So I went to Washington Heights for Megilla reading this year figuring that when I get bored I could at least have something to look at. For all of those that somehow stay interested after the first banging of Haman you can stop reading here, for everyone else who probably has the same condition that I have welcome to my world of MADD (Megilla Attention Deficit Disorder)
Anyone in the shul could have picked me out, first of all because I was one of the few unfortunate ones who had to sit in the makeshift section of loose seating placed on the floor. I chose these seats because of the leg room, unfortunately their sunken level restricted full views into the women’s section which is really the only reason someone would come to Mt Sinai shul in Washington Heights- for all of you who do not know- the Heights as it is locally known is the fastest growing singles community in the world and is predominantly made up of Modern Orthodox Machmir girls and boys- some of the ladies are super cuties as well- I do recommend a shabbos spent there. For all of the uninitiated Mt. Sinai is home to the most conducive mechitza for looking at women without actually appearing to do so- in the world. The men and women sit across from each other and can look right in, I always forget my glasses and have to suffer with squinting, which I am sure the women can see, but since I cannot see them watching me I am content with this type of Asian influenced staring.
So I am sitting in front with my buddy big Jerry looking around for random people, checking out the ladies and realizing that the artscroll siddur in my hand just didn’t have the megilla in it. Silence engulfed the room, punctuated by a few solo coughing concertos and we were off. Everyone looked into their fraying paper megillas with the cooler people balancing the stone chumash on their laps and the even cooler more chushav people looking at megilla scrolls.
Next time megilla rolls around, take a look at the room and notice how entranced everyone is at the start. Everyone looks intently into their megillas and follows along. I never do of course, and by the time I figure out where we are, its usually at that point of the ten sons in breath. So, like I was saying take a look around after 3 or 4 hamans have been booed at, you will see everyone has lost it. Half the people including myself are signaling to their friends how many pages are left. People are counting the pages, if you want it to go by faster use the Stone Chumash- the bigger pages will make it seem shorter. Regardless, most of the shul has Megilla Attention Deficit Disorder or MADD.
I personally like the shuls that only bang for the first and last haman, this shul had some lame banging (yes you can insert a sick sexual joke here- in fact every year when people start talking about banging- I just start cracking up- proof of my immaturity of course) The fact there were carpets didn’t help and the fact that scrawny YU kids just don’t seem like the type to scream unless its at one of these color war rallies at Camp Moshava. Also the lack of children was detrimental to the caliber of booing and banging for haman. I noticed there were no free graggers, and no one was shooting cap guns, plain old lame. It seemed like people had other stuff on their minds like the YU purim chaggiga and the local eruv politics.
So I am one of those people that never knows what they are saying during the few times that things of response are said during the megilla reading. My buddy also had no clue what was flying, as I am sure many other people who had lost the place during the first paragraph. So the point of response came up and I mumbled pretending I knew what I was saying- just so I wasn’t the token dude that had no idea, my buddy did the same- I wonder how many others did the same.
I didn’t even realize how lame the banging was until the next day, at the straggler megilla reading at Ohev Shalom for those who partied the night before- that’s a whole different story. So at this reading there were 5 kids and they all had some noise making devices. One of them had a small gragger and one a larger wooden one- the smaller one had gragger envy- I could see it in his eyes.
There really isn’t much to do during megilla, I was suffering intensely even before the halfway point, whatever that was- because my buddy found out where we were in the last perek. There is a feeling of accomplishment to find where you are after it was lost to you. Its kind of like finding out where they are in slichos- or even better hoshanos. Those two things I always get lost and do my own thing and then catch up at the main parts. Megilla is different, you have to sit and suffer. I did some leg crosses, shifted my weight several times and tried squinting at the women to no avail. Ritalin may have helped, I was suffering immensely.
Then it came to me by accident, the lights located directly above me provided me with a perfect venue to work on my hand shadows. So I did dogs and cats and horses and chuckled to myself as one hadn ate the other hand. I should mention that at some point we did receive megillas but they were in Russian, and I just was never down with the whole cerilac thing. If anyone in the shul saw what I was doing it must have looked pretty weird. Here you have some 26 year old dude in the middle of megilla making shadow animals on the red carpet of a shul, but it was fun.
Do you have Megilla Attention Deficit Disorder?
Take a look at my post on Shul Attention Deficit Disorder
28 responses so far ↓
1 monseychick // Mar 22, 2008 at 10:04 pm
ha my mom always got so pissed at me when i was younger cuz i can never sit still long enough. even this year, my sister had to poke me to stop me from checking my phone. i argued with her that i can txt and listen at the same time
and btw, last year for the first time, i knew what to say when e/o says stuff out loud
2 ADHD Report» Blog Archive » Do have Megilla Attention Deficit Disorder? // Mar 22, 2008 at 10:46 pm
[...] nugiosthessReally interesting read I found today:So I went to Washington Heights for Megilla reading this year figuring that when I get bored I could at least have something to look at. For all of those that somehow stay interested after the first banging of Haman you can stop reading … [...]
3 Headbanger // Mar 23, 2008 at 3:49 am
I’m one of those paranoid people that feel bad if I miss that one word and won’t be yotzeh. If I came down to shul anyway and I have to sit through it, I may as well score some points to shove up the prosecuting angels ass who is convincing god to send me back down as a horses testicle until some chassid decides to chop me up and put me in his cholent for shabbos and earn my neshama it’s aliya.
But every year no matter how hard I try and no matter how long I go without blinking, I always walk out feeling I missed one word at some point. Either a kid banged at the wrong word, a baby starts crying, or the reader just swallows a word mid-sentence, I just walk out feeling like crap. It’s not like I’m getting the other mitzvos of purim, my parents practically do them for me, so I really try with the megilla. And this year I practically had to go to shul the second I got home from partying and my eyes were tearing during the morning reading.
4 Child Ish Behavior // Mar 23, 2008 at 9:57 am
You have got to pony up and spend the 1000 bucks on a parchment maggila. Then you’d have a vested interest in keeping the place. You afterall just spent a fortune on a maggila. So what that you only use it one day a year. It is actually worth it, the story takes a little meaning then. But good luck beating the Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) we’re all rooting for you.
5 heshman // Mar 23, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Headbanger awesome comment and you speak the truth- I have never heard every word.
Childish- your link is up and I know what MADD is. Is that really how much it costs for the scroll.
6 Child Ish Behavior // Mar 24, 2008 at 12:27 am
Ya. there was this dude with a long white beard selling them after shul one day. I told him I had one already. He was offering me 10 easy payments.
7 mother in israel // Mar 24, 2008 at 8:28 am
My husband and I met in the Heights and attended Mt. Sinai too, both while single and afterward. Did you ever tell us about your weekend date?
8 Hesh // Mar 24, 2008 at 10:46 am
I never did, it went well, although we were not for each other. Th problem with dating people you meet from your blog is that you really cannot talk about the nitty gritty- because she still reads this stuff I assume.
9 Zehava // Mar 24, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Follow along in english…it’s amazing!
10 Headbanger // Mar 24, 2008 at 12:59 pm
It happens to be one of the filthiest stories you’ll ever read, but you have to learn the mefarshim to dig out the dirt the pesukim don’t tell you.
Let’s see, Vashti was supposed to come out nude, the actual party of achashverosh involved hundreds of thousands of jews sleeping with a woman who was not their wife that night, Achashverosh was a total pig himself only after the finest “virgins” due to his lack of abilities in bed, Haman “falling” on the bed in such a way that the king actually thought he’s undoing her royal garments, and many other slip-ups like a woman instituting a public fast that ended up being forced on the men because women these days use every excuse in the book why they don’t have to keep it. Where’s your equality now?
11 heshman // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:25 pm
So what your saying is that JOFA jewish orthodox feminist alliance should have banned the reading of megilas esther.
Sounds like my kind of story, maybe I’ll get a little midrash says for next years readings. Sounds like something out of Nuvee.
12 Headbanger // Mar 24, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Well this is Kesuvim so it’s closely related. Nuvee is one big lord of the rings /300 story. Blood and tits.
13 heshman // Mar 24, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I’ll tell you I always think of playing some power metal when learning Nuvee. You know like some Manowar or Maiden would be perfect.
14 Headbanger // Mar 24, 2008 at 2:21 pm
True that my fellow brother of metal.
Songs that fit classic nuvee tales: Way of The warrior by hammerfall, Hero’s return by hammerfall, heeding the call by hammerfall, the trooper by iron maiden, anything by manowar but specifically Warriors of the world United. And Wanderer by Ensiferum. It’s a good battle song, youtube or myspace it. Catchy shit.
15 s(b.) // Mar 24, 2008 at 4:19 pm
“you have to learn the mefarshim to dig out the dirt the pesukim don’t tell you.” -hb
no, you don’t (no, I don’t, anyway). Zehava’s right. Read along in English and it jumps right out at you. War Pigs is always delightful. Benevento/Russo Duo do a nice instrumental version of it. They’re at Mexicali on Thursday, btw (I’m working, but if you go, have fun).
16 heshman // Mar 24, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I hate the DUo I have no idea how they weasiled their way onto the jam band circuit. I saw them with Loutus at Rev Hall and was motified. Industrial Metal at a jam band show, blech!!!!!!!!!
17 s(b.) // Mar 24, 2008 at 9:31 pm
by playing their ___s off night after night for years, that’s how. Bustle in Your Hedgerow (a Led Zeppelin covers project featuring the duo w/the bass player from Ween and Scott Metzger (from Rana, I think) kicks some serious ___. I realize nothing is everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t get Lotus at all. Or The New Deal ( I saw them open for Oysterhead, years ago. As for Oysterhead, I dig Primus, The Police and Trey, but together, They’re just not for me. During davening, my tastes lean more toward hippy-dippy tunes (for lack of better words).
18 heshman // Mar 25, 2008 at 7:57 am
Primus eh, ok just to suit your tastes I may have to bust out a music post so everyone can get their rocks off arguing or discussing music.
S- as you can see I am bad at email response- which I feel bad about because it was a long email.
19 Susanne G // Mar 25, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Why didn’t you stay for the shpiel?! We made fun of West Siders like it was no one’s business. You woulda appreciated. Even made a phylactery date joke. Mucho excellente!
20 YUHeights // Mar 26, 2008 at 10:12 am
You obviously have a pseudo-fascination/envy of normal modern orthodox folk. I’m sorry you have suffered such a weird Yeshiva upbringing and were denied a normal education (which is not to say you’re not bright)- but I’ve read many of your posts and there’s a persistent theme: Fascination with normal religious/modern Othodox YU types. You’ve been overexposed to the Yeshivish world, which is too bad. Not all dati jews are like that.
21 Hesh // Mar 26, 2008 at 11:11 am
Considering the fact I attended Manhattan Day School went to Camop Moshava and was involved with NCSY I would say I don’t have a fascination, I was involved and still am- but if you read further- I also have a severe condition of being Hyperboli- in that I love to over embelish.
Furthermore I grew up on the upper west side- bastion of Modern Orthodoxy. Oh and my family would be called modern orthodox to the left since growing up we used to eat out milchigs and turn on the tv on friday nights
22 YUHeights // Mar 26, 2008 at 10:45 pm
My bad- way way off. I thought you went to scranton yeshiva or something. I think my impression of you is also shaped by your poor spelling in English. Also, your yeshivishy transliteration of Hebrew indicates a shaky knowledge of that language as well. I would spell check stuff before putting it out there (btw- hyperbole)
23 YUHeights // Mar 26, 2008 at 10:48 pm
oh, you were saying hyperbolic. Anyway, your posts have numerous other misspellings.
So maybe your permissive upbringing has left you fascinated with charedim and the need to post about the frum world? I dunno, I’m no shrink .
24 Hesh // Mar 27, 2008 at 8:01 am
You must have not been reading this blog for too long. First of all my disclaimer will tell you all about my poor spelling and grammar.
Back in the day, about a year ago when this blog first started getting traffic upwards of 500 people a day I had a load of critics- and all they ever complained about was how I was an idiot for my poor spelling- to which my response was- everything is typed in word- prior to posting- of course my impatience and haste in posting- doesn’t allow for proper editing- but then again most bloggers do not bring you material every day. Good material at that- I am not just saying that- most people are confident that I will post at least 4-6 times a week.
25 heimish in bp // Mar 27, 2008 at 1:24 pm
and we love you for that
26 heshman // Mar 27, 2008 at 1:43 pm
wow I feel so loved- dude. Now dude I know you are up to editing this WIKI I am doing- already have some folks in there posting stuff.
http://frumslang.com
27 Anonymous // Mar 27, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Most of my frum-slang knowledge, revolves around my yiddish, chasiddissh, yeshivish,and heimish slang knowledge. And I am more then honored to help out with such an important collection, our society has been missing in this age of histeria.
28 heimish in bp // Mar 27, 2008 at 3:15 pm
sorry that was me, forgot to put in my name
Leave a Comment