Jewish Comedy

39 responses so far ↓

• Hee Hee // May 2, 2008 at 11:54 am

  It is true, i read it in the Gemara-mesechtas nida. I can look for it over shabbos and give you the complete source. I dont know if it actually works or not but its not an urban legend.

  All i know is that i want boys so i hope it works!!

• Left Brooklyn and never looked back // May 2, 2008 at 11:54 am

  Never heard that one, I will have to check with Madonna, I mean Esther.

• Anonymous // May 2, 2008 at 12:09 pm

  What if she doesn’t climax at all?

• none // May 2, 2008 at 12:37 pm

  Its a rashi on chumush. I am not sure which parsha.

• Frum Punk // May 2, 2008 at 12:38 pm

  I’ve never heard of that. So if a family has a run of boys and then three girls, that just means the dad got lazy?

• Anonymous // May 2, 2008 at 12:55 pm

  On a related note, a friend of mine’s kallah teacher regaled her with horror stories about all the terrible middot her future children would possess if they were conceived in anything but the missionary position.

• Headbanger // May 2, 2008 at 1:12 pm

  Wow I figured this concept would come up sooner or later. The gemara is usually a few hundred years ahead of science, but I’m pretty sure the studies are rising about this and it’s definitely true. Whenever we’d see a station wagon with 10 little Zalman’s running out holding their bag of Potato stix with little Suri tagging along in the back, only one thing came to our minds.

  Maybe that’s why so many men have mostly girls or all girls. After so many years zetzing themself in the yeshiva mikva, it’s no shock to hear he climaxes first. Another ordinary Friday night in Klonymous’s bedroom.

• heshman // May 2, 2008 at 1:22 pm

  So the shidduch crisis was really caused by men being one pump chumps???

• s(b.) // May 2, 2008 at 2:12 pm

  “zetzing themself in the yeshiva mikva,”
  –ew.

  “it’s no shock to hear he climaxes first.”
  –actually, I’d think practice would foster the ability to time/control how long it takes to climax (but I’m not a guy, and what’s the case for one gender may be different for the other)

  It sounds like an urban legend to me. Since not satisfying the wife is beis-dintacular (I know that’s not a word) grounds for a woman to petition for and receive a get, I’d imagine it would be in every mensch’s interest to make sure the gentleman finishes last.

  Then again, I’m naive enough to believe that adding love to the equation will make that activity better on a level to which no climax can compare, so what do I know?

• heshman // May 2, 2008 at 2:19 pm

  SB- hence the reason they fail to mention in many women’s kallah classes that they can also be pleasured during sex- so they never have to deal with this sort of case.

  Imagine if women found out they could be pleasured too?

• s(b.) // May 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm

  :faints:
  

• chnyock // May 2, 2008 at 2:54 pm

  first rashi in tazriah, dude!

• abandoning eden // May 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm

  Serisouly? Of course it’s a legend! Have you ever taken a biology class? Or do you think conception happens like magic and the individual sperms can change from an x to a y chromosome depending on when an orgasm happens? Seriously?

• Headbanger // May 2, 2008 at 3:44 pm

  That’s why the Torah had to give a separate mitzvah of pleasuring her. Otherwise no one would. Actually it didn’t help since they don’t teach that Mitzvah.

• chanief // May 2, 2008 at 7:29 pm

  Weird. I commented twice and neither has appeared - are you moderating these comments?

• Rafi // May 3, 2008 at 1:52 pm

  i dont think the sources you are all quoting is talking about climaxing, they refer to being “mazriah techila” sending out the egg/sperm first. I dont know if that is climaxing, but thats what it says.

• Anonymous // May 3, 2008 at 5:06 pm

  look at frumsatire.com

• Hee hee // May 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

  Ok, I found the source-its in maseches nida:perek shlishi (chapter 3) torwards the end about 3-5 pages from the end of the perek:starts with “Amar Rabbi Yitzchok Amar Rabbi Ami, Isha mizra’as techila yoledes zochar. Ish mazria techila yoledes nekaiva.”

• Anon // May 3, 2008 at 11:46 pm

  “Imagine if women found out they could be pleasured too?”

  Oh, please. I’ve heard from many a woman, from my own kallah teacher, and from niddah/taharat hamishpacha/marriage books in general - it is imperative to pleasure your woman, besides the halachic commandment. Judaism is no Islam. We get plenty of pleasure.

• VoiceOfReason // May 4, 2008 at 12:43 am

  yeah i vaguely remember learning something bout this in yeshiva…….if this isn’t an incentive for me to be a gentleman, i don’t know what is

• Jacob da Jew // May 4, 2008 at 1:00 am

  I’m wit Rafi.

• gennaro // May 4, 2008 at 1:14 am

  “It sounds like an urban legend to me. Since not satisfying the wife is beis-dintacular (I know that’s not a word) grounds for a woman to petition for and receive a get, I’d imagine it would be in every mensch’s interest to make sure the gentleman finishes last.”

  What if the lady can’t satisfy the man? Is that grounds for divorce as well?

• heshman // May 4, 2008 at 2:03 am

  Well gennaro- you will just have to read the Dr. Yael articles in the Jewish Press.

• s(b.) // May 4, 2008 at 2:04 am

  Anybody got a literal translation of: perek shlishi (chapter 3)? (heehee?) — I just had a thought — especially considering it was guys who wrote this stuff — maybe not satisfying the woman in bed is supposed to mean not having as many kids as the wife wants (or trying to, at least? ‘Cause I mean, how much do you think these guys knew about the female orgasm? And that would make it make more sense why it’s b.d.tacular grounds for a get. Just a thought. Gennaro, I don’t know.

  And what’s this stuff about sperm and eggs and jacob and rafi and ae? If this boils down to the difference between mizra’as and mazria techila, what’s the difference between the two words? They look like they’d have mem, zayin and resh in common, with the rest of the letters being variable (I don’t know enough Hebrew to be as linguistics dorky as I want to be, right now).

• Beryl // May 4, 2008 at 10:08 am

  My wife never climaxed in her life, and we have lots of boys and no girls, so…

• menashe // May 4, 2008 at 11:38 am

  this is retarded and doesn’t belong here.

  you missed the mark with this one.

• Headbanger // May 4, 2008 at 11:41 am

  Oh so THAT’s the guy whose wife keeps writing Rachel…

• Tiuny // May 4, 2008 at 12:01 pm

  MAzria does NOT mean climax
  but it is fun to speculate

• yl // May 4, 2008 at 3:10 pm

  just to point 0ut… this is based on a rashi in chumash and really doesnt specifically refer to climaxing, rather it is refering to whos seed comes first. Now the male seed is directly related to climax, howver the female seed is not rather it is realted to the monthly cycle. Additionally as everyone here hopefully knows that a mans seed needs to be present for conception, however its timing in the MONTHLY schedule is what is important (by the way the mans seed stays alive in the women for up to three days afterwards and can conceive then). So enjoy the speculation but there is no connection to actual climax.
  Sorry

• SUPERFRUM // May 4, 2008 at 4:06 pm

  Hey Beryl, how can you be absolutely sure that your wife never climaxed in her life?

• mike // May 4, 2008 at 8:56 pm

  Rashi in P’ Vayigash, perek mem vav.

• sh // May 5, 2008 at 12:49 am

  just to set some things in order:

  1. the source quoted by rashi and by the gmara in nida is the “midrash raba” on tazriah.

  2. other uses of the word “mazraat” in those midrashim definatly meen to climax - they had a slightly diffrent view of how the monthly cycle worked ack then.

• barack // May 5, 2008 at 11:52 pm

  I would like to create an everyday use for the word beis dintacular.

• Mak // May 6, 2008 at 3:57 pm

  Well, if it IS an urban legend, it’s one that’s being taught in college. That’s what I learned in my human development class. How to get a girl baby and how to get a male baby. As I recall, my teacher asked which we thought was more fun to make.

• agnostic goy // May 7, 2008 at 2:35 pm

  wow this is pretty laughable, take a biology class for christ’s sake, no educated adult can actually believe this tripe can they?

• heshman // May 7, 2008 at 3:43 pm

  Mark that is very interesting and now I am going to have to look this up.

• Beryl // May 9, 2008 at 7:02 pm

  I know she was a virgin when I married her (all the blood and screaming clued me in) and all the time I have been with her she never had an orgasm, so unless she did aishes ish….

• Anon // May 18, 2008 at 5:31 pm

  well, Beryl, I guess you have some homework to do…

• NotConfused // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:58 am

  For the people who still think it’s a legend, wake up. This is currently taught in modern sex (of the baby) control, right up there with choosing what foods she eats.

  The current scientific reason for why it’s not a legend is because the woman’s orgasm directly affects the acidity level of the insides, making the environment much more comfortable for the Y sperm (which are weaker despite being faster), allowing them a better chance to reach the egg first as opposed to facing a more harsh environment for them if the woman does not climax.

  If you’re still not buying it well then, I don’t think any book (science, gemara, or otherwise) is likely to help.

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