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Thoughts before, during and after a shidduch date

I find that no matter who I go out with, my attitudes and experiences in the dating process are pretty much the same. I get the same nervousness prior to the phone call, after the call, before the date, during the date and the awkward decision making after the date. I dont get that nervous and the nervousness can depend on how I feel at different times about the person I have been set up with, but its always there.

The Hook Up:

In the past couple weeks there have been plenty of these and they are usually pitched to me by someone who has been reading my work, watching my videos and that person wants to hook me up with one of their friends. My initial thoughts are always the same, wow if this person has seen me ranting like a lunatic about the most ridiculous things and has read about my adventures in shul that sometimes require that I throw in my over the mechitza looking, they must be nuts like me.

The hook up can also be from random people who know me, which is always iffy, because the people who really know me never hook me up unless its soppy seconds- meaning they have dated the girl already. So people who meet me once- try to hook me up and they always have this great idea and they of course met me once as I was shoveling cholent and cranberry cobbler down my gullet.

Pre-Call:

So I agreed to make the call, I debate when, now is too early, now is too late. Do I really want to date this girl, I should have done some reference checking, no I am not that type, oh but I should be it would save so much time. Then I make the call, I always have sweaty hands and always have my gut in my throat. The feeling is similar to when your 15 and the girl you have been staring at, stares back. Same feeling.

The Call:

The awkward beginning, trying to break the ice, hoping for a talkative girl. Oh man shes not talking, break the awkward silence, brilliant man why dont you relish in the silence, talk about it. Or maybe shes a talker, she sounds cool, wow what a surprise. Or what the hell were these people thinking- yes thats usually how it is. What on earth were these people thinking, this girl is my antitheses. Or maybe it was some girl who contacted me after seeing my blog, I think she thought I was someone else, she thinks she can judge me based on my blog, wrong way to do it honey. Shes probably thinking the same way.

After Call:

I really dont want to go out with this girl. Should I call the shadchun and tell her no way? Should I call the girl, no Ill email her, so much easier, email rejects, the space age man! Maybe I should just take the plunge, she wasnt that bad. Frumster is the best, because after the crappy calls, such as the one in which the girl told me we should talk again because she hadnt finished the list of questions her rebetzin had written down for her. She got a rejection message on email stating that my rabbi thought it wasnt for me- wacky BT syndrome.

2 Days before the Date:
Man where the hell am I supposed to take this chick? She didnt sound like the type to walk around the park in the cold, I hope she doesnt expect me to buy her anything, man I dont get my paycheck for another week. Strabucks, will she think I am too clich, how about a museum, well maybe she will get offended by all the nudity? Maybe I can take her hiking, eh I dont want to pay the tolls. I wish they all lived in Monsey it would be so much easier.

The Pick Up:

I usually wait in the car, because girls seem to favor neighborhoods with little or no parking. OMG I see her, how can I miss her shes hot/fat/nasty/cute/sexy/ photo shopped her picture/should have known about the upper body frumster picture/next time Ill ask for a picture/jeez shes very manly/ I wonder if she had a sex change/ oy vey/shit-uch.

The door debate- I do not open car doors for women, I have done it, one time exactly, I find it too weird. Beating your date to the car door and having her sit alone while she takes her time to adjust to the smells wafting from my car, my car stinks by the way, even the periodic pre-date deodorant and cologne sprays cannot mask the smells of biking and hiking gear growing mold in the back seat, I guess thats where station wagons dont work out so well.

So I dont like the whole opening the car door for the girl, it bugs me. I do open up normal doors, though opening up doors sometimes gets sketchy especially in the by accident touching department. What if the door opens inward and the doorway is narrow, and maybe your date or yourself are a large person, touching will happen.

So the pick up is probably the most awkward part of the date, besides the drop off. Nothing beats the drop off for awkwardness, but Ill get to that later. So your stuck in your cocoon of steel and cheap plastic. For several minutes your date has to be within 2 feet of you, luckily I have a stick shift, it allows me to escape the girls who are so charmed by me they just want to leap over the seat and jump my bones.

The Date:

This isnt so bad, why was I so nervous on shabbos, dates are always on Saturday night or Sunday, although if I worked the hours of most city people I waste a weeknight on a date, why waste a free day, I never understood it. Weeknights also allow for quick escapes should the date go awry, because you have the excuse that you are working tomorrow.

Usually the guy takes the lead and wraps up the date. I have been on several dates in which the girl busted out the premature date ending. One girl gave mean hour and a half and then called it quits using the I never go on long first dates excuse, I liked it, it made me like her more, I enjoy confident women.

The best dates have even conversation, which is hard with an extrovert like myself, some girls leave you wanting more. Most girls bore the hell out of me, nah its not that bad, I can always write about it. Which leads me to my dilemma, as I get more known, most of my dates know about the blog and read it regularly so I cannot write about specific dates, unless they dont mind, I have had several who asked me to write about it. It used to be the debate whether to tell them about the whole operation I have going, but now its more like- they already know, they better know or they will dump me 3 dates into the relationship when they figure out who I am. Someone should do a study on how long it takes for someone to decide whether to go on a second date. Is it within 3 minutes of meeting the person, is it before talking on the phone, was it from the phone conversation- or do people actually decide during or after the date. I always wonder this, because I can usually tell within 30 minutes of meeting the person, although I have been pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised at myself and my dates.

End of the Date:
Whether you are walking your date to her door, or dropping her off at her house, the drop off is always awkward, at least to me. Do you ask them out again here, or wait for the even more awkward after date phone call? Do you reject them here, or let them relish in their happiness talk about with their roommates over ice cream pints and peanut butter, only to receive a rejection phone call a day later, as their second date fantasy is ruined.

Whatever route I choose, I always feel bad to reject someone. Oh and I always feel weird whatever the outcome may be.

Post Date Phone Call:
So you didnt have the balls to ask her out again or reject her right there, so you put yourself through the phone call of death. I know its not that bad, but my hands are sweating the most and I am always freaked out by it, kind of like getting up during your first pre-school performance, except I usually dont want to picture my date in her underwear, well sometimes. But here goes nothing, as we practiced.

It always goes the same way, you and date have 5 minute friendly conversation and then get down to business. Its game time, either you reject with an excuse, or if you are indifferent you can ask her how she feels. If you are a bastard you can ask her how she feels, knowing she wants to get down and dirty and then reject her, you sicko.

If its rejecting that your doing, the after phone call feeling is always one of elation, loads are lifted off your shoulders and you feel accomplished. If you asked her out again, you start scheming and telling your friends that this could be the one, depending on what community you are in, the girl may think you might propose the next date, or maybe you will have to prepare for a sit-in.

{ 54 comments… add one }
  • Chaya February 13, 2008, 6:21 PM

    Dear Potential Alaskan Co-Traveler,

    I like your blog, but I’d never go on a date with you. Ever. Of course I’d set you up.

    P.s. Do you really think that girls sit and excitedly talk about a potential second dates while eating ice cream? Men, sigh.

    xoxoxo,
    Chaya

    P.s. Turns out I know someone who moved to Alaska. Free hostel. You in?

  • jennthejewess February 13, 2008, 6:41 PM

    Hesh….I wanna go out with u so u can write abt me- am I vain? 🙂

  • heshman February 13, 2008, 6:51 PM

    Dude free place to stay in Alaska??? We should just get married or something.

    Jenn I’m in, but you may have to buy me dinner- don’t worry Subsational is my fave place and its cheap.

  • Powermetal Head February 13, 2008, 6:57 PM

    In a way I am envious of you, your blog has become so popular that you don’t really need to search for dates anymore, you simply find one off your comments column. It’s really great. Ashrei Chelkecha.

    I’m curious if any shidduchim have really been made between commenters of yours. Like Yanky says something, and Sara agrees. Then she wets herself. Then they meet at a cafe and announce the Lchaim.

  • heshman February 13, 2008, 7:23 PM

    Well you know what before the summer I had two commenters that I put in touch because they started getting interested in each other after having it out on the commenters floor.

    MW and Tzivo- I have no idea what ended up happening because after I got them in contact with on another they stopped commenting. MW comments once in a while and if you look at older posts she commented a lot. Then just off and ran.

  • s(b) February 13, 2008, 8:30 PM

    I’m waiting for a Post Your Ad In the Comments Section post. lol
    In the meantime, Hesh, here are some links to inexpensive or free fun in NYC:
    Kerouac exhibit at NY Public Library: http://www.nypl.org/research/calendar/exhib/hssl/celisthssl.cfm
    Free fun in nyc (links): http://gonyc.about.com/od/freestuff/Free_Activities_Amusements_and_Events.htm
    More links to free stuff: http://www.nycvisit.com/content/index.cfm?pagePkey=372
    Even More links: http://gonyc.about.com/cs/freestuff/a/aa040902d.htm
    More, more, more (how do you like it?): http://www.all-ny.com/info/ny-funforfree-1.html
    Some neat stuff, here: http://freenyc.net/
    Zoo is right. Same goes for aquariums and botanical gardens. I know some links above have links to them.
    Winter fun; ignore the stuff thats too kiddie: http://www.mommypoppins.com/mommy-poppins-winter-fun-guide/
    http://www.mommypoppins.com/ also posts free stuff for the weekend on Friday.

    Stupid question: Does the average joe frumstar drink fountain drinks (soda, iced tea) out (like at a bar, if he’s not in the mood for alcohol, or if he doesn’t drink)? I realize people’s mileage may vary. I’ve got some relatives who would, others who wouldn’t. Is there anything close to a probable answer to this question in frumvelt? Jane frumstar, too. Thanks.

  • Powermetal Head / Ben February 13, 2008, 10:07 PM

    Well, the rest is left to our imaginations. My imagination shows two people in bed. If they ever break it up you’ll have your commenters back. You’re not really getting used anyway. If people match up, good for them.

  • heshman February 13, 2008, 11:13 PM

    Nah I want some of the shadchun money dawg. Maybe they were from Baltimore and I would get mad loot from the Star-K or something

  • chnyock February 13, 2008, 11:31 PM

    I hear wedding bells hesh.

    good luck!

  • nuch a looser February 13, 2008, 11:49 PM

    hesh – another clear BT almost turned frummy: power metalhead

    how to I know this? first he writes ” Ashrei Chelkecha” then later “i see two people in bed”.

    make up your mind, medalhead.

  • Reader February 13, 2008, 11:52 PM

    Has there been anyone here that you’ve been interested in of late?

  • WebGirl February 14, 2008, 12:37 AM

    I was just chewing the fat with NJG the other week about this. I was wondering how to possibly use the blog to meet normal frum guys. I get some fan mail from men but it’s mostly from wackos. I was thinking maybe a contest: “Write a 300 word essay about why you are a great frum guy (and include a list of any meds you might be on) and win a dinner date with WebGirl!” Sigh. Nah. Maybe we should have an anonymous frum single blogger and commenter party. We could all go and wear bags on our heads, pink for the girls and blue for the boys. There would have to be a lot of alcohol. A lot.

    -WG

  • Powermetal Head / Ben February 14, 2008, 12:54 AM

    Hey Sorry nuch a loser,

    I don’t want to rain on your party, but unfortunately I’m just one of those ordinary boring people that kept the mitzvos from when he was trained to do them. I also live in a world inhabited by human beings so I tend to know about certain things like hormones and sexual activity. I tend to use funny frum words from time to time mainly because I think the words are fun to imitate and sometimes really get your point accross metaphorically. You should see the reactions you get when you’re sitting with some friends and throw words like “avadeh” and “mistama” along with your secular speech. The astonished faces are a good enough reason to try it.

  • heshman February 14, 2008, 3:02 AM

    Hey web girl I have some great ideas, you should email me and we can chat- thats how I reel em in haha, no really I have some ideas, depends how anonymous you want to be.

    By the way I seriously want to have a blogger only meet up, you know everyone goes but since most bloggers are anonymous they don’t have to say who they are- people can wonder who they are, but no one will really know.

  • Frank February 14, 2008, 3:17 AM

    Back in the day a kiss good night was a sign of a good date. An exchange of saliva and a dry hump was a super date. Those Stern girls from Omaha and St Louis were the best

  • WebGirl February 14, 2008, 4:28 AM

    Hesh, I have no idea what your email address is…can’t find it on the blog, but mine is theroadtaken613@gmail.com. Blogger get-together for real? Gulp. Sounds scary. Yikes. I was sorta half kidding about the contest thing; Frumster is bad enough in terms of self-marketing. But yeah, we can chat.

    Now we gotta talk about the car. You cannot, absolutely CANNOT have a smelly car on a date. If you ever wanna catch yourself a wife or even a little sugar, a smelly car is the anti-aphrodisiac. I mean, if I get into a car that is even messy, I want the date to be over. Smelly? No, uh uh. Do me a favor and detail the car. If you can’t afford that, please please pretty please pick up a can of Febreeze and go over the upholstery and then leave the windows down for a few nights. Then go over the upholstery with Febreeze again. A smelly car is not good. No sirree bob.

    -WG

  • ~ Sarah ~ February 14, 2008, 7:44 AM

    thanks for sharing the guy’s perspective.

    webgirl: your idea sounds interesting, there’s potential there!!

  • heshman February 14, 2008, 1:40 PM

    I did exaggerate, I am pretty good with smell removal, but I would never detail my baby- I have 284,000 miles on the thing with a slew of bumper stickers. Fbereeze works wonders. My car would smell even if they detailed it, I keep a stove, tent and camping gear in the car at all times- extreme outdoorsman here.

  • I'm Baaack!! February 14, 2008, 4:30 PM

    Hesh, you want shadchanus?

  • s(b.)/gotv February 14, 2008, 6:11 PM

    My car’s got all my camping gear in it, too. I moved in October, and had to clean out my car to do that. I’d put it back in, but I want to be able to throw my bike in the back (Focus Wagon w/roof rack, bought mostly for its 70+ cubic feet of interior storage room for summer camping at music festivals), too. I don’t have my own stove, yet (I was with someone who had one, for a few years), but I know the one I want to get. It’s beautiful. ((excitement for camping gear))

    Here’s a weekend date option for you (NYC this weekend, Kingston the next):
    http://www.rapidmedia.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=219&Itemid=1

  • jennthejewess February 14, 2008, 6:24 PM

    MW and Tzivo…lol I remember wen we used to attack MW – sorry!

    Hesh we can def meet up- i think it was upposed to happen although i think we have abt zero in common so well see how long we can keep the convo going.

    Oh and smelly car yuck! We’ll meet there.

  • heshman February 14, 2008, 8:56 PM

    S(B) You know I live near Kingston! Always good to have the camping gear in the car- you never know when a hiking date can turn into a camping out/tefilin date.

    So your a music festival person eh? I’ve always wanted to hit up the Moe-Down, gathering of the vibes, Telluride and that big one in northern Minnesota.

  • s(b.)/gotv February 14, 2008, 11:20 PM

    I had no idea where you lived, actually, lol, just somewhere south of Albany, probably north of New Paltz, based on where you’ve written about hiking and biking. I’ve got some friends up in Glens Falls and a few on the way back down to the city from there, so I’m vaguely familiar with the area. The midnight rambles at Levon Helm’s place in West Hurleyville are awesome (but very expensive — I wound up at one once, very late, ’cause Donna the Buffalo was at the Woodstock Playhouse the next day, and that was on Jambase, so we called, they said come on up, and we got there so late, no one asked us for money [we donated]). The cops on route 32 sure do enforce the speed limit!

    Anyway, if you don’t go see live music during the three weeks or the nine days, no gotv for you this summer, I’m afraid. No Grassroots Festival (in Trumansburg) or Grey Fox (they just found a new place near Albany), either (technically, you could catch most of it, but tzom tammuz is on Sunday of that weekend, and if you go to Grassroots, leaving on Saturday night will totally give you something to mourn about).

    There are, however, plenty of other great festivals that aren’t during that period. I haven’t gone to Telluride (but wouldn’t that be sweet?) or High Sierra, yet. I’m working on Langerado (in early March, in Florida). There are plenty of great festivals that aren’t during that little chunk of summer, though.

    I don’t know much about the laws related to DIY eruvim, as far as keeping shabbos at festivals goes, but I’ve had a few shabbat dinners with people at them, over the years. It’s always a good time, though you may want to beware of anyone who offers you shabbos brownies. (They’re more than just parve/ pareve/ transliteration always looks funny.)

  • Dofan Akuma February 15, 2008, 6:31 AM

    hesh, i want you to know this:
    i have been married for five years and every now and then i open the car door for my wife (like especially when we’re going out alone or something). it makes her feel special and it’s a little demonstration of my affection.
    (i don’t think this has much bearing on dates to tell the truth — i guess i’m just saying that i am great.)

    in terms of dating, i thought dating was pretty much a blast. i really enjoy a good shmooze, and i didn’t focus too much on ‘whether or not i want to marry this person’ which i think gets in the way of figuring out whether you enjoy spending time with her.
    you know that scene in pulp fiction where uma thurman says to john travolta something like you don’t have to always be talking on a date, sometimes it nice to just share a silence? (she says it much more elegantly, but you know what i mean). well, that, i would say, is the goal. to be so comfortable, that you simply enjoy s p e n d i n g t i m e together.

    i didn’t do many ‘activities’ on my dates (at least one girl i took out was a little peeved because i was too boring and didn’t take her to karaoke). but for me i liked long-ish car rides just cuz it gave me a chance to shmooze without much distraction.

    (also, just for the record, i was totally, completely, shomer negia, including my eventual 4- month engagement)

    dude, best of luck on your dating. if you ever need a place to stay in monsey… just let me know (leave a comment on my blog)
    😉

  • heshman February 15, 2008, 12:48 PM

    Dofan- that was an awesome comment- thank you. Hey you never know I have an interview with a company located around Monsey- if I get it- I may take you up on that offer.

  • Sheva February 15, 2008, 1:02 PM

    Just by the way, my parents are married about 22 years. My dad always opens the car door for my mom. And there was someone in the neighborhood who still opened the car door for his wife after about 50 years of marriage – and that was one of the things she spoke about at his shiva. It’s a sign of respect, and like Dofan Akuma said, affection. Women appreciate it (I know I do on dates). What I don’t get is why guys mind it so much. Literally, you can get any guy to complain about it if you just introduce the topic. What’s the big deal?

  • heshman February 15, 2008, 1:31 PM

    I think its the weirdness I feel about getting to the car door first, and then having to awkwardly walk around the car.

    It just doesn’t feel right thats all.

  • s(b.)/gotv February 15, 2008, 3:52 PM

    My friend, Jeremy (now married with a daughter out in Colorado), taught me by example about what to do with car doors, back in ’94.

    Regardless of shotgun passenger gender, he always opened the passenger’s door first — just unlocked and opened it enough to hand it to the shotgun rider (there was a button inside to get the back doors from the front seats; if there was rear passengers, he’d hit that then, too), then go around his side and get in the car. And I do the same.

    No waiting for the other person to get in, just open and hand off, if the person is able to close the door (I will wait and close the door for my grandmother or any elderly/handicapped person, though).

    It’s nice to offer whatever (in this case, vehicle entry) to your guest(s) first — same principle, I figure. I also wait until my shotgun has their seatbelt fastened, before hitting the gas, as a matter of safety as well as courtesy.

    With the advent of clickers (remote car door opening devices), I just let the other person know that their door is already open. If there are elderly/ handicapped/ pregnant/ people with small children riding, I’m glad to get the door for them, if it seems like that would be helpful.

    For opening doors, if I’m first, and someone’s behind me, I hold it for them, regardless of gender, if I have time. If they’re e/h/p/kids (as in paragraph above), I make time. I let someone who is exiting (when I want to enter) exit first (law of subways and elevators) and hold the door for them to help hasten their exit. It’s not about gender, it’s about efficient flow. At least that’s how I look at it.

  • heshman February 15, 2008, 4:17 PM

    Wow so the door issue is a bigger then I thought. Interesting, I unfortunately do not have a working clicker, I think my alarm went haywire at around 220k miles so I just took the fuse out- so now I have to open my doors from one door- the only door that locks from the outside is the trunk by the way and that means I have to climb in my car- thank God for station wagons.

  • Sheva February 15, 2008, 4:33 PM

    If you’re walking with someone to the car, you should get there about the same time. Most girls know that guys might open the door, so they hang back a little bit so he can do it if he wants, and not if not. Plus, how can a walk around the car be awkward – she’s settling in, buckling up, taking a look around. By the time she’s done, he’s around and in. The biggest problem I have (as do a lot of girls) is once the door is open, will he hang around to close it, or just go? Some say to hang around is better – manners and all – and some say it’s not, because when girls get into the car to sit, skirts can ride up over the knees. In any case, nothing you’d have to worry about 🙂

  • s(b.)/gotv February 15, 2008, 5:58 PM

    I don’t think the door is an issue at all, I just tend to ramble and I noticed lots of people seemed to think it was one, so I tossed in my two cents. Personally, I don’t care if a guy opens the door for me. If it’s cold out, it’s nice to theoretically warmer sooner, but that only works if you’re being picked up in a car that has already been running. If you go somewhere (starbucks, for example :D) and then go out to a cold car, who cares? In the summer, I have no interest in getting into a hot car first/faster at all.

    re: you car’s doors — that’s funny. Do you know how to replace a fuse, or does your alarm go nuts if you replace it, too? I replaced one of my fuses, once. It was pretty easy, actually. I create no knees issues ’cause I’m usually wearing pants or jeans. :dust cloud of male readers running away from my lack of skirt:

  • heshman February 15, 2008, 6:03 PM

    Oh no you misunderstood. My alarm system went haywire to the point that my doors would lock automatically even if I was in the car with them unlocked. I was scared I would leave it running and it would lock with the keys inside. I sought professional help and they all said its a Subaru thing and I need to have my whole wiring system replaced.

    So I opted for the ghetto option- I removed the fuse that sends power to the locks and my problems were solved, I now have manual locks.

  • s(b.)/gotv February 15, 2008, 6:47 PM

    Cool. And wow, that’s nuts. My old escort hatchback had an engine light that wouldn’t turn off [apparently a Ford thing, back then]). I understand that fear; I tend to leave a window down if I’m doing stuff outside my car with it running. If I’m cleaning ice and snow off my car, I just double-check that it’s unlocked and pray.

  • RE February 19, 2008, 2:11 AM

    Question for you: None of these girls – while waiting patiently for you in your stick shift car – have leaned over to unlock your door for you as you walked over to your side? For real??

  • heshman February 19, 2008, 4:07 AM

    RE: I am not sure I understand, are you saying they should open my door for me. My doors are always unlocked anyways- my locks do not work.

  • M February 19, 2008, 6:23 AM

    And besides, why *should* girls open the car door for guys? It’s not like we’re their mothers… Don’t tell me that’s the new advent of feminism….

  • RE February 19, 2008, 1:20 PM

    Feminism? No way, lady! I just meant that I have always felt ridiculous twiddling my thumbs while the guy walks around to his side of the car. There’s not enough time to snoop through the glove box, and fiddling with the radio pre-sets will just get you in trouble…So – leaning over to unlock the drivers side, in my experience, has been a good way to pass the 4 second walk.

  • heshman February 19, 2008, 1:39 PM

    She’s right never fiddle with a guys radio, you can do just about anything besides that. I never play music on a shidduch date, unless they ask. One girl whom I knew liked punk rock, looked through my CD’s and put something on.

    Oh and I agree the door thing seems too weird although WebGirl thinks it is a big deal in this post.
    http://derechtaken.blogspot.com/2008/02/how-to-go-on-date.html

  • RE February 19, 2008, 9:43 PM

    I like her post, but she brought up a different point – car doors and restaurant (or pizza place) aren’t the same thing. Most girls have it drummed into their heads that it’s something to expect if you’re dating. So automatically when a guy doesn’t hold the door open, he’s labelled as a – well, as a guy that doesn’t hold the door open. It’s like a non-verbal cue to pull out your wallet, because he’s not even going to offer to pay :-O

  • Anonymous February 22, 2008, 12:21 AM

    Hey Mr Hesh: I just got home and I had to share tonight’s story. So, it’s date #1 with this guy I’ve been set up with – as if things aren’t awkward enough – when he went to open the car door for me, he slipped on the ice and fell flat out when he was walking around to his door! Yipes! Thankfully he was ok (that, and I’m not so good when people start to cry) To sum it up, I agree, the car door thing is a move best kept for the summer, if at all. Or Florida.

  • Hesh February 22, 2008, 1:12 AM

    Thank you for that story I am still laughing. That would have made a great shidduch bloopers video- hey thats a good idea for a short film or something- kind of like the classic scene when the guy gets up and he by accidentally tucked the table cloth into his pants and he takes it with him.

  • Rach February 22, 2008, 2:57 AM

    Haha, yeah great story, were u like trying not to laugh when he got into the car, did u go out n try to help him without becoming ‘unshomer’?

    You know what, as horrible as it sounds, that probably broke the ice (excuse the pun, sorry) on the date no? Did u have a good laugh about it or did it make things more awkward?

  • Reader February 22, 2008, 10:12 AM

    That was funny- I was lol. Thanks!

    And doesn’t anyone think it’s not appropo for a girl to open up a guy’s door? Ego etc. 🙂

  • Anonymous February 22, 2008, 10:16 AM

    Of course I laughed! But not to his face, I had to hold it in until I got home. My Dad, on the other hand, did not find it so funny, he is hoping that date #2 (if there is one) isn’t in court with the insurance company. In which case – I’ll need to enlist your services, Hesh! I got out to see if he was alive, bH’ he got up before I even had a second to think about whether or not to compromise my shomeritude.

    Gd, I hope he doesn’t read your blog.

    Where can I sign up for this bloopers reel? I want in! My whole dating experience has been a disaster, and I have material for it coming out of my ears.

  • Rach February 22, 2008, 10:29 AM

    Haha, people have told me crazy dating stories, but i haven’t actually experienced any dating craziness myself yet. Like this one friend of mine told me that he was dating this girl, and they took a taxi and it was a pretty bumpy ride, and she opened the window and stuck her head out, saying she felt sick, he assumed she needed air, but when he got out of the taxi, there was vomit plasered all over the side of the car. She had needed more than just air. Then there are the stories where two couples go to the same place on a date… but they are pretty cliche. When i have stories of my own, im so IN on this bloopers thing though, just gotta get a video phone and ill be set 🙂

  • Hesh February 22, 2008, 10:40 AM

    Hey if I put a call out for everyone to send in their dating bloopers/crazy dates do you think I would get anything? I would do a reader contributed compilation post. Just like I want to do a awkward BT moments post.

  • Rach February 22, 2008, 10:41 AM

    I think you totally would, but not from me, like i sid, sorry! My friends have some, but not me!

  • s(b.) February 22, 2008, 12:40 PM

    My past dating bloopers are, um, not compatible with a shomer negiah lifestyle. I should probably start making more of an effort to date again, anyway. They certainly happen easily enough! Mostly slapstick.

  • Leah February 22, 2008, 3:07 PM

    My stories are all just horribly bad dates, so I don’t know if that would qualify. Like the time I talked to some guy on the phone and he told me about how he likes going to clubs, but of course not strip clubs. Or the guy who, after we had clearly established the fact that we were not going to actually go out (being from “out of town” I get to discover this quickly from just phone calls) he ended the conversation asking me what I think about mixed seating at weddings. That was fun.

  • Hesh February 22, 2008, 4:45 PM

    Leah that is my fear of moving downstate, I am moving down to Monsey and now I may actually have to go out with girls instead of rejecting them after a phone call.

    I love “phone dates” it usually doesn’t go beyond that.

  • RE February 22, 2008, 4:54 PM

    You New Yorkers ARE the shidduch crisis…featured live, and in person!

    Phone dates? What IS that? Could you please give me an example of what someone could possibly say over the phone that is so offensive that you would reject them before meeting them? Don’t most people know not to talk about gross skin/teeth problems, eat chicken wings, or flush the toilet while they’re on the phone, esp. if it’s with a potential shidduch? Maybe they only teach this to us kids in Canada 😉

  • Hesh February 22, 2008, 5:06 PM

    The phone date is only for people who live over 100 miles away from their date. Why travel that distance- for me its at least 150 and know in your heart that this person is not for you.

    If I talk to a girl that wants a learning guy and my idea of learning is reading an English Tanya- that is obviously not going to work. Or if the girl wants a fancy dude who dresses in style and loves to drink scotch- doubt thats going to work.

    Phone date was misleading, I talked to a few girls in the last few weeks- both at least 600 miles from me- should I go out with them if on the phone we realized we have nothing in common?

  • Rach February 22, 2008, 5:45 PM

    Sounds like you should set up dates in different states and take a road trip around America, hey that sounds like fun actually. Florida? Nope, moving on, Georgia, 3 down, 5 to go….New York? Wow, looks like i could be here for years… singles everywhere…

    Just make sure not all the singles don’t go for the road trip idea at once or there will be no one stationary left to date.

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