I hear that wedding showers suck, I don’t know this first hand, but after to a friend of mine who had two this past weekend, I have come to realize they are different then I imagined. I guess my sick little 14 year old mind is stuck in the gutter whenever it involves young eligibile girls and showers(my mind just removes the word wedding- and I am left with shower), what am I supposed to think- that they are playing stupid games and giving lame gifts from the bed bath and beyond registry.
I guess I always thought wedding showers had something to do with all the girls getting into the shower together. Or at least some hunky construction worker stripping to Pour Some Sugar On Me. But what really goes on, is nothing of the sort. Sorry guys, no strippers, no sex talk (although I am convinced toys to keep the girl occupied during needa are given) and no strippers.
I remember when I found out about gift registries, I was amazed, and I was completely disappointed as well. I always prefer surprises, even if they come in the form of multiple copies of the book Great Jews in Sports which secular cousins love to give you for gifts. One would figure wedding gifts would be a surprise, but its just some registry at bed bath and beyond- because you can return the gifts for cash. If you want cash, why cant you just ask. The problem with wedding showers is that they too have taken on this idea of the gift registry.
My friend was telling me that she would always buy cool stuff for her friends from the infamous “back of Marshalls”, I must admit that I love buying people obscenely avant-garde vases from the back of Marshalls that claim to have been made in Italy, but seem to take on the “made in a Chinese sweatshop” look after a few minutes of back seat of the car heat waves. The problem that gift registries create at wedding showers is this, as we all know from our glimpses into wedding showers, via cracks in the door or sex and the city episodes- all the girls sit around in a circle cradling their pink tissue paper wrapped gifts and thrust them upon the bride to be. I find this practice completely ridiculous if you are on a registry. I can just imagine the bride to be saying “oh I was wondering who would get me the matching towel wash cloth set, but it’s the wrong color- we put down orange and this is yellow tinted red”
The other problem that the wedding shower registry creates is that when my friend would bust out her fancy yet cheap back of Marshalls gift, the bride to be would give her a quizzical look and say “where’d you find this” at which point she would have to admit that it was on clearance at the Marshalls Home Goods store- and in fact it had multiple layers of clearance stickers, and features an unseen blemish just under one of the handles. “But this wasn’t on the registry” But don’t worry you can return unwanted items for cash. How lame is that?
The other thing they do at wedding showers, besides eat salad and strawberry shortcake is play games, really stupid games.
My friend was telling me about this one really frum girls wedding shower where they put different things on sponges and you had to smell it and know what it was. It was to prepare the girls for a lifelong exile to the kitchen with only their sponges and brillos to protect them- as Simon and Garfunkel would say. I found this to be hilarious and now my fantasies of what wedding showers are according to folks like me who are practicing to achieve “dirty old man status” at a very young age.
I am sure some people have interesting wedding showers, but based on my conversation with my buddy- I am kind of happy I don’t have to waste Sunday afternoons playing pin the chosson on the kallah and smell the household cleaning product on the sponge- if its Mr Clean- that doesn’t sound to tznius. My friends wedding shower sounded pretty interesting, her friends took her dancing at A Lesbian club, and then karaoke at a Gay club- no she’s not Gay- but maybe that’s the frum way of doing things.
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
“I am sure some people have interesting wedding showers” !?!?!?!?!
DEFINATELY NOT!
“I am sure some people have interesting wedding showers” !?!?!?!?!
DEFINATELY NOT!
Wow the truth comes out- TWICE- are you one of those people that says good shabbos twice to everyone in quick succession.
“are you one of those people that says good shabbos twice to everyone in quick succession.”
lol!
When you get 7 different pitchers, an ugly vase and 12 different pitchers for your wedding gifts, you’ll understand why gift registries are completely necessary for weddings. The bride and groom have enough going on, they don’t need any surprises.
*12 different hand-towels
I was at a shower once where the bride’s future MOTHER IN LAW got her furry handcuffs. Awkward moment, but it kept it interesting…
wedding showers kinda strike me as pretty grabby – a couple get married, they get presents, they have seven days of partying / sheva brachot after – a shower is just an additional chance to get more gifts – is this really what marriage is about? what was the genesis of the wedding shower? who started it? its all part and parcel of the “gimme generation”. I have only been to two, never had one myself, and would run the other way if invited to another. shudder!
bridal showers came about so brides would have 2 chances to get gifts for setting up their new home. This is under the assumption that they are moving straight from their parents to their own house, and need stuff like pots and pans. (remember, most people don’t have sheva brachot)
My and my fiance each lived on our own for about 6 years before meeting each other. We already have all those pots and pans, so I don’t need another party. Plus we’re eloping at city hall, so we’re skipping the wedding party part as well
Let’s not forget the “re-gifters” who rewrap every hideous and/or useless piece of “I’ve been sitting on Amazing Savings shelf so long that I have a 2″ layer of dust on me” garbage and present it to the next poor unsuspecting bride and groom.
Wedding showers are really supposed to be for the girl’s closest friends. Frummy ones have turned into their mother- mother in law – mother’s friends, etc… being there (which means no lingerie or other fun stuff). Since I am a bit older as are my friends (and most of us already have household stuff) we actually do the bachelorette party, which is A LOT more fun.
AE – dus hartz raast
Eden – i applaud you for eloping – makes the ceremony more about marriage, than about the circus of the wedding itself. Congrats!
The shower you mention in the last paragraph sounds more like a bachellorette party… just saying… most showers are not going out anfdpartying, they’re all about the gift giving. It’s called a shower because you “shower” the bride in gifts for her new home (and it’s really boring, I hate them.)
Frum Librarian – the MIL gave fury handcuffs? LOL! That’s freaking funny!
“oh I was wondering who would get me the matching towel wash cloth set, but it’s the wrong color- we put down orange and this is yellow tinted red”
Clearly this person was not such a good friend or she would have looked more carefully at the registry.
As for gifts from Amazing Savings and Marshalls, the givers’ invitations should be rescinded
im sure bridal showers are somewhat related to dowries..
anyway – theyre a nightmare, but it has nothing to do with being frum – it has to do with ridiculous ‘ive dreamt of this day my whole life’ fantasies (which frummies dont have the monopoly on). i wouldnt even mind so much the fact of having a pre wedding party for girls and helping her set up her house, i just hate all the flowery pink nonsense those parties are filled with..
i also never get registry presents! i understand the logic of it, but i feel so stupid spending 75$ on a knife or 3 crystal wine glasses..
anyway, bridal showers are horribly painful events – just be glad you dont have to go to them!
I just had a bridal shower yesterday. Some of us chipped in and got her a Bosch which is expensive and mandatory for every newlywed to have. We didnt play many games and just had music blasting with awesome food! It was a regular frummie wedding shower….no stripping or lingerie
hilarious post!
what happened to my link?
Hi! – i guess i missed the memo about the bosch being mandatory. maybe thats why my membership in materialistic women of the week has been revoked……
I’ve only been to two showers, but one was a Showgirls theme complete with burgers, fake costumes, and of course ice.
It was friggin awesome.
frumbutnotaidel – I’m frum, but not a frummy and both my mother and mother-in-law were at my shower. My mom’s best friend even bought me lingerie!
“Or at least some hunky construction worker stripping to Pour Some Sugar On Me.”
Heretic! 80s songs such as that are forbidden! Have you any idea what kind of spiritual damage they did? Okay, then what about the amount of damage to the American musical reputation?
Clearly you are young and naive still and don’t remember the fashion atrocities, the great and terrible air pollution and lung damage from Aqua Net abuse, not to mention that much of it was like musical marijuana, deadening intelligence to the point that The Facts of Life passed for serious philosophical introspection and Cheers became a national treasure. Today we live sheepishly and saddled with guilt, still unable to come to terms with thinking David Hasslehoff was an acting genius for the thirty seconds that everyone did in comparison to the writing forced on him. Who old enough to remember can do anything but shiver in horror at words like “duck Magnum!”
What terrible times we survived.
Understand I do not object to strippers per se, just the choice of musical accompaniment. One must have priorities.
Spotted in my town: a “hair covering shower.” Buy (!) hats & snoods & tichels right from the visiting merchant, Tupperware-party-style, for the bride and/or yourself, and try not to notice the tears of the never-married girls feeling doubly left out.
On the other hand, at a kosher restaurant I saw a “cleaning supplies” shower, featuring a mop and broom creatively “dressed” as a bride and groom.
Not only was it charming, it was a reminder of how young frum couples tend to need to have their modest dwellings equipped, unlike most of society in which the wedding crassly celebrates the bride’s promotion from mistress/concubine to wife, although she probably euphemistically calls herself a girlfriend or fiancee’ despite years of peak-fertility-squandering toothbrush-sharing.
lol; yeah, suitepotato. too funny. one useful shower activity was everyone learning an actual circle dance step. didn’t use it at the wedding, ’cause it was totally crowded and the band was great and not playing particular anything (that I remember, other than l’shana haba). If/when I get married, I would want to either have no shower or a jack and jill (guys and girls) shower, have a jam session, or something. But my idea of a bachelorette party is going to Great Adventure or a festival. And I’d want to do that after I get married, too. I figure if I want to get married, I can keep mah virgin eyes a-waitin’ on my chatan-to-be. I love being silly like me.
Maybe after reading Hadasah’s comments the Rabbanim will now impose the “wedding registry ban”! I hear it’s coming down the pipe shortly hesh!
Insider – have you not heard of the list that is not written but passed around like torah shebaal peh? you know, the one that says that when a couple get married he needs to buy her pearls,bracelet, diamonds, she needs to buy him a watch and a set of shas, his family buy the custom sheitel, her family buy him a tallit….etc (When i married i was unaware of this “ruling” and had to make do with common sense…) well, on that list, it states clearly that a new young veibele needs a bosch so that she can cook for her young kollel learning husband, fill his stomach with good heimishe food so he can learn harder. this is in the rabbanim’s best interest. i think right now, anyway, they are busy looking to ban the real looking skin coloured part in sheitels because it causes some sickness or something in men…….
Hadassah, how much do I need to spend on my future MIL’s Mishloach Manos? Is there anything else I need to know?
Hesh-
See what you started? You’ve let (gasp) women take over your blog!
Anyway, wedding showers are like any other celebration. If the bride is someone you care about, then you’re happy because she’s happy and the rest doesn’t matter. If you’re there grudgingly, then yeah, it’s gonna suck.
I’d want to be showered with Judas Priest records. If any girl ever gets something useful besides houseware, she must be so cool.
Hadassah-the mandatory thing was sarcastic, however it is really good to make challah’s with and and many kallah’s i know want to bake. (shrug-whateva floats their boats)
I’ve been to a few showers, mostly because my wife and her freinds draft me to shlep everything to wherever they’re making the shower, and once I’m there, I figure I might as well stay and eat. Her freinds bake alot, and how can I turn down homemade cookies?
I was also really dissapointed that there’s no actual shower. I mean, the food is good, but they told me there would be a shower, and then all they do is sit in a circle and give the kallah stuff too unwrap.
About the registry, yeah, it takes away the surprise, but left to think of presents themselves, people get the most useless things. I got FIVE cake platters. Five! Who uses cake platters on a regular basis, let alone five of them?
Headbanger, nice housewares rock. Especially good knives. I know that reads funny, but it’s true. Kitchen stores can be like Toys R Us or a record store, sometimes. :homer: mm, housewares. Especially with having two sets of stuff, they come in handy. Jethro Tull is touring with Peter Frampton this summer. If you make it to Jones Beach, holler. Hadassah, thanks for the laughs.
wedding showers are fine as long as the theme is alcohol and the drinks/jello shots keep coming.
I would have had some great responses- just been a little under the weather lately- glad you folks enjoyed my post.
Housewares do rock- I just always have this fear of owning more stuff that I can throw in the back of my car.
I hope to do the gift registry at EMS or Campmor- or some big hiking warehouse store.
I agree that the number of wedding related parties can get a little extreme: the engagement party (sometimes a l’chaim AND a vort), the bridal shower, the aufruf, the shabbos kallah, the wedding itself, and the sheva brachos. I usually just go to the wedding or maybe one engagement party. I never was able to bring myself to go to a wedding shower.
Regarding games, pin the chosson on the kallah sounds awesome, but I would think that smelling the household cleaning product on the sponge would be sort of unhealthy. Isn’t it unsafe to be huffing cleaning fumes, unless you want to get stoned?
The regifting is a touchy issue. I have recieved gifts with cards to other people in them, which is a dead giveaway and very funny. When I broke my engagement I was stuck with a mountain of stuff I didn’t want to keep and it took me about a year to regift it all. I felt sort of guilty about it but at least it went to good use.
Re gifting is the way to go- unless you are Will Farrel in Old School- that was like the best scene ever.
When he gives the toaster to his buddy and it was the same one he got from him in the first place.
i personally hate bridal showers. fortunately for me i dont have too many to go to. i think i went to one a year ago.
I have a response to your post! Click here to read it:
http://wwww.materialmaidel.blogspot.com/
I hate bridal showers as well.
Some people just collect money from the bride’s friends, buy the gifts, and hand them over without having a party. Seems to make sense to me – this way you get to “shower” the bride with gifts without needing to create those hats from plates and wrapping paper.
I think that all this money which the girl collect should go directly to the bride! I am one of the first girls in the bunch to get married so my inexperienced but well meaning friends, got me a bunch of things that are just sitting in boxes never to be used. And I am too nice to pass them on to the next showeree to find storage room
And then God created Ebay!
good idea