So I sucked it up waited for the sale that I keep seeing in my mailbox and joined frumster a couple weeks ago. I tweaked my profile and continue to change it every few days- it was exciting to get back in the frumster groove. Before I knew it I had pretty much searched through every profile on the site and had to start with the keyword searches. You know things like outdoors, hiking, biking, art, organic, funky, wacky, weird, etc… Then I would type in things like fashion, shopping and hanging out with friends- to weed out unwanted mall type ladies- no offense. Now I am basically through with most of the profiles and just check every few days to see if I have any messages and who has been looking at my profile.
Being back on frumster is interesting I took a look at my 2 year old profile and realized that I matured quite a bit oddly enough, because I sure as hell didn’t think I did. Well I shortened it from one of those intimidating long profiles that people shy away from to a manageable few paragraphs- which is way longer then most profiles- I have some beefs with the site and with the members as I am sure we all do- since there are entire blogs devoted to bashing, praising and ranting about frumster.
I am not one of those people that expect an email back 30 seconds after I send a message to a girl. But to read the message and not reply or take 2 weeks to reply is absurd and not very considerate. I have sent many messages to fine sounding ladies, I can see if they have read it and when they read it I expect a prompt reply, why the wait. Don’t tell me it takes more then 20 minutes to write “hey I don’t think we are compatible(IE- you are a heinous blow pig)” or “hey I am drooling at the thought of hiking on our first date”. These don’t take very much time and please just say something- maybe your in the middle of something- well say so, just to leave folks hanging is real crappy.
I can completely understand if you were too cheap to pay the $11 a month and have no way of reading the messages. Look I had numerous messages waiting for me- 7 to be exact and mostly from the same people who never give up. That leads me to something else- so I get a message and the girl doesn’t seem my type so I kindly respond with the whole “your so hot, but I really think we are not compatible (which means two things- you are not hot or your profile sucked)”. So I understand if they try one last time like someone making one last prison break attempt, but one time is it.
Well for some reason I attract the weirdest of the weird, and its not always a good thing. A few girls repeatedly sent me more messages after I had rejected them many a time. Two girls have been sending me messages for the past few years through my two stints on frumster. I really don’t want to resort to the childish thing of blocking- but what’s a guy to do?
I have written about the lack of good hearty profiles on frumster and believe that it has something to do with the lack of character in society itself. People generally are boring- or maybe I am just a hobby snob and expect everyone to have interesting likes and activities. I am not expecting lists upon lists of description- but at least some differentiation between the profiles.
I don’t understand why people continually write what their friends think of them. “My friends think I am kind, caring, attractive, funny, smart, etc…” OF COURSE THEY DO no one in their right mind is going to write that they have more chins then a Chinese phone book, ooze puss out of their belly buttons and eat their boogers. No one is going to write that their friend’s say they are dumb bastards who couldn’t care less if someone was getting run over by a lawnmower gone haywire. So why cant people use different lines and write about their real personalities? These regular catchphrases don’t set you apart from the 10,000 other girls.
No one seems to have any interests anymore, is “hanging out with friends” really considered a hobby? Maybe since no one does it anymore and prefer to be texting and listening to crappy music on I-pods. Maybe since people literally sit around all day and do nothing wasting away precious hours of life in front of the TV and computer that they consider doing anything a hobby. Shouldn’t a hobby be some sort of skill or interest that is unique to you, what happened to diversity?
I happen to like frumster way better then its chief competition and I will tell you why. On saw you at Sinai- they have set boxes for hobbies and family situations etc… So even if you actually have no interests and consider playing with your moms sheitle holders a hobby- you have to pick a number of hobbies. That’s where the choice for “bike/skateparks” comes in. Through my years of research I have come across very few girls that have actually been to or even know what a skate park is. I personally thing all of this should be filled in by the person themselves- this way we don’t have this set type of person where the only way to judge if they are good for you is based on the three sentences they write at the end.
Now I know that many of you will comment that I am being way too judgmental and basing things solely on hobbies is wrong. I will have to agree with you, but as any person in a similar situation as mine (there aren’t too many) will tell you, the things we do are actually a much bigger part of it then meets the eye- like transformers but better. Most people aren’t like that and everyone has different opinions on the shidduch process and this is mine.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I have to agree with you that people without hobbies are boring. How do you have an interesting conversation with someone who is not passionate about something?
Hobbies are a double-edged sword. If I say I like caving and am wracking my brain trying to figure out a tznius way to join the local rock climbing gym, I get stereotyped one way. If I comment about knitting, I’ll get stereotyped another. If I mention that I also like opera and theater… well, then I get dumped into the “confused” bucket– which is where I belong, but is not the kind of impression that will help me obtain dates. You know?
That is so interesting Ahuva- because I and many of my friends feel the exact opposite- if someone likes theater and opera- they are viewed as maybe more of a patient- intellectual type and if they like rock climbing they are viewed as an adventurous type.
The other thing is this- don’t people want to get stereotyped a little bit so they can get their “type” of person. If you are in such a broad category- how does one meet the right person.
I myself would have to agree with Adam- interesting passionate people are way more easy to talk to then plain old run of the mill regulars.
“more chins than a Chinese phonebook”
hilarious, but too imus-like.
Dude all the pent up rage in everyone especially the wacky libs- due to the politically correct bullshit that we had to do for years has got to come out sometime.
Further more- if you cannot say something without offending someone- what are we going to talk about. Any thing someone says will offend- people have to be mature and see that its not so serious.
Understandably- if someone says “go lynch the N—-” or “some off color holocaust joke” but to comment about someones hair or facial structure- give me a break. Black people do have hair and the always call each other hoes. Just like if someone says “all the gefilte fish eating big nose dudes” we know they are talking about Jews.
My problem with frumster is that people send you messages when you are a basic member, then you sign up and reply to them and they don’t answer you back. Plus I don’t think many people on there appreciate uniqueness I think people are just looking for what they think they want and not what they should get.
I have had the same issues- though I think I waited way too long since no one who emailed me looked any interesting. So if someone emailed you say 3 months ago then you sign up- they have a right- but then again how long does it take for someone to write a quick “not interested”?
I am still extremely bothered by people who obviously read the message you send them but they don’t reply right away- this is still the most annoying.
Another great post
Thank you!
I guess what I was trying to say was that there are many people who fall across “types.” One side of a person is in the “patient intellectual” another is in the “adventurous” and maybe they also have a regular after-shabbos D&D game, like to garden and have a secret desire to learn how to play the glass armonica.
Dating websites encourage you to craft your profile so that you meet the kind of people you think you’re going to be interested in. A person who likes to dress up and go to the opera may not envision themselves with a person who ALSO likes hiding out in the woods for a few days.
On another thought… Sometimes people take a long time to figure out what they want to say and craft a reply. I know I’ve been guilty of reading and e-mail and profile when I have a few quick seconds to jump online– and then taking forever to figure out whether or not I am interested in him.
From my usage of frumster, although i never signed up, much more of a browser. Alot of people seeking mates have a list requirements of what they are looking for. Many say they are looking for 10 diff things, and all they got is the bull shit you mentioned “love, caring, passionate etc”. Their are more interested in narrowing this search with out really selling themselves.
Ahuva the problem is that I know folks are sitting at their frumster profiles the same amount of time that teenage girls sit at their facebook profiles. How long does it really take to get out the quick no I am not interested. Did it really take you two weeks to decide. I udnerstand where you are coming from- I just decide not to read the message in that case- I look at the profile and pretend that I dont have a premium account.
You know exactly what a first message says- so why read the thing and then not reply at all. Do you know how many messages I have sent- noticed the girl read the message but thy never answered. This pisses me off royally.
Frumster is like an online extension of the mental ward at bellevue. Its a shame because the truth is, the online world is great to meet people but sadly, people don’t appreciate it so they sign onto frumster when they are jealous that their friends are getting married and they are still there and decide its time to find someone. Then, they get comfortable again and sit back and change moods again and replying to emails becomes such a big chore. An email reply might break a nail, a princess cannot have that:)
Either way, it seems a lot of people on there are from distant galaxies far far off. Even some potheads there. Its sad, the community is so anti social and those who actually put themselves out there to try to meet people, there are so much people to weed through to find someone that is normal. what is it about that site that attracts the insane people.
Also, why is it that so many Jewish girls seem to have no personality unless they see money flash before their eyes. very pathetic.
Dude money is no option for me because I have none. Instead I tend to date people of similar interests- because if you are a tree hugging outdoorsy type you tend to abhor material and want to experience life by doing things not accumulating them.
Agreed the women on frumster tend to say they have no personality.
Gosh I have so much to say about Frumster *rollseyes* but I’ll keep it on the topic.
I totally agree with Shimson that Frumster is an extension of the mental ward in Bellevue. I have also seen this attitude of “now I’ll suddenly stop writing to you” or “I won’t answer your mail and won’t tell you why”. I got fed up with the attitude on Frumster and deleted my profile. My time is very precious and I thought the time I invested in Frumster was not worth it, cause like Frumwithit was harassed, I was being harassed by men who were as old as to my dad and then also by some borderline personalities who sent me emails like,” how can you be a modern orthodox? The real way to be religious is this way or that way?You should not wear pants. blah,blah,blah”
I have many hobbies including playing the piano, rock climbing and belly dancing. I had these hobbies up for a while in profile in Frumster but again I got harassed by some “so called hard core frummies” telling me these hobbies are not tzninus. Well if you are climbing or dancing where are there are no males, I think it’s tzinius. Anyways I got so fed up with these borderline types bothering me online.
Another annoying thing was the mentioning of money every time I had a conversation with a guy from Frumster. I have working in Investment Banking and now I work for a Hedge Fund and I find it highly retarded to ask me if I am interested in money. I am interested in money and that is my own money, cause I work hard make my own cash. I invest my money, use it and enjoy it. Not all women are stupid golddiggers looking for a goldmine.
I think people like me and frumwithit get annoyed with people who don’t answer e-mails cause we come from a breed of individuals who respect others enough to send a proper response. These people who don’t write back, they are not sure of what they want from themselves and others.
I also think that since no one ever emails me I figure everyone else deals with the same issue- and if you get to many- just don’t read them until you have time to answer. I know its hard but peoples feelings are at stake.