So I am talking to my buddy last night- who wished not be mentioned- and he related that he recently went out on a shidduch with a girl(I am not sure how many dates) and it came up that he thought this here blog was funny and he knew the author. The girl thought the opposite and ended it. I FEEL SUPER COOL AT THIS MOMENT!!!
So this obviously calls for a short question/post. I had this same sort of trouble back in the day- when I wasn’t doing videos- I would date people who had no idea that any of this blogging stuff was going on and all through the date/dates I would be nervous that they would receive my work the wrong way- in fact there was one girl who went nuts. The last 6 girls or so, have all been blog related so I haven’t had that trouble- it has been troublesome because I couldn’t write about the dates- but I didn’t have to worry about them “finding” out who I was.
Of course now that I have moved to Monsey I have been set up with 3 girls already- none of whom I have actually gone out with because, honestly, the sun is out and I would rather be on my bike then on a date. But 2 of these girls will have to be dated at some point in the coming week or so and what do I do? Do I come out with it? Do I just wait for them to find me? I usually gauge the situation, I could usually tell who is going to laugh and who is going to slap me in the face- shomer negia style with a 2 by 4 of course.
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
along with your pesach preparations, please remember the needy in israel. thank you.
As a long time blogger (I have another blog besides this one that I’ve had for 7 years) I say you should bring it up. Honestly, some people will have problems with you blogging- and that’s not only true in the jewish community, some people are just weirded out by it. But blogging seems to be an important part of your life, and I presume it’s a part that you are not willing to stop for someone. So isn’t it better to quickly chase off someone who is going to freak out about your blog, than to go out with someone for a while until they find you out, at which point they will dump you anyways? I’m all about quickly getting rid of people on the first date who it will not work out with anyways…no point in dragging out something that has no future.
Also I think there are plenty of girls out there who think blogging is cool- I definitely thought more highly of my bf when I first found out he writes (especially beause he writes well). You should hold out for the person who is going to love you as you are, don’t change yourself for a person who dislikes what you do, as that way lies unhappiness.
That is my kind of answer and I agree 100% but who knows maybe other folks wont agree. I like to see all sides.
I always tell the girls I write, but in what capacity I rarely do- it almost seems conceited to bring up that I have minor frum community celebrity status- random people come up to me all the time to say – hey look its that you tube ranter guy? How would explain that to a girl eh?
Depends what bothers them.
If it’s the type of views your expressing in regards to judaism/jewish community – then theyre definitely out! But if it’s about their life being publicized…..don’t write about them !
either way, whoever gets “freaked out” about the fact that you have a blog should realistically be tossed…
Oh I learned my lesson- I am too big to just go about writing things about specific people. Almost everyone I meet tells me something that says either “dude I want a write up” or “dude don’t put me on your blog”. In fact this one women feel entitled to a write up and keeps bugging me to write about shabbos at her house.
ZK makes a good point about not writing about people (at least not without their consent). If I had a blog with as much traffic as yours, I’d use it as a filter — let people know before date one that this is something you do, but that their privacy will be respected, if they wish, and give them 24 hours to check out the blog. If they still want to go out with you, then make a date. That’s certainly fair, imo.
Thing is….as long as youre not too specific you can write about anything!
When blogging, the only ppl who (should) REALLY know who you are referring to are you and the person you’re talking about!
Once you get more personal than that it’s just rude any way you look at it.
The reason it bugs someone when you write up about them on your blog is b/c they feel personally criticized probably, or they don’t like what you’re saying about them – hit’s too close to home….but no one knows (should know) it’s about them, so it doesn’t matter….
I disagree with AE, about telling them off the cuff. Although you are very progressive in you ideals and yiddishkeit, like it or not, blogging is still considered, to a certain extent, treif. Not that i agree, and most progressives, who feel that way will coe arond when they see what its all about. So if you shun potential dates because they think bad about blogging I think you are missing out on alot of cool ppl, who you might like/love who once they get to know you and read what you are all about and see that its just a great place to have fun and swap ideas, they will come around, i think.
So in my opinion, i dont thnk you should lie, but there is no point in the first or second date to bring it up on your own, except if she does.
I agree with you Heimishe in BP(see I am torn)- although I may use the blogging thing to get rid of crappy sounding girls.
Playa!
isn’t it weird going out with girls who read this blog? your not exacly starting out on equal footing. she prob feels she knows everything about you.
i would totally go out with a blogger however if i had a blog i would never want to go out with a reader. its to weird
I don’t think it’s weird, it’s a great way to weed out all the girls you don’t want anyway. And if she likes the writing then you’re 50% to a good match. Now all you need to do is like her back or not because she already likes you enough.
Also a great way to earn dates. He probably met tons of girls through here so he doesn’t need to resort to ncsy shabatons and Jdate bullshit to find a date. I wonder what Activity Partner means in the Looking For field means.
So youve achieved frum celebrity status and people go over and ask….
That reminds me- were you by any chance biking along Ocean Parkway and J this past week? Mondayish?
I used to post a lot on onlysimchas on random peoples pages, and when I met people and told them my name, they were like, “Oh, *youre* the Mindy F. who posts on only simchas!” Yep.
I’m feeling maternal about you for some reason and I’m going to guess that since you’ve moved to Monsey, you are being set up with girls that come from more right-wing homes. They will have a problem with the blog even if–on some level–they agree with the stuff you write. A)please don’t date the NewYorkerfakers B)If you find yourself with a NYF, then don’t tell about the blog unless she is annoying and you want to annoy her back C) Get the hell out of town or get the out of towners to you–those girls will be much less likely to give a damn.
Oh, and D)the girl who dumped your friend was probably not attracted to him. Sorry. She gets to get out of the dating and tell the Shadchan that she’s “frummer, better, whateverer than him.”
Fo shizzle! If dem hoes be trippin cuz my niggas rizzle dizzle dont be up to dey standizzards den learn from ya nigga s n double-o p reachin out from da LBC to my cuz. i be pimpin all ova da world and no ho be sayin me what be done. If dey dont like my shizzle den get da fuck outta my kitchizzle. Plain and simple. Dats how we roll my nigga. Peace dawg.
IMHO you don’t need to say something right off the bat, however, if it were to come up in conversation that you write you should be forthcoming about what it is that you write. Though it’s been ages since I’ve been on a first date, I imagine your interests and hobbies would come up during one and that’s when you have this conversation.
ChanieF- My hobbies and interests come up with the shadchun- its the first thing I talk about- its also the first thing I talk about on dates.
Utube- thanks for being maternal- I do tend to befriend older ladies- although I wouldsay you are not much older then I. Anyway- you are wrong- I am being set up with people my own speed- though most of them are from right wing homes- the girls themselves are usually the older singles who moved out and went to college types. The families are usually more right wing though-but then again I stayed by two very right wing families so far that were big fans of the bog/videos- in Monsey.
Snoop Dawg- I am leaving that up because its hilarious
It probably shouldn’t be the first thing you reveal to one of your dates, because that will be their first impression of you (instead of the “real you”). But you should probably reveal it early on, so you don’t have to waste your time only to get dumped because your not a conformist, although your dates should have figured that out long before you tell them about your blog.
I should also inform you that I have no experience in these matters so take what I say with a grain of salt.
“none of whom I have actually gone out with because, honestly, the sun is out and I would rather be on my bike then on a date”
you +bikes + outside + sun + one of the girls = date
Or do I have my math wrong?
He’d be hard-pressed to find a Monsey girl that bikes. They generally don’t roll that way. I did once see a couple of chicks with mean mountain bikes in front of Bubba’s–they were around 80 years old, wearing very tight scuba-looking biking pants, seriously.
“I did once see a couple of chicks with mean mountain bikes in front of Bubba’s–they were around 80 years old, wearing very tight scuba-looking biking pants, seriously.” Ooooh, there is so much wrong with that sentence, I don’t even know where to begin.
Hesh – you address your hobbies with the shadchun? Gee, I guess there’s another reason for me to be glad I never dealt with one.
i’m feeling sort of sisterly (re: the maternal lady) i want to tell you as someone who has known you. …and knows how things go sort of, really it’s better to tell her up front. you’ll know what type of person she is . if she let’s say doesn’t like the blog– that doesn’t mean she won’t like you, you are a little harsh, and you know that. people who give people chances are hard to find man. we know that. why do you think so many people prefer to be passive aggressive when it comes to really simple stuff that wouldn’t be a big deal if they approached it at the beginning? it’s when it festers and builds that is a problem man.
i want everyone to know that you are one of the most solid people ever!!!!!! and any girl who is your girl, wherever she is, needs to be able to communicate, be patient, and just be open to surprises. dude, i could go for a nice meatball sub right now.
Maybe i’m crazy….yet still, i fail to see the big deal about the fact that you write a blog! (re: shidduch dating)
I don’t know why it’s such a hot topic to reveal….
jess- be careful your making hesh sound kinda appealing. to bad i dont bike though. sigh…..
Jess its nice to hear your alive- sorry we never got to meet up last week.
I always discuss interests and hobbies with the shadchun- its an integral part of me- just like guys classify themselves as learning guys- I say I a an outdoors guy 100%- and no this is not meant to be an argument about my hobbies influencing my dating- because that is old news- I have decided long ago that I need someone who loves nature/enviornment/being outside as much as I do- or at least understands that aspect of me and will let me roam for days alone.
What’s the matter Stacy- I don’t sound appealing.
hey ive seen your videos and youre none to shabby, and we probably have a similar sense of humor and love of ayn rand. so if you ever decide to give up your search for a frum cool girl who loves the outdoors as much as you, and go out with someone who will understand it and let you do your thing while not actually joining you, by all means why not?
actually i forgot you like older girls- im probably 6 or 7 years younger than you. guess its not meant to be..
Shouldn’t that be in an email.
eh… Eppess that headbanger personality eh.. Grada is right. I think that eh… the oilam should tackah get a dirah. But eh… If this is not a mehalech, chutch through email… Ahem… So stacy, if eh… You want, we can make a matziv, yes?
Hey Stacy any girl who wants to go out with me after having seen the old blog- can have a date.
A long time fan just asked me out from facebook and I agreed- I’ve got nothing to lose. I may say I like one thing or the other- but I pretty much go out indiscriminately- my last GF was 19 by the way,
Ok, I havnt been here in a really long time-got caught up in life…but I couldnt help myself and comment on something:
Mindy, I saw your comments on other posts and was weirded out about the idea that there was another MW on this blog. Plus we have the same name. But everyone should know that it is not me (I’v gotten some emails wondering if I was back) lol. I am the #1 yeshiva video commentor on youtube, but havnt commented on blogs in a while.
After you wrote that you are the onlysimchas commentor, i immediately knew who you were. I see you a lot at weddings and I know you from school lol! I will not disclose my identity but I want everyone to know that me and Mindy F. are not the same pple!!!
Now to Hesh-Great post, i wonder if my father was at that wedding. Oh, and I think i saw you one thursday on 18th avenue. It was raining so I’m not 100% sure it was u. but I woulda said hi. Maybe next time….
Not me, unless it was Purim night which I happened to be at a party on 18th avenue, my only reason to go to Brooklyn are dates, subsational and Burgers Bar.
If you happen to see me, definitely say hi. 2 people said hi at a wedding I went to last night
Yeah, think it was thursday purim night/day-whateva…I’d have you over for a shabbos but im a family of girls so i dont know how much my father would like that lol!
Oh come on- tell him I can entertain.
Oh why not I can stay close by, I like families of girls. Single good looking girls??? Even better.
Tell him I can entertain
I’m sure he’ll love ur entertainment because you both have the same sense of humor, but when it comes to his girls-he is shall we say quite over protective. Good looking girls we have plenty of-and thats precisely why he doesnt invite any single guys to our house!!
I’M STARTING TO BECOME A MAN-HATING FEMALE. ALL YOU GUYS HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN DATE. I’M TIRED OF WAITING BY THE PHONE FOR YOU TO CALL.
Well why can’t you call us? I am super turned on by girls who cut the crap and call first and don’t play the age old games of chivalry- its just plain stupid for you people to sit around and wait, if you wait something to happen it can’t be one sided.
that’s only possible if both parties have each other’s numbers (I have no idea what’s up w/superfrum, that’s just my own observation on the topic). And although, in some cases, of course one can simply look up a guy’s # in the phone book and get it that way, it’s much nicer if the # comes from the actual guy. just my opinion.
I am talking about situations in which both parties have each others numbers. It irks me when you call the girl she calls you and you call her- it can never be she calls you twice and so on.
Do I hear an upcoming post
superfrum- are you for real? get a life. wtf are you doing waiting by the phone?
get a hobby. and read some susan faludi.
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Hello!
Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language
See you!
Your, Raiul Baztepo