Its been a long time since I came up up with a really good BT post- hope you enjoy!
This post is about real BT’s, not folks like me who grew up watching the A-team on shabbos afternoon when my dad was learning at shul, or my friends who have given up treife food and strip clubs for a pious life as a modern orthodox singles on the upper west side. I am talking about those of you that found the path while at a Young Judea event or after a life changing Birthright trip or even while being paid to attend an on campus Aish class. (I hear they pay $400, not bad!)
They start to talk during shul:
This is how the whole topic came about; someone mentioned that BT’s tend to be silent during davening, while their so called frum brethren are yapping away around the bima or to their friends in the pews, you FFB’s are pathetic!
They begin to listen to secular music again:
How many BT’s have I met that the first thing they did was to throw out all their CD’s and stop listening to goyishe music. Then all the sudden their days at Aish or Chabad are in the rear view mirror and they regret throwing out all their hard to find 80s hair metal.
They start visiting their parents again:
You know those folks that flip out and decide that talking with and visiting their parents too much leads to too many arguments. So they decide to just make up excuses when thanksgiving rolls around and then they try and convince the parents to kasher their house to which the father starts yelling about the ways he’s going to kill his son or daughter. When the transition happens and suddenly you are thrust into frumkeit- you realize how stupid and wimpy you were and suck it up with buying some plastic wear and telling your folks where to buy kosher food for you when you do come home. I almost feel like they should teach classes in all BT programs on how to deal with your parents who are usually not happy about the idea of their sons and daughters joining a cult.
They start to daven a normal looking shmona esray:
You can always spot a BT in shull be merely measuring who bows the farthest during shmona esray and who clops their chest like a hungry caveman during silach lanu.
They can follow along in davening:
You can always spot a BT looking over your shoulder at the page number, trying desperately to follow along during slichos (its hopeless folks slichos was made to confuse you) BT’s also rarely do the whole middle finger as a bookmark thing, but when they graduate beyond BT status they gain the skills necessary to follow along in random shuls without their specific transliterated siddurs. They can bust out the page on cue and they don’t have to strain their peripheral vision to see what page you are on.
They wear normal tzitzis:
Tzitzis are a dead BT giveaway, just look for the blue strands, or someone wearing jeans and a T-shirt with big woolen tzitzis. When they make the switch they discover that regular old v-neck tzitzis were just as good the whole time, and that tucking in the tzitzis will not detract from their frumkeit.
They begin to mumble their brachos:
At first they actually say brachos how they are supposed to be said, then suddenly it becomes habit and second nature- and it sounds like a jumbling rather then a prayer, this is unfortunate by the way- because I wish my brachos sounded like thanks instead of “get out of my lane”.
Jewish Geography becomes possible: you did your time in Israel, hung out in Ohr Someyach in Monsey or maybe with the Lubbies in Morristown. At first you were at a loss- only knowing the 3 Jews in your high school class of 1600. Now you got game, you know every kiruv Rabbi in the lower 48 and in Europe, you have stayed at multiple families throughout your BT tenure and you can finally pitch in your two cents when Jewish Geography comes up, and it will, at pretty much every Jewish meal.
They start admitting that they weren’t frum at some point in their lives:
Prior to the switch you were what I have termed as BT deniers (BT’s who deny they ever ate non-kosher, listened to secular music, or any other number of non-frum things) Then all of the sudden they have cast off the BT shell and become a regular old frummy, you start to admit that you really could go for a the Wendys chicken parm sub, or that girl named Mackenzie whats her name, and you would really love to see Ozfest this year. Before your transition you would have kept these thoughts inside- but now they are out there in the open. (doesn’t it feel great to out of the BT closet?)
Random thoughts:
They stop saying L’chaim during the “savrie merunan” part of Kiddush
Their yarmulke sizes are reduced significantly.
The inside of their tefilin straps change from white to brown.
They learn how to lead benching correctly, prior to this they would have busted out a “Raboty Mir Velen Benchen” clearly giving away their back round to strangers.
They start using incoherent terms like gut yuntif, gut vuch, shkoyach, boruchshmo, etc…
During shul they start to do those half bows during modim and boruch hu.
They stay sitting during kadesh and other random times when half the people sit or stand.
They learn how to nod their greetings instead of actually saying them.
They begin busting out the shortened versions of shabbos and yom tov kiddush.
They start eating food which many BT’s cringe at such as cholent, gefilte fish and chopped liver.
A short glossary for terms in the post (I may make this a habit)
BT = Baal Teshuva, someone who grew up irreligious and became an orthodox Jew along the way.
FFB = Frum From Birth – someone who is grew up orthodox
Frum is the Yiddish term for pious and is used as the primary term for orthodox within the Jewish community.
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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
Breaths sign of relief, I have been waiting patiently on the sidelines while you get your feminist views out of way wondering when you would bust something like this out.
So happy you did- just felt like I had to comment and tell what an AWESOME and long awaited post this was.
Thanks, I still have it in me- this is based on an older post, and lately I have been going back and trying to improve and expand on already written ideas. I personally think you folks have taken to the whole idea of random posts about issues across a wide variety of spectrums.
It’s like a knife through my heart each time, it’s not all the sudden or all of the sudden.
All of A sudden
All of A sudden
All of A sudden.
You made my day with this post. Thanks
Oh no the grammar police are back- I thought I got rid of you people.
This blog should be promoted as an excellent source of tips for prospective BTs and converts on how to cut to the chase and calm down.
Myself, I stick strictly to just enough Yiddish references to get a rise out of my mother-in-law because the look she gets when she hears something no one has said to her since she was a teen is priceless.
That would be a great mastercard commercial. Your mother in law shepping nachas because you speak yiddish, priceless.
Oh the stories that we could tell.
Sorry, but I just need to take a second to complain about MO people …
What’s up with some of the young people and Ivrit? It’s like they want off to Israel for a year and went crazy. If you say good shabbes, they retort with the most deigning “Shabbat Shalom.” Yuntif became “Chag” and chulent is “Chamin.”
That’s not the grammar police, that’s the sound like you have command of the English language police. It wasn’t me, but I second that motion. You represent a lefter shade of O, somewhere, to someone, and [what is a Jew] on another level, at all times. Might as well sound literate while you’re doing so.
All of a sudden
background (not back round)
Nothing else springs to mind, right now.
((Please Army))
Nemo, speaking only for myself, my shabbat shalom never deigns. Chamin? Please, don’t squeeze the Chamin! lol What is that, s’fardi chulent? I thought only ashkenazim would eat something so brown. (I’m both, and I don’t eat it, regardless of what it’s called. Potted beans in brown ick makes me run.)
I agree with you Nemo, I am sick of all the sufs being changed to tufs- we must put an end to this madness.
You pretty much nailed it.
Older male BT’s lack the noticeable “kiddush belly”.
It aint from kiddush honey- its from too many hours in front of the TV ahem, I mean the gemara.
–I agree with you Nemo, I am sick of all the sufs being changed to tufs- we must put an end to this madness.–
start writing all of a sudden and background
and I’ll start changing my tafs to sufs. lol
A great BT post thanks.
In other words a BT becomes officially “frum” when they start becoming more lax in their observance? If true, that’s very sad.
When a BT first enters observance, there’s an isarusa dlaila (awakening from above) which spurs them to action. Hashem lends us inspiration with little to no work on our part. But if its not followed by an isirusa dltata (an awakening from below, which takes alot of working on yourself) that energy will not last and pretty soon shacharis, for example, becomes a routine recitation to get out of the way, rather than the main part of every day.
About the tzitzis changes- based on the examples I’ve seen, I beg to differ. Especially seeing as I’m FFB and I have “blue” tzitzis.
As far as switching from “suf” to “tuf”, for some kids it’s the opposite! Some people were taught “tuf” in school and then return from Israel saying “suf”. Occasionally they’ll slip up and others will jokingly make note of it.
Oh, and chamin is not cholent! Ashkenazim and Sefardim should take pride in their heritage!
HESH:
i think you are wrong about the tzitzit
PLEASE:
“All of A sudden”
i think you mean “All of a sudden”
(alert: kettle calling the pot black)
S(B):
i don’t eat too much chulent either. as far as i am concerned, this is peasant food. people couldn’t afford a real meal, so they took whatever the local staple was (hence the different varieties based on where you are from of potatoes, beans, barley, etc.), threw in a piece of fatty meat and wallah . . . lunch.
today it’s a delicacy. strange. i think we can afford better.
NEMO:
usually i see the opposite happening and taf become saf (along with a general disregard of even disdain for the grammatical component of hebrew pronunciation)
Lion: potkettleblack you — not wallah, but voila (with an accent grave over the a). I make the same observation you just did to Nemo. Well-said!
haha! my hubbie is not a BT but still says rabotay mir velen…
it never hit m how messed up that sounds until you pointed it out.
“wallah” – when oh when did that become a term in English? shaking my french speaking head in amazement.
hesh – great post!
“The inside of their tefilin straps change from white to brown.” That was completely hilarious and ingenious! My favorite one!
I truly regret throwing out some great music. I also cut up a lot of photos I shouldn’t have
eh, not funny, not true
I BT’ed before most of you were born.
In my neck of the woods, the “who knows how many generation” Israeli FFB kids bow lower, doven longer and have paot you can wrap around a big present!
the “raboysi mir velen benchen” comment brought up memories from my days at bnei akiva camp
their two versions that i remember (and you have to say them out loud as if you were sayin rabotai nevaraich….)
“Rubber tires never break….”
“Rub my thigh with rake”
Hadassha did you click on the link that Rabosy mir velen links to>?
most applies not just to BTs but to FFB MO’s who flipped in Israel. can tell you from (too much) experience
great post – right on!
s(b.) you made me laugh, and you reminded me of an old classic country song titled “Please dont squeeze my Sharmon”, by Charlie Walker
The lyrics of the chorus goes like this:
“Please don’t squeeze my Sharmon …
Don’t hold her so tight …
You’d best heed my warnin’ …
It’s the last one to- night …
She’s soft and she’s gentle …
And sweet as can be …
And if Sharmon needs squeezin’ …
Then leave that to me. ”
Yeah, I know, I have a crazy taste in “goyishe” music
Don’t worry Heimishe I have a whole bunch of Johnny Horton and Merle Haggard on my Ipod
oh, and I am the redneck… nice
nothing like true honky tonk music
better a red neck than a brown behind.
whoops, I thought we were in the toilet paper post. lol
Great post Hesh!
heshman AND heimish both like *real* country music? Sweet! But really I dont know which is more shocking to me… I guessed from reading here that heshman only listened to bad 80s hair metal and didnt imagine heimish listening to honky tonk at all. Far too secular and vulgar
Have either of y’all(1) checked Hank Williams III?
(1) I grew up in Texas, I have the right and to say “y’all”.
Chris_B I cannot believe you think I only listen to 80s hair metal. I thought I went on a couple of rants about the beauties of Jazz.
My favorite music is classic Jazz and super technical experimental Jazz. Funk, progressive guitar rock, oldies, gospel, anything Arabic, ska and jam bands all float my boat as well.
Hey Cris_B, I like alot of non-jewish music. But my real rebel days, as a teenager, started during the summer, when i was in the catskills, were the only station with good reception at my camp was WVOS, Mountain Country. I dont think i even understood the “whose bed have your boots been under” song, but i loved it.
But I have expanded my music taste to classic rock and some heavy metal. But never crossed the headbanger line, for lack of understanding the words. But i do enjoy, AC/DC, Guns N. Roses, Black Sabbath. OH How I wish Kurt Kobane never overdosed. Nirvana has the most heartfelt non-Jewish music ever.
Well thats what I get for asuming
heimish in bp,
The only thing that Kurt Kobane overdosed on was shotgun pellets
Lion of Zion:
I think that is what makes cholent great. Its a cultural remnant of all the poverty and suffering the Jews have experienced. And isn’t it “in” to go around the world trying to find the most realistic, hardy, traditional, poor man’s food?
What about Sefardim who become Lubavs -you wish them a Chag Sameach,they answer “Gut Yontiff!”
im pretty sure there isnt a chicken parmesan sub at wendys, i have much experience in that sector of the fast food industry, or say ‘had’
perfect
Great post! Years ago, in an attempt to become too frum way too fast, I dumped out most of my music collection (mostly classical, opera, etc.) because my rav seemed to believe that listening to goyishe music would “suck the neshamah” right out out of me. First went the oratorios and masses (like the Mozart Requiem–if you listen to that we all know you’ll become a Roman Catholic priest, naturally), then the operas, then some of the other stuff. Well, now about a decade later, I regret that decision as I ended up replacing most of the collection bit by bit. If you’re a “serious” music type, you can only get by for so long on what is typically available in the frum music world.
Great post, Hesh. As a BT who’s retained my entire record (that’s right, LP) collection, I’ve also done well buying albums that other BT’s have discarded at shul garage sales.
I may not listen to much of my rock music anymore, but I just like knowing it’s there.