commission, so please drag into a new email rather than just clicting “Forward”.)
Tizku l’mitzvot.

Bracha Leah Stern
11 Kew Gardens
Lakewood, New Jersey
732-363-6214

[email protected]

Summary and Personal

Date of Birth: 3-4-1989

Yichus:
Father is a yeshiva educated day trader who learns two daily sedarim in BMG; has been previously investigated by FBI for fraud but never did any jail time; big baal tzedaka who has been honored by BMG twice; mother is a retired BY teacher; youngest child with four brothers and 11 sisters all living off of the Lakewood General Fund and mechutanim from Brooklyn; other pedigree relatively clean, except for a 4th cousin, once removed who attended YU and is now a successful Ophthalmologist in Teaneck

Parents looking for: solid learner from Brisk or Lakewood with neither a history of college nor foreseeable parnassa plans who will sit in Kollel indefinitely; she is looking for the same; father willing to support 10 years @$75k per year, pending no stays in Otisville

Appearance: dark hair with standard BY hairstyle; 5’4” with dress Size 2 (Mother’s size after her seventh child: Size 8

Shadchan: Mrs. Goldberg of Lakewood (25% commission)

Dating History:
has gone out a few times with no measurable success; feedback from Mrs. Goldberg points to her having the charisma of a carrot

Photo:
yearbook picture available if requested through Torah channels

Education

K-12:
Bais Yaakov of Lakewood

Seminary: BJJ

Post-Seminary: Online program to obtain teaching certificate from Torah Umesorah

Work Experience

1996-1998: Counselor in several backyard camps in Brooklyn and Lakewood

2006-2008: Teacher’s aide in BY of Lakewood

Hanhagos and Opinions Checklist (Based on Interview with Shadchan)

Tehillim: completes Sefer once a week while standing in line at Jewish stores

Mother’s use of Sabbath Mode oven:
not any more

Posek: Rav C. Kanievsky or Rav Elyashiv if his line is busy

Internet: only with Torahnet filter on Tati’s business computer

Use of a community Eruv: never (she’s looking for a Brisker, remember?!)

Indian Hair Sheitels: only if on sale

Seat Belt Use: No, unless pulled over by a female Police Officer

Hobbies: reading Artscroll biographies, Yated, Hamodia, and Mishpacha; challah baking; asking shailos to Gedolim about her shidduch difficulties

Her Preferred Dating Venue: Airport lounges without visible TV monitors

Boys She Would Not Date: guys without BTEP (behind-the-ear-peyos), BT’s, OTD’s who have straightened out; guys whose Rabbeim believe that the Universe may be older than 5768 years old; guys who read Making of a Gadol or any of Slifkin’s books

Ideal Wedding: Chossen and Kallah adopt demeanor combining themes of Tisha B’Av and Yom Kippur; eyes-closed Tehillim throughout ceremony; kibbudim called up in Yiddish; separate everything including parking areas; Simchas Chossen V’Kallah at 10:30 PM; no Onlysimchas posting

Shabbos Table: White table cloth, no plastic covers, no ground beef or plate scraping at the table

Would be willing to live in: Lakewood, Brooklyn, Monsey, Passaic (or Baltimore for a few years)

Music Preferences: Yeshiva Boys Choir; no more Lipa, Schwecky, or Carlebach

Ideal Chesed Opportunities: helping put out cold beer and cholent at neighborhood Shalom Zachars; assisting with mass mailings from Oorah and Kupat Hair

68 comments for “Just got this Shidduch Resume via email

Leave a Reply