I have been weeding out the handshake while living in Monsey most due to the fact that washing cups are the favorite sink companion here rather then soap like in normal places. For everyone else the handshake is the way to greet- oh I should preface this was from a mans perspective. I feel that all women really do to greet each other is scream OMG a million times followed by another OMG and screaming. Handshakes really don’t take place amongst frum women.
Dead Fish:
The most common of all handshakes in the frum community is affectionately known as the dead fish. For some reason the yeshiva crowd favors the dead fish, unless your of the larger big build variety then in which case you switch to the bone crusher- but I’ll get to that later. The dead fish can also be called the bionic hand- of Richard Kimble fame. It is usually given with a barely audible shalom aleichim. I have no idea why people do this handshake, it always feels like the hand is literally dead and just hanging without any nerves left in it.
The Double Pump:
This is a quick and easy way to hand shake, it is usually done by those folks who do everything in twos. You know the folks that greet you on shabbos with two good shabboses? Or the guys that say yuntiff-yuntiff in quick succession as they pass you. Well these folks do the double pump, which is always pretty firm, but a dead fish handshake would drown in the double pump.
Sideways and Firm:
This is the handshake of folks who think they are cool. Kind of like those gangsters that shoot hand guns sideways. These guys go in for the handshakes straight and suddenly switch it up with one of those sideways maneuvers, usually with a big smile plastered on their faces. This handshake is only done if the person is happy to see you.
Elbow Hold:
The elbow hold is seldom done in the frum community, it has a very country club WASPY feel to it and doesn’t really belong to frummies. With that said I have seen the elbow hold done by fancy lawyer types with white hair, and they probably play lots of golf at country clubs that didn’t allow Jewish members until the late 70’s. The elbow hold is very affectionate and at the same time, to me it seems like the person wants to borrow a hundred thousand bucks from you.
Bone Crusher:
Every shul has a known bone crusher, the big dude named Lenny or Sal who can turn your hand into chopped liver. You know the guy that always wants you to feel his muscles (well this was before I knew that child molesters existed) and he always says shake his hand and you oblige, because that’s the thing to do. Bone crushers are usually large lonely men for some reason, more often then not they wear hats with feathers in them and wear their pants too high.
The Fist:
The fist used to be the cool thing to do, but it quickly evolved into a way not to shake peoples hands who you witnessed picking their noses during the whole laining. In fact so many people think your trying to be cool its fun to fist (take your mind out of the gutter people) old guys because they always say “so this is how you kids do it these days”, to which I wish I could respond, I just didn’t feel like touching your gold digging hands buddy.
Hey let go my hand:
Have you ever tried to get away and still have your hand being grasped by some person usually a Rabbi. Rabbis love to grab hold and not let go until you have told them your lifer story. You can try and leave mid shake, and they will tighten their hold and say “hey I’m not done talking to you yet” and so you have to pry your hand back.
The Embrace:
Its part handshake, part embrace, I feel like this is done by people who are old acquaintances, not necessarily friends or maybe they don’t have time for the all out hug because they are in shul or something. This is also done by old Rabbis who kicked you out of yeshiva, I have seen it personally and wonder why these Rabbis are trying to be all chummy with you. Oh maybe because now that you have donation money available we have to let bygones be bygones.
Gang Banger:
You shake hands and then bump stomachs, cant really explain this one, but if you know what I am talking about maybe you can elaborate. This happens in the yeshiva rebel community quite a bit.
44 responses so far ↓
1 Chavi // Jun 17, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I’m not a big fan of the handshake because most people lack a firmness. The dainty hand drives me nuts.
But the fist pump: Wave of the future!
2 heshman // Jun 17, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Wasn’t the fist pump the sign of the Black Panthers?
3 Chavi // Jun 17, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I meant the … you know, the Obama-style fist bump. I meant bump. Not pump.
4 s(b.) // Jun 17, 2008 at 12:42 pm
gangbanger? looks more like Ren & Stimpy. I do the firm, job interview. (I shake hands w/men, too, usually for work or if I’m introduced for the first time. If I’m already friends w/someone, we usually hug, rather than shake hands.)
5 A23 // Jun 17, 2008 at 12:54 pm
“Take your mind out of the gutter people.” Sorry, but that was the funniest line in the article.
Black Panthers do a raised fist (as did the JDL a’h)
6 heshman // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:21 pm
A23 I thought so as well.
SB according to the book how to be a gentleman- you should only shake a womens hand if she offers it first.
7 Mikeinmidwood // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I usually give a firm handshake and some people look at me as if I am trying the bone crusher and ask is that all?
8 Hadassah // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:33 pm
i LOLd at the get your minds out of the gutter people!! up here in good old Quebec we are an equal opportunity double cheek kissing people. i always forget which cheek you are supposed to kiss first.
i hate handshakes - u never know where those hands have been. my boys have taught me various versions of the alternative fist bump. i do shake hands with men if they put their hands out first - i wont be rude
9 heshman // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I can just see this thread turning into an all out debate on whether it is proper to shake womens hands or not.
Does anyone know of the “gay handshake” where you tickle the other persons wrist with your finger.
10 s(b.) // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:38 pm
“SB according to the book how to be a gentleman- you should only shake a womens hand if she offers it first.”
Thanks. Next time I go cross-dressing (wait, I’m wearing pants right now), I’ll be sure and remember that. Actually, that is helpful information to know. Thank you. (seriously)
11 s(b.) // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:43 pm
–I can just see this thread turning into an all out debate on whether it is proper to shake womens hands or not.–
If I think a dude’s observant/has any clue what shomer negia is, I don’t offer my hand. If I can’t tell, I usually say something like, “If you shake women’s hands, I’d be glad to, but no worries if you don’t .”
–Does anyone know of the “gay handshake” where you tickle the other persons wrist with your finger.–
Have you been drinking Harriman Lake water? lol That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.
12 heshman // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I have definitely swallowed some Harriman lake water in my day
13 Meira // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Tickling the other person’s wrist with your finger? That’s just creepy.
14 heshman // Jun 17, 2008 at 1:58 pm
try it- it is hilarious!
15 Mikeinmidwood // Jun 17, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Never heard of it. sounds crazy
16 Mikeinmidwood // Jun 17, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I mean Creepy
17 Chavi // Jun 17, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Shake shake shake … shake shake shake … shake that hand. Shake that hand!!
18 Hadassah // Jun 17, 2008 at 2:33 pm
i agree with mike - CREEPY!!
19 Honestlyfrum // Jun 17, 2008 at 2:36 pm
What about the open hand shake?
20 Meira // Jun 17, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Yeah, somehow I think the hilarity of slippin’ a little wrist tickle into the handshake would be lost on most people in my community. Might be worth trying just to mess with them….Except I do hope to find a shidduch someday.
21 heshman // Jun 17, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Chavi- big Kc and the Sunshine band fan right here.
The wrist tickle was taught to me in yeshiva.
22 s(b.) // Jun 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm
–The wrist tickle was taught to me in yeshiva.–
:insert YU transvestites joke here: (I don’t even remember what post that was from or what it — oh, travesties! lol. I need sleep. I can’t believe I have to go to Teaneck tonight. ((Teaneck))
23 Ginger // Jun 17, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Funny that you say that frum women don’t shake hands. This past Shabbat I met a woman, introduced myself and held out my had. She hesitated before shaking my hand.
24 Hadassah // Jun 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Ginger - why do you think she hesitated?
25 Chavi // Jun 17, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Whenever I hit the Orthodox shul, I never offer up the hand. I do this cheesy little Pocahontas-style wave thing. But without fail plenty of the menfolk offer me their hands. I don’t get it.
Is this one of those no-longer-hard-and-fast rules?
26 Meira // Jun 17, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I can’t shed light why that woman hesitated, but I can add that I feel strange about shaking hands with other women too. It feels kind of a masculine thing to do, which I know is totally ridiculous, but that is my emotional reaction to it.
27 Nemo // Jun 17, 2008 at 5:14 pm
“the book how to be a gentleman”
Ahh, I remembering a bunch of us guys perusing the book back in high school. It was a good reassurance that even if it was annoying wearing black hats, we were still good and proper gentleman in our fine Borsalinos.
28 s(b.) // Jun 17, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I want a bochur in an Indiana Jones hat. (bochur part optional; loving Judaism and music a way of life)
29 Hadassah // Jun 17, 2008 at 6:02 pm
s(b) - does he have to look like Harrison Ford too? (obviously a young HF)
why havent more men read the book on how to be a gentleman? what 0ther wisdom does this tome have to impart?
30 heshman // Jun 17, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I think she may have hesitated because Ginger used to be a man- just joking no idea who ginger is.
My neighbors bought the book for their kids- they must have been gentleman because those boys sure got a lot of shtupa before the chupa.
31 A Jewish Music Insider // Jun 17, 2008 at 7:50 pm
The Singing Handshake: Mostly prevalent among musicians. They sing as they shake your hand on the down beat
Ok I made that up….
32 Therapist // Jun 17, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Has anyone ever gotten the “middle finger” handshake from a mentally deranged client?
33 s(b.) // Jun 17, 2008 at 10:06 pm
did icculus write that book? hadassah, I was just goofin’. River Phoenix was cute (when I was 12 and he was alive), but it’s hard to beat an actor who played both Indiana Jones AND Han Solo. As far as a guy for me goes, if he thinks the jokes I post are funny, he must be blind.
34 Nemo // Jun 17, 2008 at 10:23 pm
s(b.)- Funny coincidence because a) I’m a Bochur and b) I’ve got an authentic Indiana Jones hat. Picked it up at some random shop in Australia because it looked so cool with a pair of aviators.
Hadassah- Don’t bother with the gentleman book. You’ll never be able to buy anything that isn’t Savile Row bespoken again.
The books laments that one can’t buy a Brooks Brothers shirt anymore because the signature 20 stitches per inch was traded for something more commercially viable. Oh, the travails of being a gentleman!
35 Jack // Jun 17, 2008 at 11:04 pm
I give a firm handshake. If you give me a dead fish I will crush your hand. If you are not going to be firm, well why bother shaking hands.
36 s(b.) // Jun 17, 2008 at 11:23 pm
You’re a bochur? Get a job! lol (I’m kidding) I posted an old craigslist ad of mine on my blog yesterday. Have a look and a good laugh, if you want.
–Oh, the travails of being a gentleman!–
too funny. Try pantyhose and you’ll know why that bracha is said every morning.
37 Nemo // Jun 18, 2008 at 12:02 am
One second, when you ask about my source of income being illegal, just how illegal are we talking?
Oh, Hesh, you should write a post about Frum sources of income, hehe.
38 Hadassah // Jun 18, 2008 at 6:47 am
“oh the travails of being a gentleman”
yeah, like not having to worry about panty line
struggling with [s(b)s] panty hose
monthly stuff
mood swings
hair that has a mind of its’ own
what to wear
and most hardest of all - what freaking shoes match with what you finally decided to wear.
i have no sympathy - being a man is easy!!!!!
39 heshman // Jun 18, 2008 at 8:01 am
You forgot being able to pee standing up- by far the best perk. Hadassah dont you know thongs were created by people worried about panty lines.
40 s(b.) // Jun 18, 2008 at 9:21 am
Being able to pee standing up must be super-convenient. Microfiber panties solve panty line issues, as well as pantyhose being sucky (really, microfiber is a great invention of our time). I think some dudes get their own time of the month, sometimes. lol Shoes are easy. You need two pairs — black and brown. If you wear blue, wear the brown ones. (actually, I have black and blue sandals and brown sandals with yellow accents for the summer. both pairs are waterproof. If I were real slick and had the extra cash, I’d get a nice pair of black leather/fake leather Keen sandals to wear to work. But I’m not and I don’t, so black and blue it is, though I should’ve worn my brown ones today, since I’m wearing brown pants. My shirt is a blue plaid with Tigger, so I can get away with the black and blue sandals.) Oh, you probably meant REAL shoes. lol Mine are black.
Nemo, not even the U.S. Mint’s money is clean; I mean illegal like theft or things that would mean the police being in the house would not be a good idea (not that I have cops over for tea, but that lifestyle isn’t safe for doing things like raising children or having houseguests under 18, and I like both of those being options).
41 urban gypsy // Jun 19, 2008 at 7:13 am
heshman:
“SB according to the book how to be a gentleman- you should only shake a womens hand if she offers it first.”
This is sooo true. It really was (and still ought to be) the rule of polite society. This would make life so much easier for those girls who don’t want to shake hands with guys! Sheesh people pay attention to what hesh is telling you and go read that book! (it sounds good did you read it hesh?)
42 Chris_B // Jun 20, 2008 at 5:15 am
The wrist tickle is totally an American thing. Never try that on someone outside the US!
My fave is a multi step move:
1 single “normal” up-down
2 pull back slightly to hooking all fingers against the other persons hooked fingers, thumbs up and touching making a “steeple” - one up-down
3 flip pivoting on the thumbs to form an upside down inter hook - one up-down
4 pull back into a four finger snap (that is snapping your thumb against your little-ring-middle-index fingers, not trying to create a finger to palm slap as you pull out of step 3)
ending fist bump is optional
43 heshman // Jun 20, 2008 at 7:17 am
Chris thats called a thumb war!
44 KissMeI'mShomer // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Great post!
How about a post on the different forms of nods and kisses?
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