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When did juice become water?

Obesity is creating a booming food economy, so booming that somewhere along the road around 5 years ago, juice became water. Suddenly flavored water, which to me was somewhere between drink and juice became water. Water became too plain and suddenly there were multiple kinds of spruced up waters. I was bothered by the whole “smart water” phenomena- to me it’s a bit overdoing. Smart water was actually a sure sign of someone’s stupidity, but then they went a bit farther and assumed that if they started with a mostly water base, added just the right amount of “stuff” that was presumably needed in water and made it taste just sugary enough to make it seem like some diet product, they could call it water.

As today’s youth likes to say WTF???

When should water not be considered water anymore? There must be some sort of USDA regulations on that or pretty soon a watered down mountain dew will be called water. Snapple has water now and vitamin water which taste like freaking juice is water. Its construing peoples views of water, I am sure there are people that think water has to be colored and have sweet taste, well in some places it is sweet- like unfiltered stream water in the Jewel Basin of Montana, and if you drink out of the lakes in Rockland County you will notice a distinct tint.

But this colored flavored water continues to bug me- I spoke to a doctor friend of mine and he told me that the B-vitamins were a load of crap and the “intelligent waters” are just loaded with caffeine, taurine and gaurine which are just fancier ways of saying more caffeine then a cup of coffee and presumably healthier because its “just water”.

I wonder what will be changed, already you have the candy bar industry, adding fiber and protein to their already unhealthy candy bars in order to call them “energy bars”, energy water and energy bars- denote a certain level of healthiness that isn’t there. Meal replacements they call them, maybe they can make a real meal replacement candy bar that gives you a turkey dinner with cranberry sauce and sweet potato pie- like that of those pills invented by Willy Wonka. Now that would be meal replacement, to me peanuts and nougat (what the heck is nougat anyway- besides a big chunk of weed) is hardly a meal.

{ 64 comments… add one }
  • Mordy Ovits June 13, 2008, 11:39 AM

    “already you have the candy bar industry, adding fiber and protein to their already unhealthy candy bars in order to call them “energy bars”, energy water and energy bars- denote a certain level of healthiness that isn’t there.”

    You’ll get a kick out of these:

  • Child Ish Behavior June 13, 2008, 11:45 AM

    Don’t dis the non water water everyone has to make a living somehow. If I can convince you to spend your hard earned money on something that you will spend your hard earned money on, what is the harm? At least they are not trying to convince people to buy the water based on some sort of false advertising like bugs in the water just so the water filter companies earn a profit. So what if they say that it is more that water, Vitamin Alphabet soup water is the best kind.

  • chanief June 13, 2008, 1:28 PM

    Oh ugh, don’t get this health conscious mom started. Short and sweet, the state of the food industry makes me SICK for the most part.

  • M June 13, 2008, 1:31 PM

    Totally agree.

  • s(b.) June 13, 2008, 1:37 PM

    So what’s good to feed kids, these days?

  • chanief June 13, 2008, 1:49 PM

    s(b.) I don’t know about everyone else but I feed my kids a mostly organic diet, including lots of fruits and veggies. They eat normal kid food, but most of it is not tainted with chemicals.

    As far as fluids go, if they want a drink they can have milk, water or sometimes herbal tea. I am not a meano, they can have soda or juice or whatever at parties, but it’s rarely ever brought into our home.

    The thing that absolutely KILLS me is artificial sweeteners in products marketed specifically to children. Man oh man that makes me more than angry. Splenda is the big one… I better stop now or this comment will become a novel…

  • M June 13, 2008, 2:01 PM

    Chani- we don’t have a TV in the house, but this week while at my aunt and uncle in Passaic, I watched my little cousins, aged 4 and 2, sit in front of the TV and watch all the GARBAGE that’s being spouted from there. I’m not even talking about the TV shows- I’m talking about those advertisements. Honestly, I don’t even know whether to laugh or to cry at how ridiculous they are. I really don’t.

  • Jessica June 13, 2008, 2:21 PM

    You must hang out with some pretty dumb people if they think that anything but the clear, mostly tasteless stuff is water.

  • chanief June 13, 2008, 3:19 PM

    M ITA with you. We cancelled our cable service not because of the programming but because of the ads! I do think TV is a valuable educational tool, but only when used correctly.

  • M June 13, 2008, 3:52 PM


    About educational.. We grew up with a LOT of movies, both entertainment and educational. While I do think that there are some aspects of education that are best learnt through the video medium, I also think that there are a lot of negative qualities intrinsic to the medium itself. Namely, that it is inactive and passive. I personally thank my mother who when we were younger, dragged us to musuems and zoos Sunday after Sunday to see these things in real life. I plan on putting real effort into giving my kids the best education they can get. If that means taking them on a trip to Africa so they can see the lions and giraffes there instead of on National Geographic, then so be it! 🙂 It’ll be more work, but I want to give them the best they can get to the best of my abilities, with Hashem’s help…

  • SUPERFRUM June 13, 2008, 4:20 PM

    If you can keep track of what waters sell best, then you will know which stock to buy.

  • Stacy June 13, 2008, 4:25 PM

    people who drink vitamin water are complete douchebags who think they’re all hipster with their ipods and skinny jeans talking about the genius of vitamin water.

  • Nemo June 14, 2008, 8:51 PM

    Stacy, I just think it tastes good (some of them at least) and makes a good lower-calorie energy drink for sports.

  • heshman June 14, 2008, 9:26 PM

    Nah vitamin water actually tastes good- its the folks whop buy bottled waters like dasani and aquafina that are dumbasses for they admit on the bottle that they are just purified waters.

  • Mikeinmidwood June 14, 2008, 10:05 PM

    The vitamin water is actually pretty fattening with tons of sugar. The only bottled water I drink is poland spring.

  • s(b.) June 15, 2008, 3:20 AM

    stacy, purple vitamin water is hangover helper (drink a bottle before passing out, then another one when you wake up). The best hangover helper, of course, is not drinking too much. I used to drink the red vitamin water, back before I discovered energy bars, to get me home from shows, late at night.

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