Chassidim aren’t like normal protestors, they aren’t likely to come out and march with PETA against meat packers and are most unlikely to attend an anti-war rally in Washington, in fact they really only have protests concerning two issues. Tznius and the possibility of secular ideals permeating their society. With that said I recently read on Jacobs Blog about a new kosher vendor on wheels who has been the recipient of nightly protests while he serves cheap late night food to Chassidim in Williamsburg who would rather slurp down some greasy heimishe food late at night then take part in some petty protest which seems to serve no purpose other then protesting because there really is nothing better to do after they come out from mincha. I have cme up with several reasons why they may be upset about the latest addition in kosher food ideas to hit the market.
When it comes to frum Jews you can always assume that there must be something political about the situation. The man who started the kosher cart is in fact a traitor for having left Williamsburg as a child and grown up in the more open environment of Monsey. Not only did he abandon his brethren to fight off the shvartzas and hipsters by themselves, he also learned to alter his dialect and speak litvishe yiddush, began wearing a bend down hat and started reading the yated instead of the hamodia. Politics pure politics.
I can understand the tznius issues that may come up by having a late night food stand. Williamsburg has become the melting pot of anti-conformist hipsters. The goal of the hipster movement is to wear pants that cut off as much bloodflow as possible from the lower limbs and therefore make it possible to see their veins and other external body parts through their pants. These highly untznius pant wearing hipsters will undoubtedly flock to such a food stand after hearing some underground music from a band that you have never heard of- in fact if you say you have heard of them- they will instantly hate them.
Could it even be possible that the man running the cart is a supporter of civil rights and by the act of serving women and non-Jews has stirred the emotions of folks who were sad to see the Jim Crow laws repealed and the passage of the civil rights act in 1964? Besides the fact that women are not allowed out of the house after certain times, wouldn’t it be rather untznius for a man to hand them their food?
With all the women and men hanging out by the food stand taking down unknown quantities of potato kugel and kishke, this ought to result in the drop pregnancies which leads to the question in everyone’s mind. How will the Satmars in Williamsburg ever extend their neighborhood north towards KJ and Monroe so they can achive world domination?
Some folks have told me that despite the numerous nightlife opportunities for regular old goyim in Williamsburg, the heimishe yidden have nothing to do after a hard days hocking. It seems that protesting is not only fun, but provides a great venue for networking and attempting to trump each other with their stories of bravery in stone throwing riots in Mea Shearim and how they almost got arrested during the Gay Parade riots last year. They simply took tips from the Hipsters who always seem to go nuts every time we kill a patch of marigolds or make some band they love famous.
In side sources have told me that whenever rowdy folks exist it forces property values down, and this works in advantage to the Satmar goal of extending the hood. Lower property values mean they can build more section eight housing for their children.
Could it be that he does not have adequate bug washing facilities inside his truck- as deemed by the Charedi Chumra Patrol? Not that Chassidim would even touch a leafy green vegetable besides when they have to eat maror.
13 responses so far ↓
1 shawty // Oct 31, 2007 at 1:51 am
well written.
“Not only did he abandon his brethren to fight off the shvartzas and hipsters by themselves…”
haha, that is so funny! williamsburg is indeed a hotbed of hipsters.
“The goal of the hipster movement is to wear pants that cut off as much bloodflow as possible from the lower limbs and therefore make it possible to see their veins and other external body parts through their pants. These highly untznius pant wearing hipsters will undoubtedly flock to such a food stand after hearing some underground music from a band that you have never heard of…”
it’s true! the guys are only cool if they wear girl ji pants. i remmeber the switch from jnco jeans to girl pants. so weird.
“In side sources have told me that whenever rowdy folks exist it forces property values down, and this works in advantage to the Satmar goal of extending the hood. Lower property values mean they can build more section eight housing for their children.”
williamsburg is getting more expensive, thanks to the hipsters (i, myself, know a handful of hipsters who reside there) - what a good plan to keep the rent down!
2 MW // Oct 31, 2007 at 3:26 am
LOL! Funny. There is a name for those williamsburg hipsters-they are called tuna baigels. (pronounced with the chasiddish accent) The reason is cuz no matter how much they modern out and change their garb and attitude, they will always walk into a bagel store and order a tuna baigel! They will never shed their infamous accents!! Thats just the way they role!!
3 shawty // Oct 31, 2007 at 9:52 am
most hipsters are vegan, because it’s “cool”.
4 heshman // Oct 31, 2007 at 11:47 am
I think they are vegan because they are trying to lose as much fat as possible so as to fit into their jeans and so you can see their ribs through their shirts. This of course boggles my mind since they are usually employed as bike messengers- and need all the muscle they can get.
5 shawty // Oct 31, 2007 at 4:49 pm
well i know that some are “fake vegans”, they sneak their chicken nuggets under the table. no joke.
6 satmar ari // Oct 31, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Veganism is assur. Check it out: Leviticus 35:10.
7 satmar ari // Oct 31, 2007 at 8:54 pm
OOOPS!
I meant Leviticus 25:10.
8 Left Brooklyn and never looked back // Nov 1, 2007 at 12:37 am
Hey, if I ever make it back to Brooklyn, where can I find the aforementioned cart? I would love to catch the cool folk chowing down on heimishe food!
9 heshman // Nov 1, 2007 at 12:43 am
Click that link in the post, it is how I heard about it in the first place.
10 mt living // Nov 1, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Yeah, I miss the days of JNCO and billabong. Where any out of shape, flabby titted body could dress stylish. I’m really not digging the hipster style one bit. Aside from all the clothes looking just plain ugly, you now need an ematiated body to to pull the look off. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fat hipster before. The yeshiva hocker look hasn’t really evolved much since the 90s though.
11 Hesh // Nov 1, 2007 at 3:37 pm
I was a big jeaned fellow myself, but since I was skater/biker boy who downed way too much mountain dew I may have been qualified to wear them. What about no fear and quicksilver t-shirts?
12 shawty // Nov 1, 2007 at 6:13 pm
mt living: you’ve never seen a fat hipster? there are always at least two in every scene band. always.
13 Anti Indulgence Chassidim in Williamsburg ban Choice!!! | Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy // Oct 16, 2008 at 10:20 am
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