bisexual pride flagIt’s mid-October in New York City. Autumn lagers and pumpkin spice are in full season as the chilly weather moves its way in. Every day, glimpses of the oncoming winter flash before me as the air turns brisk and the sun sets earlier. It’s the eve of Sukkot and the streets of Flatbush are chock full of young Jewish men headed to Synagogue for evening services. All around me, sukkahs are perched in driveways, balconies, and some kosher restaurants have sukkahs right on the sidewalk of their storefronts. I can feel the holiday setting in just as I always have.

I was raised in an orthodox Jewish home in Brooklyn by my parents who are both educators in the New York City Dept. of Education. My early life pretty much took on the regular mold of young orthodox kids growing up in New York City. Studying at Yeshiva, (religious school) with the intent of following its whole system of practices and social “norms.” Classes were separate for boys and girls from kindergarten all the way through high school. We stayed mostly within our communities for all religious, family, and social engagements. We only knew what was in front us. East Flatbush and trips to Monticello in the summer to vacation in the Catskill Mountains. We didn’t go to many other places. Shopping at Wal-Mart was probably our degree of cultural diversity. It was the only time we really got to see all different kinds of people each pursuing different lifestyles and personal choices. We had one mission: Conform to the sheltered “one size fits all” lifestyle which the rabbis at yeshiva preached, and be married with two kids by the age of twenty six. [click to continue…]


This concerned citizen who knows that the kids at risk crisis of the 90s was only tamed when rebbeim started walking up behind their students and cutting their tchupps off, is concerned that we’re in for another wave of kids at risk. For, just as Yoisef Hatzadik started getting hit on after the Torah applies the term “na’ar” to him, meaning youth, so too, our youth are going to be hit on by hot shiksas and then they’ll end up in jail and won’t be able to wear tefilin. Or something.


From the Flatbush Jewish Journal

H/T Fred MacDowell
Find out more about whether a nazir can wear tefilin at


Rabbi Barry Freundel and Chillul Hashem

freundelAs soon as the news hit that a prominent Washington D.C. rabbi was arrested on suspicion of installing a video camera in the women’s mikvah dressing room all sorts of cries went up from people on every side of this issue. Of course everyone is on one side or another of this issue; there isn’t anyone who doesn’t have an opinion when there are rabbis and voyeurism involved.

On the one hand, who is Rabbi Barry Freundel? I never saw his picture in the Yated so he’s no gadol.

On the other hand, he’s made many geirim and giyoreses and they must consider him a gadol to feel comfortable in their Jewishness.

On another hand, innocent until proven guilty, right? And if one is under the protection of Agudah then even after being proven guilty one is still innocent, right? So what’s the problem?

The problem, of course, is that having this story in the NYT is a chillul hashem. [click to continue…]


Stay – A Shidduch Love Story

Shidduch Secrets

By Shaindy Urman

Marry a man you do not love. Hear about him from your great-aunt Faiga, and then from your great-aunt Shprintza. Nod politely as they gush about his middos. Smile graciously as they rave about his learning. Agree respectfully that he will, indeed, be the next gadol hador.

Concede to their pleas to meet him just once. Put on your Shabbos suit – the navy one, not the black. Blow-dry your hair in front of the mirror. Apply a small amount of pale pink lipstick and some blush. No eye makeup. Slip into your navy 2” heels with the large hideous bow. Walk down the stairs. Groan inwardly when you see him, shifting uncomfortably in the straight back chair.

Smile thinly as you settle across from him at the dining room table. Fight the urge to roll your eyes when he stammers and stutters. Search his face for some sign of life, for a semblance of drive or depth. Find none. Answer his questions with brief one-syllable responses. Breathe a sigh of relief when he gets up to go. [click to continue…]


Flood Wall StreetEvery day Avi Shafran goes to work at Agudah’s Wall Street offices to serve selflessly, to make sure that no frum molester is reported to the police, and that R’ Shmuel Kamenetzky gets away with being an anti-vaxxer while keeping his da’as torah-driven authority intact.

Two weeks ago the good rabbi went to work and heard sinister voices; he thought they were chanting “kill the Jews!” but when he listened closer he heard that they were only the few leftover marchers from the previous day’s People’s Climate March. But that only alarmed him even more; because as the wise “late writer Michael Crichton famously asserted, that people “have to believe in something that gives meaning” to their lives, and that “environmentalism seems to be the religion of choice for urban atheists.””

Now, Shafran isn’t stupid enough not to realize that this same argument applies to frum people who work for Agudah to add meaning to their vacuous lives, so he goes on to explain that “while zeal is a good thing when sourced in commitment to the true religion, its emergence from a misguided one is cause for alarm. (See: Medieval Christianity, Contemporary Islamism…)” forgetting, of course, that the true religion that he worships had its own phase of wiping out other nations and giving cause for alarm back then…but whatever; that’s an inconvenient truth that Shafran, who closed his Cross-Currents post to comments, doesn’t have to deal with. [click to continue…]

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Simchas Beis Hashoeva Review Contest

crown-heights-073Hey Frum Satirers, since Heshy’s gone off to modern Sodom, we haven’t had a decent review of a Simchas Beis Hashoeva. As far as I can tell, this one written in 2008 was the last one.

So whether you’re going to be at the JQY LGBT Simchas Beis Hashoeva in Manhattan. Crown Heights, where the Grey Goose flows like milk and honey. Your local shtiebel with a one-man-band playing “u’shavtem mayim basason” on repeat all night. Satmar, where everyone just watches the rebbe dance while they stand on the bleachers and clap their hands. YU where guys are just busy checking out the Stern girls all evening, send in your review, we’d love to publish it.

Email your review of at least 350 words to shragigetzel @ gmail with a photo, if possible, and we’ll do our best to publish it.

Oh wait! Where’s the contest? I don’t know, just send in your Simchas Beis Hashoeva experience and we’ll decide whether there’s really a contest going on.


Find out more about the connection between Grey Goose and Simchas Beis Hashoeva at


The Shabbos App is Genius

Shabbos AppPretty soon you won’t have to go OTD in order to be the first to see the latest selfies posted by the Hot Chani you’re following on Facebook under your fake account on Shabbos (it’s almost 2015, Hot Chanis don’t keep Shabbos anymore). That’s the promise of the Shabbos App. You’ll also be able to text your chavrusah to let him know you’d like to meet earlier than planned because your Shabbos afternoon shluf was interrupted by your kids, and you’ll be able to make fun of Yakov Menken all day and he won’t be able to respond to you because after he finds out that the Shabbos App is not a farce he’ll regroup, come back and ban it.

But whether the whole Shabbos App is a hoax or not doesn’t matter; it has already given us more entertainment than we have any right to expect from a phone app.

First check the video:

[click to continue…]

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