So it was winter of 2005 when I decided to finally break down and buy a computer. Maybe it was the lack of snowfall eating inot my ski season, or the promise of loads of useless information at my fingertips, whatever it was it was my foray into the new orthodox Jewish dating medium. J-date, Frumster, Saw you at Sinai, future simchas, etc.. All the same idea, all fairly cheap. Why the heck not I thought. I am 23 might as well start the search, and the closest large Jewish community was 175 miles, making the classic weekend shidduch marathons a pricey impossibility.
So one night while sitting in an old Chevy delaership converted into an insane coffee shop, I created my free frumster profile. I figured that if your trying to find your best friend, wife, companion and lover, it might as well be 100% truthful and very detailed. The labels, Yeshivish Modern? Modern Orthodox Liberal? Shomer Mitzvot? Traditional and Growing? Man there are more labels than I thought. I figured Modern, Yeshivish, Chasidish conservative was enough. I was wrong, I felt maybe it would be better if everyone made their own labels as a celebration of diversity. You know, frum punk rockin tofu eating treehugger, or YU type with those freaky dreadlocked peyis, or Bais Yaakov girl who hangs out with guys, or Chasidish soul in Litvish garb, or maybe even the frum but withit, whatever that may mean catogory. Well whatever it would be I picked the Modern Orthodox Machmir. I did it because I figured the MO Liberal and Yeshivish Modern folks would hit me up for views. Marketing, its all about marketing.
When it came time for hobbies I limited myself to 20 since I am hobbie snob so to speak. You know I listed mountain biking, skiing, hiking, industrial and railroad photography, political philosphy, concerts, types of music etc…WRONG MOVE BUDDY- the ladies on Frumster apparantly dont have many hobbies. Shopping, hanging out with friends and talking on the phone are common. Go see for yourself.
Next came the describe yourself and the person you are looking for. It came out to about 3 paragraphs each because I felt any longer would be way too long. Of course after my initial searches I realized most people wrote two lines of what they wanted in their husband, its your HUSBAND man- how bout some more info buddy.
The next subzero western NY night found me again utilizing the free wireless internet at Spot Coffee in downtown Rochester, well actualy it costed $1.50 for the coffee. I began my search for girls between the ages of 21-25 who were never married, and modern orthodox machmir. To my dismay almost every profile was exactly alike in the descriptions or themselves and what they were seeking.
“My friends tell me that I am attractive”, Of course they do, you idiot. Who would tell you that you are ugly, huge, hairy, nasty etc…Why should anyone write they are attractive, this means nothing. If you have a pic fine, if you dont there is no way to describe yourself truthfully. How about telling me and the other dudes out there that you are passionate, kind, etc.. and stop telling me what your friends say about you. Why not tell me what your clients if you have them, think about you? How about what your mailman or doorman think about you. Give me break of this friends BS. This is not limited to one or two profiles, in the ages of 19-23 it is constant.
“I am seeking and kind, carring, compassionate, intelligent, attractive man”.
Really I guess you wouldnt want a guy who is a racist, thief, high school dropout, hates everyone and is so ugly that every time you look at him you throw up in your mouth. No you wouldnt want that. How about some flavor, it’s out there even on Frumster. One would think if these women were trying to meet potential lifemates, they would try and be more serious- or joking but different. Maybe this is the root of the so called “shidduch crisis”. Maybe so many girls and guys for that matter are exactly alike that the boredom factor is way high. If most people are normal (I am anything but) why cant they find mates, on top of this why does the Star-K in Baltimore have to pay guys to marry the girls there? As a hobbie snob and a snob in general, I say its the fact that most frum folks are rather boring and trying something new reverts around the newest sushi dish at Circa or going on a date to the Marriot Marquee in Midtown to ride the elevators up and down- quite fun I must say.
Anyway this disjuncted rant is really a praise of sites like frumster that have allowed individuals in the frum community to publicly display their wares without being outcast into the pile of wierdos. I am always hearing of people who will go out with folks for a few times only to find out on the fifth date that the girl is a triathlete or a worldclass pottery artist. Why are these individuals in the closet? Because a girl fears that her being interesting will be a turnoff to guys.
Thank you Frumster for allowing is wierd, eccentric, wacky, folks to come out of the closet.
Visit my frumster profile: outdoorjew