Frum Satire | Jewish Comedy

A note to Shadchunim and everyone else- an earlier post titles “shadchuns drink tons of starbucks” was dedicated as a counter argument to the point discussed here.

The number was scrawled across the top of some scrap paper, I picked it up and dialed the digits excited at the idea of calling a new shadchun. As some of you know I delight in calling up shadchunim, and I delight even more in actually having a conversation with them. I sat down on my couch with an ice cold bear put on the smooth jazz sounds of Larry Carlton and proceeded to make the call. If I had a bathtub I would have made up a bath.

A loud hello with a thick New York accent answered on the other end. I made my introduction and waited for the “nu, how old are you? What are you looking for? What type of yarmulke do you wear?” type questions. I proceeded with the normal, I am willing to go out with this and this type up to age 28- that always shocks em. After about 3 minutes she asks me when I can come down and meet her. I wasn’t expecting this- maybe next week I respond. The response on her end is, I have many girls for you I just like to meet you before I set you up.

MANY GIRLS- I just told you my age, field of work, and the fact I don’t learn full time, that was it. I imagined her thinking I was some yeshiva guy who chose to get a parnassah, or some frummy dude from Brooklyn. I proceeded to throw in two after thoughts, must be outdoorsy- and not interested in living anywhere near New York City- these things always result in zero potential ladies which is fine with me, might as well weed em all out now eh?

Now I started to ponder once again if shadchunim not asking the right questions leads to this so called “shidduch crisis”. If people hate talking and dealing with shadchunim which many of them do, then they just ruined a central way of meeting potential matches. Have shadchunim gotten a bad name out of pure coincidence or out of the displeasing of their “clients”- Now I know that shadchunim provide a free service unless you get married- they actually provide any willing young women with a free dinner regardless. Nevertheless should there be a shadhcun training or protocol or something of the sort. When all they know is your age and yarmulke color can they really provide a suitable match? Maybe this is one of the reasons the internet sites are so successful, since the shadchuns have alienated themselves. I still, love talking to them and enjoy their absurd questions. I however have yet to be asked about the color of my shabbos table cloth or whether I use white and red chrain. Or whether we stack or bring in plates separately- when that happens I will rant for a long time.