To me seltzer is a Jewish drink, so Jewish in fact that some people have even taken Seltzer as a last name in many different forms, I know several folks with the last name of Zelcer which is pronounced Zeltzer which must have come from some deriviative of seltzer, maybe when the family was being screened on Elis Island and they were asked to Americanize their names- and they thought Seltzer was neutral and all the sudden they had taken on the last name of the quintessential Jewish drink.
In fact unlike other supposed Jewish drinks seltzer is drank by all sects of Jews. Manishevitz blackberry wine is commonly used as a prop in modern day movies and videos about Jews, but unlike seltzer, the Jews drinking Manishevitz are all havah negilah, lets go to temple and eat bagels type Jews, rather then the herring and kichel type. Seltzer however, has the ability similar to the one dayanu tune- to bridge the gaps between Jews. What real Jew doesn’t have an affinity for a bottle of high pressured blue label Vintage Seltzer?
Even Doctor Brown soda, which I always thought was a Jewish soda, does not seem to span the sects of Jews. Dr. Browns is much more prevalent in the old time Jackie Mason, second avenue deli type of Jew then the heimishe hoagie crowd. My father would order a Dr. Browns celery soda- which I always thought was gross- whenever we went to eat at classic Jewish places like Ratners, Famous, Ednas and Second avenue Deli. It was just non existent outside of the classic kosher restaurant realm.
I myself grew up on the seltzer delivery man, now I know I am aging myself here- but I remember getting crates of seltzer delivered every week to our door. These huge blue and green bottles with spray thingies on the top were way fun. Until one day I came home to find plastic bottles of vintage lemon and lime sitting in a cardboard box next to the old Hoover. I would hear my father relate his anger every time seltzer became the topic of conversation- he would go on and on about them starting to charge exorbitant prices- probably because of the Liberals- because for some reason my old man can tie in any problem with the “Farstunkenah Liberals” as he likes to say.
I have even developed some random Seltzer theories over the years. One of them was that no matter where you went seltzer was much more then a drink, it was a form of entertainment. Take pesach for example, have you ever seen something more entertaining then watching the requisite bottle explode onto a non-gebrokts table. Well you will never see lame old Magid go from Maxwell house boredom to a frenzy of shouting and screaming to get the matzo crumbs off the table before they turn into bread from the seltzer accident- which has to happen at every meal regardless.
Part of Jewish life is the seltzer explosion at shabbos and holiday meals. Pesach as seen above can be great. But just as good is the arrogant shmuck who also gets it. Nothing like seeing the chief hocker get drench with fizzing seltzer as he brags about his latest siren addition to his Suburban.
I find that as I get older, that the younger generations do not share the same affinity for seltzer, Juices that claim to be water and energy drinks have taken over. Or those sugar filled “nectar” juices from Israel- I do like the spring strawberry- but nothing does it like some lemon lime seltzer. First of all seltzer has no calories or sugar or fake sugar or nothing. Second of all, it sounds Jewish, third of all- you can be cool with the little old guys in back of the shul that only speak Yiddish and talk about “lookers” and “Broads” all day. Seltzer works best with matchas herring and garlic tam-tams.
55 responses so far ↓
1 non-gebrokts // Apr 3, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Did you hear there will not be tam tams this pesach? The horror…
2 heshman // Apr 3, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Were there ever tam-tams on pesach, I am referring the real thing- not the matzo ones- those suck
3 HeadBanger // Apr 3, 2008 at 4:58 pm
My lady fingers were banned because it wasn’t tznius enough. I guess plain Fingers without any creative imagination was their new choice of title.
4 suitepotato // Apr 3, 2008 at 6:43 pm
As long as there’s no quinine involved, I’m fine with seltzer. I’m incredibly allergic.
5 Child Ish Behavior // Apr 3, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I hear that the original name for seltzer was Jewish champagne. So it’s no surprise to me that it is considered a Jewish drink. Only us Jews would think of calling a drink champagne with out any alcohol.
6 frumcollegegirl // Apr 3, 2008 at 9:05 pm
am i the only jew who doesn’t like seltzer? it’s got too little flavor to be soda (which i don’t drink anyway) and too many bubbles to be refreshing.
guess i’m too young
7 s(b.) // Apr 3, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I’m 31 and I think seltzer is much better off being consumed by people who are not me. It’s not an age thing at all. I’m happy to rock the Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry, I just prefer my water flat. If I were ever near an old-school seltzer bottle, the room would resemble the set of an old Three Stooges movie and I’d hope I was wearing a black shirt, ’cause those bottles are totally hijinks waiting to happen.
8 Hesh // Apr 3, 2008 at 10:22 pm
I had a great joke in my head about how I don’t like my women like I like my soda- flat- but when I write it sounds really dumb.
9 Erev Rav // Apr 3, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Seltzer is Jewish Hard Liquor.
Have you all seen the one where Krusty the clown as a child is caught red-handed in the bathroom shpritzing himself in the mirror by his father, the Masonne Rebbe?
Shoen! That’s what you call comedy!
10 HeadBanger // Apr 4, 2008 at 1:17 am
I was never able to stand seltzer as well. It makes me spit it out. If there’s fizz in it, it b
11 Hesh // Apr 4, 2008 at 1:26 am
Krusty’s fathers name was Rabbi Krustofowitz right?
12 Bochur in yeshiva // Apr 4, 2008 at 1:45 am
For some reason, whenever i open a dr. Browns, it shpritzes all over the place. I have started only opening it with a wetsuit. Or if my roommate is around, that poor guy has to get himself all wet. Which i do feel bad for, by the way, but i gotta have my dr browns. What i want to know is, am i extremely unlucky, and only the ones that i buy have that extra squirt of carbon dioxide, or does everyone else also have this wonderful booby-trap?
13 Headbanger // Apr 4, 2008 at 1:57 am
Rabbi Krustofsky actually. And Krusty himself is named Hershel Pinchas Yeruchem Krustofsky. That was revealed in a much later episode.
“Seltzer is for drinking, not for spraying. Pie is for noshing, not for throwing.”
14 Chris_B // Apr 4, 2008 at 2:23 am
Just found this blog. I’m as goyim as the day is long but damn this makes for fun reading. Ever since I left NYC for Tokyo over 10 years ago, one of the things I missed the most was the proximity to the Jewish culture there. This blog is like a little taste of home except for half the people at work leaving 4 hours before me on Fridays in the winter (Aaron if you are reading this I mean you. Thanks for the Rangers tickets on Friday night games though!).
Oh yeah, Headbanger’s Rabbi Krustovsky quote just made me spit seltzer all over my monitor (yes I really am drinking it right now)
15 heimish in bp // Apr 4, 2008 at 8:54 am
“Farstunkenah”
Great word! forgot about it, Do you have it on your frumslang list?
16 heimish in bp // Apr 4, 2008 at 9:01 am
and how about “Vichy water/seltzer”? did any of you guys grow up with that?
My Grandfather used to drink that on Pesach. Nothing else. It was like very salty seltzer that came in small little green bootles in packages of six. He drank that and borcht. EEEEWWWWWWWWW
17 Hesh // Apr 4, 2008 at 9:13 am
How about the fight between Beer Mayim and Mayim Chaim- ever see the labels that say- do not trust cheap imitations- which one is frummer by the way?
18 heimish in bp // Apr 4, 2008 at 9:32 am
I remeber it being Mayim Chaim, for they had the CRC, which in my view is the biggest BS hashgacha anyways
19 heimish in bp // Apr 4, 2008 at 11:08 am
1. If you leave NY area, they do not know Seltzer, they call it Pop Soda or other such non-sense. I got smart over the years and just order water. Simpler. No language barrier.
2. We have a guy in Shul from Oddessa, Ukrain. He insists that a correct way to pronounce it is Zeltzer with a Z. And if you try to fight with him, he’ll give you a whole history lesson of how it is named after a guy named Zeltzer and only stupid Americans call it Seltzer. I usually stop fighting with him there, but I heard him continue to explain exactly how this guy invented it. I think if you press him long enough, you will probably learn what that Zeltzer guy had for breakfast that morning and his last bowel movedment prior to Zeltzer invention.
20 mlevin // Apr 4, 2008 at 11:09 am
Sorry, the last post was my. For some reason it said heimish in bp
21 s(b.) // Apr 4, 2008 at 11:11 am
buchur, I’ve never had that problem. Have you tried getting the liter bottles, instead of the cans?
22 Hesh // Apr 4, 2008 at 11:29 am
The only thing better in a can then a bottle is Mountain Dew. Or Tuna, but I never had tuna from a bottle.
23 mm // Apr 4, 2008 at 11:59 am
((mountain dew enrobed in metal))
The resealability of the plastic bottles is a good argument for them, though.
s(b.)
24 bochur in yeshiva // Apr 4, 2008 at 12:09 pm
im talking about the 2 liter bottles. it happens to be more jewish/economic i.e. cheaper than the 1 liter or the cans… and hesh - maskim. on both counts.
25 chans // Apr 4, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I personally cant stand seltzer in any way shape or form. I dont care if you call it “sparkling water”-its still seltzer. I love how people are horrified when you tell them that you don’t like pellegrino. its all the same!
26 Hesh // Apr 4, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Peligrino is not seltzer it is over priced seltzer that was left over from shalosh suedos and has since gone flat- then they bottle it in cool bottles and charge 5 bucks. Kind of like perrier with any taste- its all placebo man.
27 s(b.) // Apr 4, 2008 at 2:00 pm
where can one find 2-liter bottles of dr. brown’s, please? I’ve never seen them. (county, state, town would be great; thanks)
28 chanief // Apr 4, 2008 at 6:39 pm
heimish in bp - you’re making me nostalgic now, we used to have vichy water on pesach when I was young(er.) It was all vichy water and grape juice… far, far away from the matzah of course. Did he actually mix it with borscht or does vichy water rank with borscht so you mentioned them together? (btw, what is wrong with borscht? Why am I always the only one under 70 eating borscht?)
29 heshman // Apr 5, 2008 at 10:40 pm
To appreciate the true essence of Borsht or Schav you must be at least 70 and speak fluent yiddisgh. You also have to be willing to eat fish balls with little colored toothpicks
30 Anita // Apr 6, 2008 at 2:41 am
I love seltzer. Its like coffee though- an acquired taste.
And I looooove Borsht. LOVE LOVE it. and I’m under 70. I only like the homemade kind. The type in a can is so bad, and makes me sick thinking about it. Its like fake soup. Its such a pain in the tush to make tho. But I help my mommy all the time, makes it quicker and less annoying.
31 s(b.) // Apr 6, 2008 at 8:07 am
schav! lol! if you’re bad in this life, in olam haba, all you get to eat is schav, stale mandelbrot and matzah (with nothing on it).
32 Hesh // Apr 6, 2008 at 10:01 am
I think they serve all the whacked out jewish foods in hell. You boil in vats of schav while being forced fed shmaltz herring or sauteed liver or even shmura matzo.
33 chasidyingerman // Apr 6, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I remember once seeing the ‘vichy’ water too.
My dad says thats all they drank on pesach when he was younger. Makes me wonder, those guys were WWII surviviors, how the heck didn’t the work ‘vichy’ irk the crap outta them.
34 chasidyingerman // Apr 6, 2008 at 12:21 pm
oh ya, ditto on the borscht.
I make it myself, and I LIKE IT (hard stare).
The stuff in the cans is not ‘ruah l’achilas kelev’.
35 heimish in bp // Apr 7, 2008 at 9:12 am
Chanief, well no they ditnt mix it, although my mom mixes it with seltzer, ewwwwwwwww. But the borscht my grandma made was the real thing. When i packed away her pesach dishes every year, under the stairs teh last thing i packed in was a big glass jar, i mean really big, and in it was some newspaper, and a sharp pairing knife. Chanukah, my grandmother would buy a sack of beets, take out the jar, spread out the peice of newspaper (if you saved it from pesach it was kosher l’pesach) peel the beets fill the jar with them and some water adn salt, i think thats all, and let it ferment untill Pesach. NOw thats Real Borsht
She would then beat egs into some of it, all kind of weird stuff. Now my mom just cooks them and adds lemon juice or something. Man the doiras are getting shvacher.
36 s(b.) // Apr 7, 2008 at 10:53 am
I found 2-liter Dr. Brown’s in stop and shop’s pesach shop! so happy!
shmura matzah is the worst! It plays on the turntables of the evil dead.
37 bochur in yeshiva // Apr 7, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Dont forget to use a wetsuit without a chometz coating. I’m almost sure the r blumenkrantz bible has a section on wetsuits…
38 Yochanan // Apr 7, 2008 at 7:01 pm
“He insists that a correct way to pronounce it is Zeltzer with a Z. ”
“S”, at least initially, is pronounced [z] in German. I remember we had a couple living at our house, a German woman and an Italian-American man, who both spoke fluent German and were particularly fond of a sitcom called “Zeinfeld”.
39 beth // Apr 9, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hesh! Did I mention I sell home carbonation units for making your own seltzer and soda?
http://batya-d.livejournal.com/54086.html
40 Katie // Apr 10, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Seltzer=my daily staple long as i can remmber, glad it got recognition
41 Hesh // Apr 10, 2008 at 11:32 pm
So Beth your a an entrepreneur
Katie- glad to know there are women who appreciate what is commonly referred to as a mans drink
42 beth // Apr 11, 2008 at 5:57 am
nah I’m just a merchant affiliate, I don’t have any inventory and my commission is bubkes. I just “believe in the product” and when I show off my seltzer maker to my friends they usually want to buy one.
43 Chris_B // Apr 11, 2008 at 7:33 am
What a shame, they dont sell outside the US and bits of canada.
44 Anonymous // Apr 14, 2008 at 11:32 am
But it was named for the town in germany it was produced, Selters
Your spreading misinformation in the seltzer community
45 heshman // Apr 14, 2008 at 11:48 am
Hey everyone has their opinions, ever study who invented the toilet- its up for debate or how about the combustion engine. Or automobiles in general.
46 JO // Apr 15, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Would anybody buy seltzer in a disposable siphon Bottle?
47 heshman // Apr 15, 2008 at 12:13 pm
What the heck is a siphon bottle.
48 Beth // Apr 15, 2008 at 12:20 pm
And Thus God did create Google Images, and he said It Was Good.
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=%22siphon+bottle%22+seltzer&gbv=2
49 JO // Apr 15, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Exactly like the old bottles with the shpritzer
50 Katie // Apr 15, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I’m not really sure, but i rmember my mom telling me that a siphon bottle is what you use to turn regular water into seltzer, Hope that helped
51 heshman // Apr 15, 2008 at 8:23 pm
I don’t know about that idea, but I did like the shpritzer until I started drinking out of bottles at which point I didn’t like it any more.
52 Me // Apr 15, 2008 at 9:24 pm
In 1948 Israel dropped siphon seltzer bottles from airplanes to fool the Arabs. It sounded like like missiles from the fizz and it sent the Arabs running scared.
53 Ko // Apr 16, 2008 at 11:00 am
The siphon bottles advantage is that it does not shpritz all over you because you don’t have to open any caps, plus it keeps the carbonation until the last drop.
you may open it today and finish it next shabbos
54 heshman // Apr 16, 2008 at 11:04 am
Never even thought about that- hey thats a good thing the Rabbis can make money on. Maybe they will ban regular seltzer bottles due to gebrokts accidents and require that you use a siphon bottle- and charge fo hechsherim etc.
55 JO // Apr 16, 2008 at 11:57 am
How much would you pay for a 2 liter seltzer (siphon cap) bottle?
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