Lets face the facts Lubavitchers are the coolest Chasidim, maybe this is why they are hated so much: My list of the reasons why they rock
They embrace the internet and use it for good, rather then casting it off as evil
Lubavitch girls are the hot
Lubavitch girls don’t dress so frummie
Lubavitch girls have cool hobbies and they are extremely active
Matisyahu can kick Lipa Shmeltzers ass any day
They are the only large Chasidic sect that communicates in English
They don’t speak in yeshivish lingo
They don’t only make brown foods for shabbos
770 is like one big frat party
Free places to stay around the globe
Great kiddushes, not just kichel and herring
The erev shabbos kugel and cholent store in Crown Heights
The girls are aloud to learn gemara
The girls are smart and witty
Fabrengins
Diverse yarmulke styles black, brown, navy and red velvet and cloth as well
The Rebbe had the wickedest thumb dip of all the Rebbe’s
Meshichists are hilarious and bring life to any party
The inner Lubavitcher politics is way cooler then the whole Satmar and Bobov situation
Messianic Jews who would’ve thought
Did I mention that Lubavitch girls are the hottest of them all
The messiest and shlumpiest of men can be rest assured they will get a hot wife
The women don’t have to wear those stupid turbans
They also don’t have to shave their heads
They don’t deny their pasts like many BT’s
Sukkah mobiles can pimp out the worst of cars
Lubavitchers have hobbies and interests other then banning things
They don’t feel the need to ban something every week
Can you pass the Mashka
Chabad houses have good reading material
Campus chabad houses have hot chicks and free food
Making fun of meshichists provides one with hours of entertainment
Turf wars between Aish and Chabad are rather interesting
Lubavitchers let women speak to men and even have mixed seating at events
Lubavitch girls don’t wear bulletproof stockings
Shachris at 11:00 may seem early to some (yes I know all Chasidim rock the late minyanim)
Lubavitchers have not banned post high school education for girls yet
They haven’t banned denim skirts either and they all wear the black leather hooker boots
Jewish geography with Lubbies is hilarious
Calling out Mendy or Mushkie to a crowd of children is awesome
They are all inbred and married to each other
Some of them even use veggies like spinach and collards
They have invented something called a cholent bar
Organized is a bad word
They have human hair sheitles
The men don’t have to rock the long peyos
Lubavitchers that shave their beards off are not automatically discharged as heretics
Non-religious or modern Jews are considered apikorsim
They always have secular magazines and newspapers lying around
All Lubavitch shulls have English translated books
Baal Shemtov stories are rockin’
They don’t force you to take useless books when you give them tzedaka
They don’t send you Chanukah wicks and charoset year after year to try and schnor off of you
Why Lubavitchers annoy me: For some reason this list does not apply to the Capitol district Chabad so much
Can’t you have a damned artscroll or non-tehilat Hashem siddur?
How about some ashkenaz prayer books?
Messianic orthodox Jews?
Pick some different names already
Ok, please talk about some other non-Lubavitcher Rebbe’s
Yo what’s the deal with all the hotties only marrying Lubavitch guys? Not fair
Cholov yisroel, come on
We need some new niggunim
What’s the deal with using the N word all the time? (not the local Albany Lubbies by the way)
I want to marry a Lubavitch girl, hook me up
Why can’t Lubavitchers teach in Bais Yaakovs, so the girls turn out interesting and fun to talk to?
No processed foods on Pesach
Not even Gebrokts jeez
Why can’t they just throw all the Yechi wackos out of 770 already?
What’s the deal with the crushed hat look?
Ok, we know your cool, how about some different clothing colors for the men?
Streimels are way cooler then crushed hats you know
Did I mention that I am jealous of Lubavitchers because all the girls are hot while we misnagdem are stuck wth jappy Bais Yaakov girls and the Stern crowd
How about a new Rebbe eh?
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