It was my mother’s yertziet yesterday and as I was saying kadesh I remembered how not so long ago I was really embarrassed to get up there and bust out the kadesh, or sit in for yizkor. It isn’t easy being the only kid in yizkor or saying kadesh. People are looking at you and whispering, I can almost see them debating amongst themselves trying to figure out who in the family they are saying it for. Then of course I would always finish yizkor earlier then all the old folks and want to hang out with my buddies outside of shull, oy the embarrassment of walking out and pretending that you were in shul for some other reason then yizkor.
So I was saying kadesh and I noticed that these other two kids were also saying it and instantly there was this unspoken bonding, kind of like when I used to be saying my yizkor and a quick look around the room revealed to me that there were other folks who had full heads of non-white hair. Usually there would be nods and slight acknowledgements thrown out to each other. As if we were saying, “dude who you saying yizkor for.” Followed by a “no way, you too?”
I guess all I am trying to say is that I have grown up and long to say kadesh and yizkor for my mom and decided o write a post about my that aspect of my life. May her neshama have an aliyah, Esther Gittel bas Yechizekal.
20 responses so far ↓
1 miriam // Jan 20, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. That’s about as deep as it gets.
May her memory be blessing.
2 Anonymous // Jan 21, 2008 at 12:05 am
can you check your gmail account please?
3 sarah (b.) // Jan 21, 2008 at 12:21 am
much love, man.
4 yid // Jan 21, 2008 at 1:02 am
You and your family should be comforted among the mourners of Tzion and Yerushalyim. May your kaddish be the last mitzvah that tips the scales for Moshiach Tzidkeinu and the day we will be reunited with all those that repose in the dust.
5 Mindy // Jan 21, 2008 at 2:57 am
Wow- I didn’t know that.
Hope the loss has made you into a better person- sure it has- and ditto for what the above post says.
6 Rafi G // Jan 21, 2008 at 9:42 am
Her neshama should have an aliya..
7 zvi // Jan 21, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I had the same experiences growing up. I trully dreaded saying kaddish for my father. One year my mother mixed up which shabbos was yahrtzeit and I had to say it a second shabbos, I was dying from shame.
8 heshman // Jan 21, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Thank you guys and Zvi I was sure I wasn’t the only one.
9 Yek // Jan 21, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Ad biyat hagoel
10 Left Flatbush // Jan 21, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Hesh, thanks for sharing this with us. I surmised from earlier posts that you were without your Mom. It is tough saying kaddish and yizkor as a kid. I was an adult when my Dad died and found it difficult, I can’t imagine how it would be for a kid. And yes, I do wonder about kids who I see reciting kaddish and yizkor.
May your Mom be a source of strength to you and your family.
11 mother in israel // Jan 22, 2008 at 2:58 am
I was once in Gruss in Israel for Simchat Torah–the only women saying Yizkor were me and the rebbetzin. You won’t be lonely for long; in our shul of 80 families there are at least 10 avelim right now, and it feels like a new one is added each week.
No matter when you lose your mother it’s hard. If you decide to write about your experience, I’d be interested.
12 eli // Jan 22, 2008 at 5:59 pm
sorry about your mother also it hits home as the rosh yeshiva rabbi berenbaum passed away as seen on miryeshivanews put into goog le
13 Dofan Akuma // Jan 25, 2008 at 6:43 am
hesh, we love you
14 Ari // Jan 28, 2008 at 1:04 am
Didn’t know. That’s rough, to say the least. My guess is that she is very proud of you right now for bringing a smile to people’s faces.
15 heshman // Jan 28, 2008 at 2:19 am
Thanks Ari- you get a job yet
16 Ari // Jan 28, 2008 at 4:49 am
:>)
17 Aliza // Feb 1, 2008 at 5:08 am
Wow.
Nice to see a serious post every once in a while
(And look, I’m back! It’s been weeks since I checked this blog.)
18 heshman // Feb 1, 2008 at 7:00 am
Aliza, where have you been?
Yes I do post something serious once in a while, such a rarity eh. I save the serious stuff for my outdoors blog.
19 Candela // Feb 15, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Dude, I’ve been saying yizkor for about 8 years now, also lost my parent when I was pretty young.
I’m interested that you like to walk out when you’re done to hang out with your buddies because your yizkor is shorter than all the old people.
For me, there are two types of people in shul, the ones who do say yizkor and the ones who don’t, and as much as I wanna leave during that time, I kind of feel like I’d be betraying my team if I left.
Not passing judgement, at all. It’s a pretty personal thing, I know.
But what were you referring to about saying the kaddish on shabbat before or after the yahrtzeit? Is that a common minhag? I’ve never done that before, but hey, I don’t have a father to teach me.
20 heshman // Feb 15, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Oh no I was just saying in general in relation to saying kadesh
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