If you ever pick up a copy of the Jewish press or read the latest in the rapidly growing, “girls who think they are getting too old to be marketable shidduchs” bloggers, or maybe you read the older single lady bloggers as well- you will come across the fact that for some reason or another they all hate it and tend to write very long posts when someone at a Jewish venue especially a wedding says “Im yirtza Hashem By you”. Do it go read any of the numerous too many to list single girl “entering the shidduch parsha” or “older and way past my prime” shidduch oriented blogs and you will fin this phenomena.
People say it to me with gusto all the time and I say thank you and carry in with my intake of food items from the buffet. For some reason this line has garnered enough hatred from singles to write articles about it in major Jewish periodicals and of course has led to a rash of blogs complaining about the shidduch crisis. The only way to understand it is that people feel that when someone says it too them, they are trying to put them down- boggles my mind why someone giving you a bracha would be trying to put you down- unless it is kind of like saying “may the neshama have an aliyah” because the person is too awkward to say anything else. But then again why should someone at a wedding be awkward around a single person. I understand the jealousy factors and the sadness, but SINGLES HAVE GOT TO LIGHTEN UP, go take up a hobby or something.
Ok with that said I found this T-shirt available at Cafe Press
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post. Also, all of the baruch hashems are getting on my nerves too.
HESH – Im Yirtza Hasham by you!
That shirt is great! I wish they had it in a mens size. The phrase doesn’t really upset me. Its just that I’ve heard it so much over the last 5 years that I really have no response to it . Whenever someone says it to me, I kinda blush and look at the floor while akwardly giggling like a 9 year old girl. Although I do recall getting really full of rage about the excess of it at one siblings vort. But I was drunk at the time and when I’m drunk I get full of rage from even miniscule things like my ass itching me.
I H -the shirt doe scome in men’s sizes, like almost everything on Cafe’ Press.
Honestly though, I’ve heard this like twice – once at my sister’s wedding, and once at a close friend’s wedding where somebody handed me a plate shard (yeah, I needed someone to explain that one to me).
The funny thing is, it strikes me as a concession to the secular practice of tossing flowers. Oh, secular: bad
“People say it to me with gusto all the time and I say thank you and carry in with my intake of food items from the buffet.” –> always! So annoying. The nod and smile works for that.
Not sure I love the two very separate words in the same sentence….or words that should be separate at least.
Well this post has gave me some great ideas for other posts relating to the phenomena of greetings within Judaism that are simply there for times when the person has nothing else to say
What the hell does the saying mean?
I mean what is the “BY YOU” mean to the IY”H ??
fill this guy in !
The phrase is by no means limited to saying to singles at an engagement or wedding function. When someone hears of good things happening to someone the phrase is also used appropriately. So if someone tells you that their friend won the lottery, the phrase can get trotted out as well. And if you say that Yankele just graduated college, then IY”H by you would also be said.
i actually pre-empt the person about to wish me this phrase with my own. you ready for it?
iy”h by me!
I go for the “im yirtzeh Hashem by us.”
Ps- if you think about it, the phrase is so ridiculous- of course Hashem wants you to get married- it’s His first commandment, for Heaven’s sake! It’s not like you have to remind Him. He’ll do it anyway- it’s just a matter of time.
If you’re mad when somebody says this to you, say it to them: “you too”. And then act as if you just said it accidentally, like when airport worker tells you to have a happy flight and you say “you too”.
Or when my non jewish co workers tell me to have a good shabbos i tell them you too lol
I love the tshirt :p
Really, I hate when people tell me that because first of all, I’m not looking to get married in the very near future, and second of all – it’s so not gramatically correct! But I’ve noticed that amongst the frummies that grammar isn’t such a priority. It’s so sad!
I love it when I tell someone mazel tov at a bar mitzvah and they say im yirtzeh Hashem by me.
If I’m feeling particularly snarky I might respond, “Thanks, but I’ve already had my thirteenth birthday.”
Good response
“Ps- if you think about it, the phrase is so ridiculous- of course Hashem wants you to get married- it’s His first commandment, for Heaven’s sake! It’s not like you have to remind Him. He’ll do it anyway- it’s just a matter of time.”
So why bother to daven about it?
I just look at it as a great and easy reason to start my own drinking game. Every time someone says it to me, I take a shot… by the end of the night, I am begging people to say!!
It is mostly disturbing and impolite to say it to people wh have no children (at a bris or kiddush). And some still dare to say it!!
Drinking game sound rockin.
Dainty it is very impolite I agree
I think its pretty funny – because i said that to you.
well at least i meant it…