jews on christmasThis past week, an upstanding member of the nebbishe community in Baltimore was ousted as a closet missionary. The nebbish community has been put on high alert as they fear retributions. Now the worldwide community made up of older single men, childless couples, tomche shabbos recipients, and those who like to sample “all” of their community’s weekly cholent offerings is banding to together in a rare show of achdus to help each other out. In a stunning discovery, the man ousted was viewed as both a hocker and a Neb at the same time, due to his uncanny kiddush hopping abilities he was loved by the hockers, but only as much as they could love an older single possibly gay neb. [click to continue…]


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Why is everything slim fit nowdays?

short-fatIf one would venture into their local chain clothing store they may notice that nearly every shirt and pair of pants has suddenly become slim fit. Maybe it wasn’t sudden and due to the fact I haven’t actually bought any new clothing in several years, the American population has suddenly beat obesity and become slim fit again. I went to Old Navy the other day and not one of their new buttoned down shirts was “normal” fit. For a man with a perpetual beer belly it’s hard to shop like that. I tried on an extra large shirt and it was super long and baggy, but closed off the circulation to my cleavage areas (I don’t actually have man boobs, but if I did have them, this area would receive no ventilation) I went looking for jeans at Kohls and once again, they were almost all slim fit. The last time I went shopping, obesity was in full swing, is everyone suddenly super slim fit, or is it the style to walk around sucking in your fat all day.

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Who Am I

who am iI haven’t published much poetry on this blog and the stuff I have published has not been all to serious. My friend sent this to me and asked if he could have it posted for feedback.

Who Am I

By anonymous

I have a forefather Abraham

Who

When placed in charge of the

Gods

Smashed every last one

And walked through fire.

 

Who was -

A ram away from sacrificing his son

Turning his back

To the chaos of beliefs

Swirling all around him

And showed the world his middle finger. [click to continue…]

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10 craziest kosher for Passover products

kosher for passover insanityI was schooled last night by my wife who told me that makeup and cosmetics have to be kosher for pesach, whether or not this is the halacha or the social halacha determined by kashrus organizations wishing to scare everyone into submission to their evil price gouging schemes is beyond me. I was always taught that if dogs weren’t interested in eating it, it didn’t make a difference if there was chometz inside. Based on all the crazy pesach products coming out of Israel, I assume that the dogs in Israel are so malnourished that they eat toilet plungers, cigarettes, and duct tape. [click to continue…]

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What would the frum world do without photo shop?

frum photo shopWhile the debate over whether or not the internet is good or bad for the frum community can take on many sides. Many of those fighting and threatening to boycott major internet companies for the destruction they have wreaked on the community, need to remember that without a very simple product called photo shop, many more people would have left the path. Let us take a moment to give hakaras hatov to technology for allowing us frum yidden to perpetuate the mesorah of the shtetl, chassidim, and those helige yidden who gave their lives for the sake of mussar, tikkun chatzos in the midst of pogroms, and the willingness to speak out against those who threatened it. Without photo shop, Artscroll could never have a history series, the Yated could never publish a picture, and the hava minah to ban pictures of women’s pictures from the media would never have happened and we would probably be much more untznius and pritzusdick than we already are. [click to continue…]

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jewish stroies kingIt seems like within every shabbos drash that my Rav, a U-Penn educated, gives over contains a story about a king and his son. The king and the son story is meant to be a rallying cry for the Jews and Hashem, but I and everyone I know cannot relate to kings, kingship, and monarchy at all. The other stories that seem to take place, all have to do with bearded men driving their wagons deep in Eastern Europe and they always undoubtedly stop at an Inn for some mashka and a place to rest. What happens in the Inn is always something to do with a non-Jew trying to kill him, Eliyahu paying him a visit, or finding some jewels in some random package he received. It’s not like I believe any of the stories that Rabbis tell me, but I can’t even relate to them. It’s high time, we brought the Jewish fairytale or moshel, into modern times. [click to continue…]

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Should Orthodox shuls allow transgender discussions?

strange-toilet-sign-in-koreaHey Hesh,

Interesting thing came up in my community and I was wondering what your take on it would be. My community is going to have someone who is transgender speak about her/his issues in a speech to take place in shul. It’s the last straw in a string of events that has led me to contemplate moving out of the community. First they started the women’s megillah reading, then I noticed that pretty much every bar and bat mitzvah in the shul featured mixed dancing. It’s as if the shul wants to be conservative with a mechitza. There are even people in shul who claim to be Orthodox, yet carry openly outside of the eruv, eat in treife restaurants, and work on the second day of yom tov. I just see this as a continuation of the slippery slope in a community that could use more ruchniyus, not talks about how we can’t judge people on their anatomy, but have to understand how they identify themselves.

Help me, am I overreacting? It is an OU shul after all and I thought the OU had some sort of standards. [click to continue…]

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